伦理讨论 同性恋夫夫选择收养还是代孕

My husband and I are gay and are exploring the possibility of having children using an egg donor and a surrogate mother. Sometimes when we mention this in conversation, people ask us, in a chiding tone, Why don’t you adopt? They often then argue that with so many children in need of good homes, it would be ethically superior for us to adopt, instead of spending a small fortune so we can have children to whom we are genetically tied. In addition, there are ethical issues related to paying women for their eggs or paying women to carry our children as surrogates. Are we acting unethically — or at the least selfishly or self-indulgently — in pursuing biological children instead of adopting orphans who could benefit from what (we like to think) would be a good home? David Lat, New York

我和丈夫是同性恋，我们正在考虑通过捐赠的卵子和代孕拥有自己的孩子。有时我们在谈话中提起这件事时，别人总是以责备的语气问我们为什么不收养孩子。他们给出的理由往往是有那么多孩子需要良好的家庭，从道德上讲，收养孩子比花钱生育跟自己有基因联系的孩子更高尚。另外，购买卵子和花钱请人代孕也涉及伦理问题。我们想要亲生孩子而不是去收养孤儿好让他们享受（我们自认为）良好的家庭环境真的不道德吗？或者至少是自私或自我放纵吗？——大卫·拉特(David Lat)，纽约

Anybody who is contemplating having a baby, by whatever means, could be adopting a child instead. If those who chide you include people who have biological children themselves, you might want to point this out. Come to think of it, your friends who don’t have children are also free, if they meet the legal requirements, to adopt. Every child awaiting adoption is someone who could benefit from parental volunteers. There is no good reason to pick on you.

任何一个正在考虑要孩子的人——不管是通过什么途径——都可以收养孩子。如果那些指责你的人中有人自己有亲生孩子，可以指出这一点。细想一下，你那些没有孩子的朋友如果达到法律要求，也可以收养。任何等待收养的孩子都能从自愿收养的父母那里受益。所以不能单指责你们。

The path you have chosen, it’s true, mixes commerce and reproduction through egg donation and surrogacy. But while acquiring an egg and then working with a surrogate mother are transactions with ethical risks, they can each be conducted in morally permissible ways. The main concerns I would have are avoiding exploitation — so you need to make sure that the donor and the surrogate are acting freely and are fairly compensated — and taking care that your understanding with the surrogate mother is clearly laid out in advance. But any responsible agency that assists you in this should cover these bases.

的确，你们选择的方法涉及卵子捐赠和代孕，所以把商业交易和繁育后代联系到了一起。但是，虽然购买卵子以及与代孕母亲合作是有伦理风险的交易，但是都能以伦理允许的方式进行。我最主要的担心是避免剥削，所以你需要确保卵子捐赠者和代孕母亲是自愿的，且能得到合理补偿，要注意提前与代孕母亲达成清晰的共识。不过，任何一个负责任的协助代孕的机构都会注意这些基本问题的。

Wanting a biological connection with your child is pretty normal: We evolved to pass on our genes, after all, even if we’re free to give Mother Nature the side-eye. There are also things you can more likely do for children to whom you’re biologically related — notably, on the organ-donor front. So while it would be terrific if you adopted, it’s no more incumbent on you than it is on any other potential parents.

希望孩子跟自己有基因联系是很正常的想法：毕竟我们通过基因传递而进化，就算我们对大自然不以为然。另外，有些事情你更可能为自己的亲生孩子去做，最明显的就是捐赠器官。所以，虽然收养是很好的事情，但是你们并不比其他潜在的父母更有义务这样做。

I’ve worked as an educator and administrator in public schools for over a decade. During this time, I have served as a character witness and written letters on behalf of students who have been arrested. In certain cases, these students have been charged with violent offenses. I often found myself in heated arguments with a loved one over these acts of advocacy, specifically because court proceedings typically take place during the day, which requires me to have someone cover my duties at school. I feel that this advocacy is justified because I am an adult who has invested deeply in the development of the children and knows who they are outside of their offenses. Is it ethical for school staff members to offer their time and efforts to support students charged with violent crimes? Name Withheld

