结婚20年以来,我第一次发现老公居然是别人的‘干爹’
I thought I had it all: three beautiful kids, a CEO husband who took care of those beautiful kids when I traveled to East Africa to run a nonprofit, a big house in an affluent suburb in Silicon Valley, a vacation house at the lake. But little did I know what was going on behind my back or how radically my life would change when I discovered my husband's secret.
我天真的以为我拥有一切：3个长相甜美的孩子、一位任首席执行官的丈夫、一所位于硅谷富人区的大房子、湖边还有一所度假屋。丈夫会在我去东非从事非营利组织工作的时候帮我照顾孩子。但是我完全不知道丈夫背着我干了些什么，当我发现丈夫秘密的时候，我的生活发生了彻底的变化。My relationship with my husband began to fall apart three years ago. Couples counseling wasn't working and our fights were getting worse and worse ― until one day, after more than 20 years of marriage, my husband told me he was leaving and not coming back.
三年前，我和丈夫的感情出现了裂痕。于我们而言，夫妻治疗不起作用，我们也争吵得越来越厉害--直到有一天（结婚20多年过去了），我的丈夫告诉我：他要离开我了，再也不会回来了。
I was devastated. Numb. I hadn't been on my own since my early 20s. I was graying, had a sagging body, and had been a complete stranger to the traditional job market for more than two decades. I was also coping with chronic depression and anxiety, and the thought of online dating terrified me. The internet didn't even exist the last time I went on a date. Can you even remember what life was like before the internet?
我非常绝望，整个人呆若木鸡。20岁出头，我就和他在一起了。现在的我头发变白了、胸也下垂了、一点都不了解传统的就业市场（毕竟20年来我都没有工作过）。此外，我还患有慢性抑郁和焦虑，一想到网恋我就害怕。毕竟我最后一次约会的时候，网络还没有出现呢。你还记得没有网络的生活吗？
Picking up the pieces and moving on seemed like an impossible task. My husband and I never followed what could be considered "traditional" roles in our marriage. He cooked, did laundry and mostly shared the kid-rearing responsibilities. But, like an old-fashioned wife, I left all of the financial matters to him. I didn't even have the passwords to our bank accounts and credit cards. Ridiculous, I know.
振作精神，生活还得继续，但于我而言，这似乎是不可能完成的任务。婚姻中，我和丈夫从未遵循所谓的"传统"角色。他煮饭、洗衣服、承担了大多数抚养孩子的责任。但是，像传统妻子一样，我把家里的财政大权交给了他。我甚至不知道银行账户和信用卡的密码。很可笑吧？我也知道！Not long after my husband left, I realized I needed to sit down and create a budget for myself. I was prepared to start from scratch - I didn't even know how much our family spent on monthly bills. Surprisingly, my husband provided me with the passwords for our joint bank and credit card accounts.
丈夫离开不久后，我意识到：我必须静下心来做个预算。我已经打算一切从头开始--我甚至不知道家里每个月的开支是多少。令人惊讶的是，丈夫将我们的共同银行卡和信用卡密码告诉了我。I logged in and began scrolling, and found payments he had made to these women. "Enjoy the shopping spree," he wrote in one message. "Have a great weekend!" he told another, and there were many, many transactions.
然后，我登陆了账户浏览消费记录，竟然发现他为好几个女人花过钱。"好好享受这次购物吧，"他在一条信息中写道。"周末愉快！"他对另一位女士说道，消费记录实在是太多太多了。I signed up for seminars and workshops about self-acceptance, I slowly myself that I am enough, that I have a bright future ahead of me.
在此之后，我报名参加各种关于自我接受的研讨会。慢慢地，我开始告诉自己：我很优秀，我的前程光明似锦。
