人们出轨的10个最常见的理由(上)

When we get involved in a long term relationship we make certain promises, promises of fidelity to our partner. Successful relationships are founded on bonds of mutual trust and this is reinforced by the mutual fidelity we come to expect from our long term partners. These expectations are even move ingrained in relationships which are solemnized in marriage. While many people these days choose to write their own vows the old ones explain perfectly the expectations we have of our spouses – that they will stick with us for better or worse, richer for poorer, in sickness and in health till death do the couple part. These vows may be rooted in the Christian tradition of marriage but strikingly similar promises are made in civil and religious services around the world.

当我们进入一段长期恋爱关系时，我们会做出承诺，承诺对对方忠诚。成功的亲密关系建立在互相信任的的基础上，并因希望彼此忠诚这一期待得到巩固。这种期待天然就是婚姻的一部分。尽管现在许多人选择自己写誓词，但传统誓词恰恰表达了我们对伴侣的希望——无论逆境与顺境，无论贫穷或富有，无论健康或疾病，相爱相敬不离不弃，直到死亡把我们分开。这一誓词可能来源于基督教婚姻传统，但纵观世界不同宗教与文化的誓词，都与其有着惊人的相似之处。

Why then do some people choose to betray promises they make to their spouse or partner, the children they have together and, implicitly, to society at large. The statistics are mindboggling – up to 50% of women and 60% of men will cheat on their spouse. The reasons are as varied as the different personalities of people around the globe, there is no one size fits all explanation. There are, however, some common denominators and patterns that come up time and again as explanations for cheating. Some are easily rectified if both parties to the marriage or relationship are willing to put in the effort to make it work. Other causes are evidence of an irredeemable character flaw. With that in mind here are the top 10 reasons people cheat on their relationship.

那为什么有些人选择背叛他们的诺言——不仅是对他们伴侣，也是对孩子，甚至从大方面来讲对社会。数据显示，高达50%的女性与60%的男性会出轨——这已大大超乎一般人的想象。背后的原因多种多样，没有哪一种能一下子解决所有问题。但在所有原因中，某些普遍的共同点与行为模式一再重复出现。其中有几个问题，如果双方愿意共同努力，便可以轻易解决。而另一些，则属于天性使然，纯粹无药可救。以下就是人们出轨的10个最常见的理由。

are not happy in their relationship

10.在这段关系中不快乐

Some couples enter into a marriage blissfully in love (or in lust) but unaware of a potentially dangerous incompatibility. It may seem deeply unromantic but if you have a fundamentally different approach to saving, spending money, where to go on vacation, wanting children or even whether you want pets these incompatibilities will, over time, cause fractures that if left unresolved will start to niggle. It is important, in the early stages of any potentially long term relationship, to talk through and make sure that you are either on the same page or willing to compromise on these important issues.

一些情侣因为爱（或者情欲）满怀期待地进入婚姻，却没准备好包容彼此的不同之处。虽然这么说不太浪漫，但毕竟对于一些必须解决的基本问题——要不要储蓄，如何花钱，休假去哪里玩，生不生孩子，甚至是养不养宠物——如果你们俩的观点大相径庭且没有及时解决的话，随着时间的推移，必然会产生嫌隙，并为这些小事伤透脑筋。所以在开始一段潜在的长期关系初期，两人应该就这些问题好好谈谈，确定彼此意见相投或者愿意做出让步。

Other couples were never truly in love in the first place but settled for the relationship because they were both at the same stage of life and looking for the same next step. These marriages quickly become unhappy when the normal tensions of married life start to surface. When couples are unhappy in their marriage they are tempted to cheat as a means of getting away from the very thing that makes them unhappy in the first place. Studies reveal that unhappiness in a marriage can increase the likelihood of a partner cheating by almost 3%. The best way to prevent this is to keep the lines of communication open at all times. Make time for each other not just physically (see below) but emotionally as well. The best way to prevent your partner (or yourself) being tempted to cheat is to keep your marriage fresh and happy.