我在公立学校担任教师和管理者十多年。在此期间，我曾为那些被拘留的学生做品格担保人，代表他们写文书。在某些案件中，这些学生被判暴力犯罪。我经常与我爱的人就我的辩护行动进行激烈争论，尤其是因为法庭活动通常在白天进行，所以我必须请别人代班。我觉得自己的辩护行动是合理的，因为我在这些孩子的成长过程中投入了很多，我知道他们不违法的时候是什么样子。学校员工付出时间和精力支持被判暴力犯罪的学生合乎道义吗？——匿名

You’re presumably talking about helping the courts to understand the social and educational contexts of students accused of crimes. You’re permitted to testify when the courts find this information relevant in deciding what to do with young offenders. In doing so, you’re helping the courts make what are often very difficult decisions. As long as your advocacy is truthful, it can be a valuable contribution. Asking colleagues to cover for you when you’re doing a public service would seem entirely acceptable; they have good reason to support what you’re doing — and because of that, you should be willing to cover for others when they do the same.

你说的可能是帮助法庭了解被判有罪的学生的社会和教育背景。当法庭发现这些信息对决定如何处置少年犯有用时，你被允许去作证。你这样做是在帮助法庭做出通常很艰难的决定。只要辩护的内容是真实的，那会是很有价值的贡献。你进行公共服务时请同事代班似乎是完全可以接受的。他们很应该支持你做的事情，因此，当他们去做同样的事情时，你也应该愿意为他们代班。

Let me address an issue you haven’t raised: The fact that a student on whose behalf you speak could receive a lighter sentence may upset his or her victims or their families. If the court is doing its job properly, however, the sentence is lighter only because its decision would have otherwise been based on a less complete picture. There is, of course, a question of fairness here, because many young offenders don’t have the advantage of a teacher willing to speak up for them. But you wouldn’t contribute to the overall justice of the situation by denying helpful information in one case on the grounds that it’s unavailable in many others. If you want to help with that problem, you might try to persuade your union to develop ethical guidelines for conducting this form of advocacy.

请允许我谈一点你没提到的问题：替学生说话可能帮他轻判，这可能会让受害人及其家人感到失望。不过，如果法院判罚得当，那么从轻处罚只是因为法院对情况有了更全面的了解。当然，还有一个公平问题，因为很多少年犯没有这样的优势，没有哪位老师愿意替他们说话。但是，如果因为很多其他人没有这样的优势，所以你也拒绝提供有用的信息，那么你也不会提高整个情况的公平性。如果你想改善这种情况，那么你可以试图劝说工会制订进行这种辩护的伦理指导方针。

I am the director of a student’s research for his master’s degree and his eventual thesis. When I accepted him as a student, I was impressed by his intelligence, but I have come to know him as a conniving person who easily lies to get his way. He has no problem manipulating people who don’t know him, and I have come to dislike him because of the way he uses his intelligence. My question is how to respond to his eventual requests for recommendations. He hasn琀 written his thesis yet and busies himself with many other activities, but I know that he will eventually produce a document. I do not want to give this individual a good recommendation. Denying him will probably create an enemy for life, and that can be a difficulty given the culture of the South American country where I live. What should I do or say to him when it comes time to respond to his request? Do I have some obligation to recommend him, looking for any good points I can speak to? Name Withheld, Bogotá, Colombia

我担任一名学生的硕士学位研究和论文写作的导师。我同意做他的导师时，对他的才智印象深刻，但是后来我才知道他是一个爱搞阴谋的人，经常为达目的撒谎。他完全不介意利用那些不了解他的人，他耍小聪明的方法让我越来越不喜欢他。我的问题是如果最后他让我给他写推荐信，我该怎么办。他还没写论文，忙着进行很多其他活动，但我知道他最终会拿到学位。我不想给这个人写一份好推荐信。拒绝他很可能会给我树立一个终生的敌人，考虑到我所生活的这个南美国家的文化，这会是个麻烦。将来他提出那个要求时我该怎么办，怎么说？我有义务给他写推荐信吗？比如写些我愿意说的优点？——匿名，波哥大，哥伦比亚

Here in the United States, you’re certainly free to tell a student you won’t write a recommendation for him, or to say that you don’t think a recommendation from you would be helpful if you did. Indeed, if you’re sure that it will be unhelpful, I think you have a duty to say so. But I don’t know what the conventions are in your country; you seem to be worried that this sort of frankness might create a dangerous enemy. Maybe you have reason to doubt that your recommendation would be kept in confidence.

