• HeWasOnlyWrongbyTwoJackHawkinswasthefootballcoachatanAmerciancollege,andhewasalwaystryingtofindgoodplayers,buttheyweren'talwayssmartenoughttobeacceptedbythecollege.Onedaythecoachbroughtanexcellentyou......

  • Whenourdaughterwasborn,wenamedherMyles,aftermybelovedlatefather,despitefamilywarningthatthenamewastoomasculine.Yearslater,whenifeltshewasoldenoughtounderstand,IexplainedtoMyles,"Yournameisveryspecial.......

  • 4-4=?Oneday,theteacherinquiredPeter:"Howmuchisfourminusfour?"Peterwastongue-tied.theteachergotangryandsaid:"Whatafool!Yousee,ifIputfourcoinsinyourpocket,butthereisaholeinyourpocketandallofthemleakout,......

  • IDon'tFeelLikeGettingintoanArgument"Gerald,"askedtheteacher,"whatistheshapeoftheearth?""It'sround,"answeredGerald."Howdoyouknowit'sround?"continuedtheteacher."Allright,it'ssquarethen,"hereplied,"I......

  • RealPlayWhenItaughttheintroduction-to-theatercourseatNorthDakotaStateUniversity,Irequiredmystudentstoattendtheuniversitytheater'scurrentproductionandwriteacritique.Afterviewingaparticularlyfineperfor......

  • NapoleonWasIllJackhadgonetotheuniversitytostudyhistory,butattheendofhisfirstyear,hishistoryprofessorfailedhiminhisexaminations,andhewastoldthathewouldhavetoleavetheuniversity.However,hisfatherdecidedt......

  • AsmallboyleadingadonkeypassedbyanArmycamp.Acoupleofsoldierswantedtohavesomefunwiththelad."Whatareyouholdingontoyourbrothersotightfor,sonny?"askedoneofthem."Sohewon'tjointhearmy,"theyoungsterrepliedwi......

  • ActualAgeTheteachernoticedthatJohnnyhadbeendaydreamingforalongtime.Shedecidedtogethisattention."Johnny,"shesaid,"Iftheworldis25,000milesaroundandeggsaresixtycentsadozen,howoldamI?"Thirty-four,"Johnnya......

  • WhenTomHowardwasseventeenyearsoldhewasastallashisfather,sohebegantoborrowMr.Howard'sclotheswhenhewantedtogooutwithhisfriendsintheevening.Mr.Howarddidnotlikethis,andhealwaysgotveryangrywhenhefoundhiss......

  • GardeningGlovesFormonthsIhintedthatIneededanewweddingring,sinceIhaddevelopedanallergytogold.Onmybirthday,whileIwasgardening,myhusbandaskedmeforgiftsuggestions.Iheldmyhandsupandsaid,"Well,you'llnotice......

  • IDidn'tNoticeItMother:Ilefttwopiecesofcakeinthecupboardthismorning,Johnny,andnowthereisonlyonepieceleft.Canyouexplainthat?Johnny:Well,IsupposeitwassodarkthatIdidn'tnoticetheother.我没有看到它母亲:约......

  • ATelephoneCallMrs.Joneswaswaitingforanimportanttelephonecall,butshehadnobreadinthehouse,sosheleftthebabyathomeandsaidtohisfive-year-oldbrother,"I'mgoingtotheshops,Jimmy,andIwillbebackinafewminutes."W......

  • AFineMatchOnedayaladysawamouserunningacrossherkitchenfloor.Shewasveryafraidofmouse,sosheranoutofthehouse,gotintoabusandwenttotheshops.Theresheboughtamousetrap.Theshopkeepersaidtoher,"Putsomecheeseinit......

  • Ourgranddaughter'ssecond-gradeclasswasaskedtowriteabouttheirpersonalheroes.Herfatherwasflatteredtofindoutthatshehadchosenhim."Whydidyoupickme?"heasked."BecauseIcouldn'tspellArnoldSchwarzenegger,"she......

  • Ihavealwaystriedtobeopenandhonestwithmychildrenwhenevertheycametomewithquestions,butsix-year-oldPetercaughtmeoffguardoneeveningwhenhebouncedinatdinnertimeandasked,"Mom,whenyougetmarried,doesthatmakeyo......

  • PresentforGirlfriendAtajewelrystore,ayoungmanboughtanexpensivelocketasapresentforhisgirlfriend."ShallIengravehernameonit?"thejewelerasked.Thecustomerthoughtforamoment,andthensaid,"No-engraveit'Tomyon......

  • Synonym=BadLanguageOnedayaten-year-oldchildaskedhismother,"Mom,whatisasynonym?""What?Youevendon'tknowwhatasynonymis?Howfoolishyouare.WhenIdescribeyouasfoolish,Imeanyou'resilly,stupid.Nowyouknowwhata......

  • DoesAnyoneWantaNiceCleanPlate?Peterwastenyearsold.OnedayhisfriendPaulsaidtohim,"I'mgoingtohaveabirthdaypartyonSaturday,Peter.Canyouyoucome?"Peteraskedhismother,andshesaid,"Yes,youcango."ShephonedPaul......

  • AsarookieintheAtlanticCity,N.J.,Policedepartment,Iwasassignedabeatontheboardwalk.HardlyadaywentbywhenIdidn'tcomeuponachildwhohadbecomeseparatedfromhisafternoon,Ispottedasmallboystandingalone,obviousl......

  • I'mTryingtoStopIt"Boy,whyhaveyougotcotton-woolinyourear?Isitinfected?""No,sir,butyousaidyesterdaythateverythingyoutoldmewentinoneearandouttheother,soIamtryingtostopit."孩子,你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵?它感......

  • TwoPoundsofPlumsMother:Isentmylittleboyfortwopoundsofplumsandyougavehimapoundandahalf.Shopkeeper:Myscalesareallright,madam.Haveyouweightedyourlittleboy?两磅李子母亲:我让我的小儿子来买二磅李子,可你只给了......

  • InSundayschool,theministerwastryingtoillustratethewordmiracle."Boysandgirls,"hesaid,"supposeIstoodontheroofofaten-storybuilding,lostmybalanceandfelloff.Thenallofasuddeninmidair,awhirlwindsweptmeupandb......

  • WoodFireOnewomanlecturedherbestfriendonthenatureofthemaleanimal."Husbandsarelikewoodfires;theygooutifleftunattened.""Doesthatmean,"askedtheother,"thattheymakeashesofthemselves?"森林之火一名妇女向她最......

  • IWasn'tListeningMotheraskedherlittledaughterwhowasreadingabook."Whatareyoureading,dear?""Idon'tknow."thelittlegirlanswered."Youdon'tknow?Butyouwerereadingaloud,soyoumustknow.""Iwasreadingaloud,mumm......

  • Ah,KidsLikeagoodfather,Itookmy4-yearolddaughtertoaso-called"rugconcert"athermusicschooloneSaturdaymorning,calledthatbecauseyousitontheruginagroupandsingsongs.Wesatbesideayoung,attractivemotherandherso......