而另一些夫妻在一开始并没有爱上对方，但因为双方都是抱着结婚的目的去的，最后也顺利结了婚。但这种婚姻会让双方很快都变得不快乐，尤其当婚姻生活中两人必经的小摩擦小争执开始浮出水面的时候。当人们对婚姻不满意的时候，就会容易出轨，以此摆脱让他们变得不快乐的因素。研究表明这种不快乐会使一方出轨的机率提高3%。而避免出轨的最好办法就是持续的交流。为对方腾出时间，不仅是生理上的（参考下一个理由），也是心理上的。避免你的另一半（或是你自己）轻易出轨的最好方法是让婚姻持续焕发新鲜、快乐的光彩。

are not getting enough sex in their relationship

9.性生活不和谐

Sex is an important part of a healthy marriage, physical intimacy helps to reinforce bonds of love, trust and affection. While the early stages of a relationship are often filled with regular sexual encounters this can tail off as a relationship becomes more established, particularly after children arrive and parents are worn down by the dual commitments of work and family.

性是健康婚姻的重要组成部分，生理上的亲密会加强爱情与信任的纽带。但事实是，一般夫妻在关系刚开始的一段时间都会进行规律的性行为，而当关系变得更稳定之后，性行为就会慢慢减少，尤其是有了孩子以后，夫妻俩都为了兼顾家庭与工作而疲于奔命。

Sadly societal conditioning leads to men and women having different expectations about sex and different people have different sex drives. A successful marriage will be one where those drives are in synch. Where one person wants more sex than the other is willing to give there can be the potential for problems. In some cases one spouse may be a sex addict with a compulsive need to seek out sex without regard for the consequences to their relationship. In other cases there may be just a simple disconnect between the sex drives of the spouses or one spouse may be experiencing a drastic loss of libido (or erectile dysfunction). Men who have high sex drives are much more likely to cheat than others (a 4% increase for each step up in sexual excitability). People who are concerned about a loss of libido or ability to achieve orgasm are also more likely to cheat – an increase of8% likelihood for women and 6% for men. Probably because they are seeking validation that they still 'have it' and can get aroused if the situation is right.

令人沮丧的是，社会背景导致了男人与女人对性有不同的期待，而不同的人又有不同程度的性欲。在成功的婚姻中，双方性欲往往协调一致。如果有一方想要更多性行为，而另一方却不愿意配合的话，就有可能出现问题。在某些情况下，有一方如果性成瘾，就可能会不顾对亲密关系造成的伤害而从他人处获得性满足。而在另一些情况下，可能仅仅是双方性欲不同步或是其中一方因为某些原因丧失了性冲动（或勃起障碍）。性欲比较旺盛的男性更有可能出轨（性兴奋程度每上升一个层次就可导致多4%的出轨机率）。对失去性冲动或无法到达高潮的担心也会增加出轨的可能性——对女性而言可能性上升8%，对男性则是6%。而这背后的原因可能是他们在寻求证明他们仍旧“能做到”或者是如果当下情境是对的，她们依旧会冲动。

are tempted by others

8.受他人诱惑

Just because a person enters a relationship it does not mean that they suddenly become unattractive to others who may be unattached. The other person (male or female) may be attracted to a married person just as easily as to someone who is not married. If they are a decent individual who cares about the consequences of their actions they will refrain from making advances. Some predators may not be put off by the relationship status of the person they desire. Indeed a marriage band or a declaration of relationship may make the person all the more appealing.

只是因为人们进入固定关系，并不代表他们突然就对其他人失去了吸引力。第三者（无论男性或女性）会受到结了婚的人的吸引，就像受到没有伴侣的人的吸引一样。这些人如果头脑清醒、有自制力，且在意他们的行为带来的后果，他们就不会试图介入他人婚姻。而另一些则好像闻到了血腥味的食肉动物，根本不会因为对方有另一半就被吓退。事实上，结了婚或者有固定伴侣反而让他们觉得对方更有吸引力。

These predators will put on the charm and go all out to tempt the object of their desire. If the married person is weak willed it is almost a certainty that they will cheat, it is only a matter of time. It also appears that we are genetically programmed to be tempted to take risks when we see people who are attractive to us. If someone is tempted often enough their defenses may just crumble and they will find themselves risking their marriage just to take a chance on an affair.

