另一半不会告诉你的那些秘密

1. They Have a New Goal or Ambition That They Aren't Ready to Share Yet

1. 他们还未准备好与人分享的新目标或野心

Research indicates that there are all kinds of secrets partners keep from each other, and while some are less-than-ideal (cheating, debt, and drug use), many are completely innocuous. For example, a recent study done at Columbia University found that many people keep lofty career or personal aspirations to themselves. In this case, the secrecy isn't personal, it's just that they're not prepared to talk about it yet, probably because they're still working it out in their own mind-and that's 100 percent okay.

研究表明，情侣会对彼此保留各种各样的秘密，虽然有些秘密不尽如人意（出轨、债务和吸毒），但很多其它秘密都是无害的。例如，哥伦比亚大学最近开展的一项研究发现：很多人都有追求崇高事业的想法或有个人目标，但他们不会把这些想法告诉他人。在这种情况下，保密并非针对个人，只是他们还没准备好告诉他人，也许是因为他们自己也还在思考--这是完全没问题的。

2. They Have An "Emergency" Bank Account

2. 他们有一个"紧急"银行账户

It's one thing for your S.O. or spouse to keep their student debt or sky-high credit card bills from you, but it's totally another if you're in a good financial situation and they have a little extra cash stashed away for their own personal use. "Everyone should have a 'rainy day' savings that will cover them in case of emergency," says Karolina Pasko, psychotherapist and coach. "It's untouchable and locked. No one needs to know about it." Including you.

另一半或妻子/丈夫不告诉你他们的学生债务或高额信用卡账单是一回事，你们经济状况良好，而他/她存了一些额外现金供自己使用又完全是另一回事。"每个人都应该有一个备用账户，以备不时只需，"心理治疗师兼教练卡罗莉娜·派思可说道。"这笔钱是不能动的，也不需要让其他人知道这笔钱。"包括你。

3. What Their Ex Was Really Like

3. 他们前任的真实情况

You've probably had at least a cursory conversation about your partner's past relationships-but you might not have the whole story about each and every one of them, and it's better that way. "One of the biggest client secrets I've found is past relationship history," says Rosalind Sedacca, dating and relationship coach. "We may have regrets about how we treated a partner. These secrets are sometimes better left untold."

你们可能已经粗略地聊过另一半过去的恋情（至少聊过一次）--但你了解到的这些恋情并不一定全面，这样也不错。"我发现客户最大的秘密之一就是过往恋爱史，"约会和恋情专家Rosalind Sedacca说道。"也许我们后悔曾那样对自己的前任。有时候这些秘密还是不说为好。"

If your partner learned their lesson about what they did or what they shouldn't put up with, there's no reason they should have to tell you about it. Of course, if they're still feeling the emotional impact of their cheating ex and it's causing them to act jealous or suspicious, that's a different story. And remember: still feeling hung up on past mistakes and relationships is one of the signs a person should be single.

如果你的另一半从过去的恋情中吸取教训，知道该怎么做或者知道什么事不能忍，那他们根本就没有理由告诉你这些。当然，如果他们对出轨的前任还留有感情，让他们变得嫉妒或多疑，那就另当别论了。记住：纠结于过去的错误和恋情是一个人应该单身的迹象之一。