想要融洽的恋爱关系 千万别做这些事

Relationship experts share the worst mistakes they see couples make — and how to avoid them.

恋爱专家们与我们分享了情侣们犯的最糟糕的错误——以及该如何避免这些错误。

"It's important to cultivate independent interests," says Natalie Dattilo, Ph.D., a clinical and health psychologist with IU Health Physicians. "Having fun together is great, but you need know how to have fun apart from each other."

“有自己的兴趣是十分重要的，”临床医师兼健康心理师Natalie Dattilo博士和印度大学健康医师们说道。“一起玩闹很好，但你也要知道离开了对方该如何让自己开心。”

"Realize that all relationships involve a process and it's more important to evolve your relationship forward instead of worrying about creating a 'perfect' relationship," says Larry Shushansky, a speaker, author, and family therapist.

“要意识到所有的感情都是有个过程的，相比担心创造一段‘完美’的感情，思考让你们的感情如何向前发展更为重要，” Larry Shushansky说道，她是一位演讲家、作者和家庭治疗师。

"In a world where most people view themselves as trees blending into the same forest, genuine admiration can make a tree feel like a snowflake — unique and special," says Wendy Patrick, an attorney and author of Red Flags: How to Spot Frenemies, Underminers, and Other Toxic People in Every Area of Your Life . "Think of ten things you genuinely admire about your partner that make them unique. This list can include physical, intellectual, professional, and personal observations. By the time you're done, you'll realize how lucky you are to have your partner."

“在这个世界中，大多数的人都觉得自己是棵树，融入到了同一片森林中，真正的爱慕会让这棵树感觉自己是片雪花——独一无二，”律师兼书籍 Red Flags: How to Spot Frenemies, Underminers, and Other Toxic People in Every Area of Your Life的作者温迪·帕特里克说道。“想想看你真正爱慕另一半的十大特点，正是这些特点让他与众不同。这些特点可能包括体型、智力、职业和个人观察。等你找到这十大特点时，你会意识到能和他在一起很幸运。”

"Hating or disliking yourself sets up an unhealthy relationship dynamic. When you love and accept yourself, you're less likely to tolerate unloving behavior from your partner or anyone else," says Jennifer Spaulding, a love and relationship coach.

“讨厌自己会建立一个动态的不健康的恋爱关系。当你爱自己接受自己时，你往往就不能容忍另一半或其他人有不爱你的行为，”恋爱教练Jennifer Spaulding说道。

"One of the most important components to a successful partnership is individuality. You don't want your entire life to revolve around his. Don't just be interested in him," explains Laurel House, dating and relationship coach on E!'s Famously Single. "Be interesting to him. Have an opinion, share a perspective based on independent experiences and passions. Find a hobby, pursue a side job, volunteer with a favorite nonprofit, have an activity that inspires you, and is just yours. Unless you maintain your individuality your man first fell for, he could lose interest."

“成功的恋爱关系中最重要的一点就是个性。你不希望你的一生都为爱情而活。不要只是对他感兴趣，” E!'s Famously Single的约会情感教练劳拉·豪斯说道。“对他有兴趣，但也要有自己的看法，基于自己的个人经验和热情分享自己的见解。培养爱好、有自己的副业、可以去自己喜欢的非营利机构做志愿者、参加可以鼓舞你的活动，这才是你。除非你能保持着当初男朋友爱上你时你所显现的个性，否则他对你的兴趣很可能会渐渐淡去。”

"Do you know who you are? What are the things that you stand for? Oftentimes when you are feeling off, unfulfilled, or not yourself, it's because you are being untrue to one of your core values," says House.

“你知道自己是谁吗？你支持的事情又是什么呢？很多时候你都情绪低落、不满足或者感到不是自己了，这都是因为你并没有按照自己的核心价值做事啊，”豪斯说道。