我对你的幻想
The day my husband moved out, I cleaned the house. From the sidewalk in front of our building, I watched him drive off, our dog in the passenger seat. I'd thought, good riddance to both of them. Then I went back to the apartment and packed away what he'd left behind. We'd been together for 13 years, since before I could drink legally. I felt nothing.
丈夫搬出去的那一天，我打扫了屋子。站在家门口的人行道上，我看着他驱车离开，我们的狗狗坐在副驾驶上。我想，终于摆脱他俩了。然后，我回到公寓，打包他留下来的东西。我们在一起13年了，在我能合法喝酒之前就在一起了。对于他的离开，我内心没有一丝波澜。Two months later I met a beautiful Irishman on a dance floor in Dublin. Somehow, he broke my heart in a way my husband's leaving hadn't.
2个月后，我在都柏林的舞池遇到了一个帅气的爱尔兰人。不知为何，他伤透了我的心，而丈夫的离开却没有带给我这种感觉。The Irishman was my crisis romance. When I fell for him I was in that altered breakup state when the heart has been hammered by so many little blows and for so long it feels nearly dead.
那个爱尔兰人是我的浪漫危机。爱上他的时候，我还处于分手状态，当时我已被太多很小的打击击垮，几乎已经心死很久了。
All crisis romances are ménage à trois. It's you, him, and the fantasy you project on him. He's a god. He's the best sex you've ever had. He understands you like no one before. He's better looking than anyone you've ever seen. He is the opposite of your old partner in all ways. Except of course he's exactly the same.
所有的浪漫危机都是悼念。是你、他、还有你对他的幻想。他是男神啊。他给了你最棒的性生活。他是最了解你的人。他比你见过的任何人都好看。从各个方面来说，他都与你的前任完全不同，当然，性别还是一样的。You think a crisis romance is the start of your new life, but really it's the end of the old. I can see it in hindsight: I'd become immune to my husband's worst; I needed the Irishman to deliver the final deathblow so my heart would, finally, shatter - and then I'd be able to start anew.
你以为浪漫危机是你新生活的开始，但实际上却是旧生活的结束。我可以从事后看出：我已经对丈夫最糟的行为产生了免疫；我需要那个爱尔兰人赐给我最后的致命一击，这样我的心就会支离破碎--然后我就又能开启新生活了。I went to Dublin to meet my brother who was on tour with a famous rock star. That sense of emptiness I'd had since the day my husband left had turned into a sense of vastness, as if I'd been cracked open and was now as big as the universe. My innards were on the outside - or rather there was no distinction between inside and outside. When my brother said "come join us," I hopped on a plane the next morning.
我去都柏林是为了看我弟弟，当时他与一位著名的摇滚明星巡回演出。丈夫离开后的那种空虚感变成了一种广阔感，就好像我被打开了，和宇宙一般大小。我的内脏露在外面--或者说内外根本没有区别。当时我的弟弟说"加入我们吧，"于是我就登上了第二天早上的飞机。I went with my brother and the guys from the band to see Jimmy Cliff. After they all went home, I stayed, because I felt like if I didn't get to dance to the rock-steady DJ just starting to spin, I might die.
我和弟弟以及他乐队的兄弟一起看了吉米·克里夫。他们都回家之后，我留了下来，因为我觉得如果不和洛克斯代迪风格的DJ一起旋转跳舞，我就可能会死。