在美国，肯定可以对学生说，你不会给他写推荐信，或者说你觉得自己的推荐信对他不会有什么帮助。真的，如果确定不会有帮助，我觉得你有责任这样说。但是我不知道你的国家的习惯。你好像很担心这样的坦率可能会制造一个危险的敌人。也许你有理由怀疑你的推荐信能始终保密。

That may justify care and caution; it doesn’t justify mendacity. You should write a letter that your student could see without feeling you betrayed him and that you could write without feeling you betrayed yourself. Accurately describe his intellectual skills and achievements. But you don’t need to say anything at all about his character. Readers will surely make their own inferences; they know that what you don’t say is just as important as what you do. If it’s conventional where you live to say something positive about a person’s character, your silence can be expected to prompt a negative inference. Even if it doesn’t, you won’t have said anything to support a positive inference.

从小心谨慎的角度讲，这无可厚非，但是从弄虚作假的角度讲，这是不应该的。应该写一封即使你的学生看到也不会觉得你背叛他的推荐信，同时这样一封推荐信也不会让你觉得背叛自己。准确描述他的知识技能和成绩。但是完全不需要提到他的性格。读这封推荐信的人肯定能做出自己的推断。他们知道你没说的和你说的同样重要。如果你所在的国家在推荐信中通常都要提到一个人性格方面的优点，那么你不提肯定会引发负面的推断。即使不能，也没有说任何支持正面推断的话。

Here’s a test you might put to yourself: Suppose someone employs your student after reading your recommendation and then discovers the faults you describe. The employer rereads your letter. Will he or she have cause to feel misled?

可以用这个方法进行衡量：假设在看完你的推荐信后，某个单位雇佣了你的学生，后来发现这名学生有上面提到的那些缺点。那位雇佣者重读你的信。他/她会觉得自己被误导了吗？

Once a week, I volunteer at a nonprofit organization, answering a distress line. As a token of its appreciation, the organization provides volunteers with two subway tickets for each day they volunteer. I do not use these tickets because I get to the organization by walking. Instead, I use the tickets to get to another volunteer job that is farther away and that does not provide volunteers with subway tickets. Am I obliged to use the tickets for their implicit purpose of getting me to and from the volunteer job? Name Withheld

曾经有一周，我在一个非盈利组织做志愿者，接听苦恼求助热线。为了表示感谢，这个组织每天给志愿者提供两张地铁票。我没用这些票，因为我可以走路去那里。我用那些票去离我的住处比较远的地方做另一份志愿工作——那份工作不给志愿者提供地铁票。我必须把这些车票用在做这份志愿工作的通勤上吗？——匿名

If someone gives you a benefit to be used for a particular purpose, you owe it to that person to ask if you can use it for another. Suppose you’re in college, and your rich uncle gives you money to pay for the expensive new textbooks your syllabus requires. Instead, you buy cheap used editions and put the rest of the money to another use. Maybe you’re buying booze. Maybe you’re donating to the Betty Ford Center. Either way, this isn’t what your uncle had in mind; you’ve broken an implicit agreement.

如果有人给你一项福利是为了实现特定的目的，那么需要问问那个人你可否用作他途。假设你在上大学，你富有的叔叔给你钱购买课程所需的昂贵的新书。而你买了些便宜的二手书，把剩下的钱花在其他地方。比如买酒。或者是捐给贝蒂·福特中心(Betty Ford Center)。不管怎样，那不是你叔叔所设想的。你实际上违背了默认的协议。

So ask a responsible person at the organization that gives you the subway tickets. I doubt your conduct will cause concern; you may well be told that the tickets are for the organization’s volunteers to use as they please. All the same: Ask. (And by the way, thanks for doing all this volunteer work!)

所以问问给你地铁票的那个组织的负责人。我觉得你的行为不会带来任何问题。你可能会被告知，那些车票是供这个组织的志愿者们随意使用的。总之：问一下（另外，感谢你做这些志愿工作！）。