和已婚男士的那段婚外情教会了我这些东西

When you are in a relationship, cheating is one of the worst things that can happen. First the rage sets in, then self-doubt, more rage, then the hurt. You find yourself questioning every little thing, and even eventually, you may begin to blame yourself. The reasons people cheat tend to be pretty broad, but take it from someone who has been on both sides of the cheating fence: it feels awful no matter what end of it you are on.

恋爱时最糟心的事情莫过于被出轨。首先你会感到愤怒，然后会自我怀疑、更愤怒，再之后就是受伤。你发现自己会质疑每一件小事，甚至到最后，你开始责怪自己。人们出轨的原因往往很多，但听听看既出轨别人又被出轨的人是怎么说的吧：无论出于何种目的出轨，那种感觉都是很糟糕的。

In graduate school while finishing my thesis, I found myself in a pretty lonely position. I loved the topic I was researching, but socially my life had become pretty isolated. It was all about getting edits to my adviser, research, and what my next professional steps would be, which didn't leave much time for dating.

大学写毕业论文的时候，我发现自己十分孤独。我喜欢我研究的这个课题，但我的社交生活却十分孤立。当时的我一直找导师改文章、做科研，以及思考下一步的职业规划，所以没什么时间约会。

It was also around this time I began to work pretty regularly at a bar near campus. The coffee was pretty decent, happy hour was all day, and I could work there and still feel like I was getting human contact. I worked in that same bar for months, until finally, one day, I felt a tap on my shoulder. An older man introduced himself, asked if I came there often. In the same conversation, he also casually mentioned he was a professor at the same university I attended.

也是在那段时间，我开始在学校附近的一家酒吧定期工作。他家的咖啡很好喝，我每天都很开心，而且在那边工作的时候，我还能与他人接触。我在同一家酒吧工作了几个月，直到有一天，我感觉有人拍了拍我的肩膀。一位大叔介绍了他自己，问我是不是经常来这儿。对话中，他随意的提到自己是一位教授，正好就职于我在的那所大学。

I thought nothing of it at the time, but over the next month, I kept running into him. Eventually he offered to buy me a drink and asked me more about my research. Although we were in different fields, it was nice to have someone take an interest in my work besides my thesis adviser. These kinds of casual conversations went on for a few months, until he started to invite me out with his other graduate students.

当时我啥都没想，但接下来的一个月，我总是遇到他。最后，他说请我喝一杯，问了我更多关于科研方面的问题。虽然我们研究不同的领域，但除了导师，有其他人关心我的工作着实令我欣慰。又过了几个月，我们一直都这样闲聊着，直到他开始邀请我和他的毕业生一起出去。

It seemed like a fun opportunity and something I should take advantage of. But little did I know, this much older professor was angling for more than my research. The drinks with his graduate students eventually turned into late-night texting with him. I knew better than to flirt with a much older, married, tenured professor but thought it was flattering to have his attention.

这似乎是个有趣的机会，我也想利用这个机会。但我所知甚少，因为这位年纪稍大的教授不仅只对我的研究感兴趣。和他指导的毕业生在一起喝酒最后演变成我和他在深夜发短信。我不至于笨到和一个年纪大的、已婚的终身教授调情，但却又觉得获得他的青睐十分动心。