这些食肉动物会使出浑身解数来诱惑他们的目标人物。如果对方意志薄弱，几乎可以肯定他一定会出轨，只不过是时间早晚。而且，我们似乎是天生就带有冒险精神，尤其是看到对我们有吸引力的人的时候。如果受到持续、强大的诱惑，我们的防御系统很有可能就此崩溃，不惜拿婚姻冒险。

fall in love with another person

7.爱上别人

When a couple make the decision to marry they assume that they are in love and will remain exclusively in love for the rest of their lives. But what happens when one of the parties falls in love with another person? It can happen quite easily – in our society today equal opportunities mean that men and women work very closely together. It is not surprising then that romantic relationships can develop in all the myriad of situations where people find themselves pushed together.

当一对情侣决定结婚的时候，他们认为他们正爱着对方，并且这份爱会延续终生。但如果有一方爱上别人怎么办？毕竟这是件很容易的事——如今的社会机会均等，男性与女性在工作中朝夕相处。一段浪漫关系在任何情境下发生都不令人意外。

Sometimes these relationships start out (or never progress beyond) emotional affairs which some victims class as a worse form of cheating than no strings sex. Of course the simple solution would be to end one relationship before starting another but this is not always possible or indeed always desirable to the cheating party who may fall into category 1 below and want to have their cake and eat it too.

有时候一些关系开始于（或者止于）精神出轨，而被出轨的一方会认为这比肉体出轨更无法接受。最简单的解决方法自然是结束一段关系然后开始另一段，但有时候这是不可能的，而且对于被背叛的那一方，他们有可能会因为以下这个理由，想让对方也尝尝被出轨的滋味。

want revenge

6.想要报复

Finding out that your spouse has cheated on you can give rise to many complex emotions. Not only are you likely to feel deeply betrayed and hurt but you are also likely to want to get revenge in one form or another. While some people are creative in the ways they seek revenge others decide to serve their spouse with a taste of their own medicine and go out and cheat.

发现你的另一半出轨会让你产生一种复杂的情绪。你不仅会深深地感到背叛与伤害，很有可能你也想要报复。一些致力于花式虐狗，而另一些人则想要以牙还牙。

While this type of revenge can feel good in the short term it can lead to all sorts of other problems. Once a cheated party cheats themselves the original bad spouse is likely to feel that their actions were vindicated and carry on with their appalling behavior. The revenge cheater is also likely to feel appalling because they took actions which they would not, in normal circumstances, condone. It is also likely to make it far more difficult to salvage the marriage. It seems that the majority of people are intelligent enough to realize that revenge cheating is a path that leads to nowhere. When asked whether they would cheat on their spouse to get revenge for an affair only 9% of men said that they would consider it. It also appears that men are far more forgiving of infidelity (possibly because they are more likely to be the perpetrators) than women as 14% of women said that they would be open to considering a revenge affair if their partner cheated.

这种报复方式可能让人在短时间内扬眉吐气，但也会产生各种各样的问题。一旦被出轨的那方自己变成了出轨人，本来做错事的另一半反而会觉得他们没做错什么，甚至会继续出轨。而出于报复出轨的那一方则会自我感觉很糟糕，因为他们做了，在正常情况下，他们自己都无法原谅的行为。这让挽救婚姻的行为变得更加道阻且长。其实大多数人都会意识到报复式的出轨不会带来任何好处。当被问及是否会因为报复而出轨的时候，只有9%的男性说他们会考虑。同样男性显得比女性更能容忍不忠（可能因为他们自己就更有可能出轨），有14%的女性说她们会考虑看看报复出轨。

翻译：陆宵晨 来源：前十网