跟老外的神回复比起来，我的童年弱爆了！

你小时候做过哪些让爸妈不想认你这个孩子的蠢事？提起这个，大概每个人脑子里都会浮现出那么一两件，自己觉得是黑历史的事情吧……英语君也曾经觉得自己小时候蔫坏的不行呢，黑历史可以写成一本书，直到看到这篇reddit上的问答帖，才觉得自己的童年真是不值一提－What was the dumbest thing you did as a kid? 要是有个全球熊孩子大排名，估计下面这几位都能上榜了……

1.我这一针催产剂，怕是没人能比了

When I was 3 or 4 I managed to stick a pair of rubber gloves in the toaster oven and turned it on to see what would happen. I nearly burned our kitchen down but my pregnant mother waddled into the kitchen and promptly chucked the flaming toaster oven into the backyard. The stress from this whole ordeal sent my mom into labor later that evening. A few hours later and my sister was born.

在我大概三四岁的时候，我曾经把一副橡胶手套塞进吐司机里，然后启动了它，想看看这么玩会发生什么。于是我几乎把整个厨房都烧掉了，我还在孕期的妈妈迈着大步冲进厨房，以迅雷不及掩耳之势把还在闪着火光的吐司机甩到了后院里。整个事情给我妈的压力，直接在当晚送她进了产房。几个小时后，我妹妹就这么出生了。

Tips：

1）burn down 烧尽，燃尽，烧毁

2）waddle这个词是踱步，像鸭子一样迈着大步的意思。在这里形容气急败坏的孕妇妈妈也是很有画面感呐

3）ordeal有折磨，苦难经历的意思。说某事是ordeal，那它一定让人经历了不可描述的痛苦

2.我玩嗨了连我自己都不放过

I was around 11, playing some kind of game in which my friends had captured me and put me in jail under the stairwell. I soon got bored and decided it would be more realistic if I was chained up to the coat rack. By my neck. With a scarf. Long story short, my friends returned to find me turning blue in the face with essentially a noose around my neck. I was so grounded.

我当时大概11岁，在跟我的朋友们玩一个游戏－我扮成囚犯被他们抓住，然后被囚禁在楼梯下的小黑屋里。我很快就被关的无聊了，于是一时兴起决定玩的更真实一点－把自己挂在大衣架上，用围巾，挂住脖子。长话短说，我的朋友们回来后发现我头上套着套索，脸已经憋青了。我这下可真是被禁足了。

英语君想知道这位险些为艺术献身的壮士，现在还敢戴围巾吗？

Tips：

1）long story short就是我们常说的长话短说。功能类似于常用的anyways, nevertheless这些词。

2）be grounded意思是被禁足，不允许出门玩耍。在美国很多家庭都会有禁足这种说法。孩子如果做了“坏事”，最经典的惩罚措施就是禁足了。例如：

I was grounded for a month because I sneakily drove my dad’s car out and somehow he found out.

我偷偷开着老爸的车出门了，他不知怎么的竟然发现了，我因此被禁足了一个月。

3.我对大红肠的爱，你不要说你不感动

I got bologna stuck up my nose. My mom had to use a syringe full of water to flush it out.

我鼻子里塞了红肠，我妈妈用盛满了水的注射器才把它冲出来。

路人甲回复：

How?

怎么会塞到鼻子里？

层主：

I loved bologna so much that for whatever reason I decided it belonged up to my nose.

我实在是太爱大红肠了，于是，不知道为啥，我就觉得他应该跟塞在我鼻子里。

路人甲：

Fair enough.

行吧，这很说得通。

英语君想不通啦……

Tip: fair enough这个短语是指同意对方的观点，不过并没有完完全全信服。所以除了用来表达让步，也常常用来作讽刺，幽默的用法。例如：

Oh you think Kelso did that awesome thing? Fair enough, ‘cuz monkey could do that, right?

哦你觉得这么了不起的事是Kelso干的？嗯很有道理，毕竟猴子都能干得了这事，不是吗？

4.亲妈都是这样玩孩子的

I found these cylindrical sponges in my barn, stuffed them up my shirt and ran into the house to show my mom. She practically died laughing and had me show her friend. The friend proceeded to laugh until she cried, and has called me “Spongeboobs” ever since.

我在我家谷仓里找到一些圆柱形的海绵，然后把它们塞进了衣服里，跑到我妈妈面前给她展示。她是真的笑的快要死过去了，然后拉着我去给她一个朋友展示。她朋友笑到流泪，从此以后我就一直她叫做“海馒宝宝”了。

Tips：

1）这段用了两个很巧妙形容大笑的说法。一个是died laughing，感觉跟我们常说的笑die很相近哦。另一个是laugh until she cried，笑哭。都非常有画面感。

2）这里用了海绵宝宝的梗。因为海绵宝宝是Spongebob，这位阿姨难道就是传说中修炼千年的污婆……

5.没有一点点防备，我差点成了军火制造商？

I was really into chemistry. A friend asked me to make a pipe bomb for him. I did it without asking him why or what he was going to do with it. He blew up a neighbor’s house. It blew the front door through the dinning room wall. The screen door was across the street. The porch collapsed. Most of the windows broke.

我小时候真的非常喜欢化学。一个朋友叫我给他做一个雷管，我没问他为啥要雷管，也没问他要拿雷管干啥，就这么给他做了一个。于是他后来炸飞了一个邻居的房子。从前门到餐厅的墙都炸飞了，纱门飞到了马路对面去，门廊也塌了，差不多所有窗户都破了。

路人甲：

Um…Hey bro can I have a pipe bomb for…um science

呃，嘿哥们儿，可以帮我做个雷管吗，我……科学课要用的。

朋友，别惹爱科学的孩子，以及他们的朋友

声明：本双语文章的中文翻译系原创内容，转载请注明出处。中文翻译仅代表译者个人观点，仅供参考。如有不妥之处，欢迎指正。