在一起五年了,但另一半却从未对外宣布我们的关系
Dear Coleen
亲爱的科琳Five years ago, I started to play sport after work with some colleagues in my office and some others from the same company. I was getting over a difficult divorce and feeling lonely, I needed to get out and about.
五年前，我开始在下班后和一些同事（既有同一办公室的，也有同一公司的）参加体育活动。那时，我正慢慢从离婚困境中走出来，感到十分孤独，我需要出去走走。I got really friendly with one of the ladies who played and she explained she'd lost her husband several years ago. We started walking for fitness, going out for day trips and having a great time laughing and enjoying each other's company.
我与一起运动的一位女性成了朋友，她解释说，她几年前失去了自己的丈夫。我们开始步行健身、外出一日游、开心大笑，享受彼此的陪伴。
Eight months later while out on an all-day walk we stopped and chatted and the first kiss happened, followed by several others. Over time we have become very close. If we are alone, we are like any normal close couple, but if family, friends or work colleagues are about it's like we are just friends.
八个月之后，在一次全天步行的活动中，我们停了下来聊天，随之发生了第一次接吻，后续又亲了好几次。随着时间的推移，我们变得亲密无间。单独在一起的时候，我们就像其他情侣一样，但如果家人、朋友或同事在场的时候，我们就只是朋友。I tell her how much I love and care for her and that I'd love to be able to tell everyone we're together. I have also spoken to my grown-up children and to her kids (who are even older than mine), and they are all happy for us to be together. I'm sure they have spoken to her to say they're OK with our ?relationship and I get on really well with them all.
我告诉她我很爱她、关心她，我也愿意告诉别人我们在一起了。我也告诉了我的成年子女、也告诉了她的孩子（比我家孩子年长），他们都为我们感到开心。我很确定，他们已经告诉她，他们看好我们的恋情，我也与他们相处融洽。She hasn't been able to say she loves me after all these years, which hurts so much. I would also love for us to live together too, but when I speak to her about it, she doesn't say no or yes, just that she doesn't know what to do.
这么多年过去了，她都没说过她爱我，这令我十分受伤。我也想同居，但当我对她提及此事时，她既没有说好，也没有说不，她只是不知该如何应对。
What's your opinion? Am I wasting my time?
您怎样看待此事？我是在浪费时间吗？Coleen says
科琳说道It sounds like she's terrified, but she's not letting on. If she has been widowed, it could be she's worried about taking that next step in case it all comes crashing down and she is left devastated again. So perhaps she's worried about getting too close.
听起来她像是怕了，但她并没有为此放手。如果她此前是'被寡妇'的，那她可能担心采取下一步的后果，万一一切都变得虚无，她会再一次遭受打击。所以，也许她是在担心你们太过亲近了。She may even feel guilty over her husband. I've met lots of widows and widowers who can't bring themselves to commit to relationships because it feels like a betrayal, even years after their partner has passed away.
或者，她是因为对丈夫感到愧疚。我见过很多寡妇和鳏夫，他们无法再次投入到新的感情（即使另一半已去世多年），因为于他们而言，这无异于背叛。
