无奈:中国疯狂的礼尚往来

Corruption in China just isn’t what it used to be. Austerity is breaking out all over. So as China’s politicians meet this week in Beijing for a session of their make-believe parliament, spare a thought for all those who would normally turn up to attempt to bribe them. Their job, too, just isn’t what it used to be.

在中国，腐败形势今非昔比，到处都在奉行节俭。因此，两周前中国的人大代表们聚集在北京、像模像样地参加人大会议时，让我们匀一点心思给所有那些以往通常会现身、试图行贿的人们。他们的工作也与以往有所不同。

A few months ago, nothing was simpler than finding out online how to bribe a government official. There were even special websites offering tips on gifting for influence – for those too squeamish for the bag-of-cash school of corruption.

几个月前，在网上查找贿赂一名政府官员的方法是一件再简单不过的事。甚至有专门的网站为人们支招，指导人们如何给那些不敢收现金的官员送礼。

But then Xi Jinping, the soon-to-be-confirmed president, announced a campaign to attack the “tigers and flies” who feed off sleaze: government officials, low and high, whose greed, he said, threatens the very future of the Communist party.

但随后，习近平宣布，要向那些通过腐败自肥的“老虎和苍蝇”发动一场战役。习说，这些政府官员（不论级别高低）的贪婪，威胁着中共的未来。

And, lucky authoritarian that he is, the sounds of compliance were loud and immediate: lunar new year was all but called off this year, with government departments and state-owned companies pulling the plug on the seasonal banquet that is normally the high point of the work year. Rectitude such as that tends to have a fairly short shelf life in China. But for the moment, the nation is united behind the pretence that things have changed in the world of gifting.

作为一个幸运的威权人物，习的呼吁得到了即时而热烈的响应：政府部门和国企取消了农历年底的宴请活动（这种活动通常是一年的高潮），令春节的味道大打折扣。在中国，这种正直风气的保质期通常相当短。不过就目前而言，中国正团结一致，假装送礼之风已刹住。

So now websites are offering thoughts on how to win friends and influence leaders, without the use of a debit card. (Kingdom of Gifts) offers lots of dos and don’ts. First, don’t approach your target at the office. “You must go to the leader’s home to give the hongbao [a red envelope that traditionally signifies a present of cash in Chinese culture]. If you don’t know where he lives, you can ask your colleagues,” the site advised last month in response to a question from a user about how best to oil the wheels of business in the midst of a corruption crackdown.

因此，如今的网站纷纷为用户出谋划策，指导他们如何不用借记卡来打通关系或求领导办事。礼物国网站()就提供了许多高招和注意事项。上个月，一名用户问到，在反腐风头正劲时打点关系、促进生意的最佳办法是什么？该网站小编给出了以下建议：首先，不要去办公室找送礼对象。“因此我们给领导送红包要去他的家里，如果你不知道他家在哪，可以通过其他的同事打听到的”。

“Wait near his home until you see him walking upstairs. Tell him you were just passing by, happened to see him walking upstairs and ask him if it’s convenient to have a chat,” the agony aunt of present-giving goes on, advising that the giver should make up something – anything – to avoid directly mentioning what he wants.

网站小编建议：“最好在他家的附近等着，当他上楼了之后再给领导打电话，就说刚才路过这地方，看到你刚刚上楼了，想过去坐坐。”小编还建议，送礼者应该编些理由——随便什么理由——以避免直接说明来意。

“You’d better come up with something else – for example, you missed the birthday of his family member and this is a late birthday gift, or you know his relative just got married and this is a late wedding gift, etc,” the site continues.

网站小编接着建议说：“最好想一些其他的理由，比如说他的家人的生日不来得及买礼物，这个就当是补上的生日礼物了，或者他的亲戚结婚了，你说当时不知道没去庆贺，这个也算是晚到的祝福。”

“Generally,” it concludes coyly, “he will know what you mean.”

网站小编隐讳地总结道：“一般领导能看出你是什么意思的。”

Want to “avoid the obvious stink of money”? Try a petrol gift card, the site suggests. The target might refuse cash but a gift card for fuel – what harm can there be in that?

想避免“太铜臭味”？该网站建议，可以试试送加油卡。领导可能会拒收现金，但是收加油卡有什么关系呢？

Even teachers and doctors have to beat off the gift-giving hordes. They may recognise that accepting a Chanel handbag from a parent is not exactly kosher; but they are often a bit hazier about the propriety of common practices as giving teachers supermarket gift cards or topping up the minutes on their mobile phones.

就连老师和医生也有围着送礼的人群需要赶走。老师们也许能够意识到，接受家长赠送的香奈儿(Chanel)手袋不太合适，但对于向教师赠送超市购物卡或者为他们的手机充值这类常见行为，他们的态度往往比较模棱两可。

For those who fail to see much difference between cash in the form of a plastic gift card and the kind with Mao Zedong’s face printed on it, there are always gym or spa memberships. Treadmills and foot rubs are more discreet offerings than, say, a BMW but less than some other alternatives popular in the Xi Jinping era: porcelain and jade, American ginseng and sea cucumber, and local specialities such as Shaanxi green tea or Shangluo walnuts that are hard to price but easy to value.

对那些认为送卡和送现金无甚区别的人而言，健身卡或水疗中心的会员卡总是可以送的。比起开别人送的宝马(BMW)——打个比方，用别人赠送的会员卡去健身房跑步、去水疗中心做足底按摩的确没那么显眼。不过，在习时代，有一些更隐蔽的礼品颇受欢迎：瓷器、玉器、西洋参、海参和一些土特产，比如陕西绿茶、商洛核桃之类的土特产。这些礼品很难定价，但是人们都知道它们价值不菲。

And if in doubt, there is always Chinese art. Given the gyrations in the mainland art market in the past few years, tigers and flies should have no trouble passing off their ill-gotten art collections as worthless. One user of the country’s favourite microblog, Sina Weibo, explains how that scam works. The official drops a hint about liking a particular painting; the would-be bribe-payer buys the artwork, discovering to his amazement that the price is several times its actual value; and everyone ends up with what they want in the end. Except Mr Xi.

如果对以上这些方式还有怀疑，那么总还有中国艺术品可以选择。由于中国内地艺术品市场在过去几年里呈现出来的周期性特点，“老虎和苍蝇们”应该不难将那些来路不正的艺术收藏品伪装为一文不值的藏品。在中国最受欢迎的微博平台新浪微博(Sina Weibo)上，一名微博用户解释了这种贿赂方式的门道：官员暗示自己喜欢某幅字画，有意行贿者去买这幅字画，同时惊讶地发现这幅字画的价格是其实际价值的好几倍；最终每个人都得到了自己想要的东西——除了习近平。

But of course, inflating artwork invoices or investing in truckloads of sea cucumber are much harder work than whipping out that debit card. Delegates to this week’s political meetings used to be able to count on liquor, cigarettes and luxury goods delivered right to their hotel rooms. This year, the word from the political front is that the gifts and even the red carpets are gone. Watch out for a boom in gym memberships, though: maybe in the new China barbells will be the new banknotes.

不过，抬高艺术品价格或者投资购买大量海参，当然比迅速送出借记卡要困难地多。过去，肯定有各种烟酒和奢侈品被直接送到两会代表们的房间里。但今年，据会场传来的说法，不仅礼品无影无踪，甚至连红地毯都不见了。不过，留点神，健身卡可能会销量大增：也许在新时代的中国，哑铃将成为新的硬通货。