与自恋狂分手时会发生这些事

It is challenging and exhausting being romantically involved with a narcissist, but they can also cause havoc when they leave. Break ups are always hard, but when you've been in a relationship with someone who uses others and is obsessed with themselves, it can be even harder.

与一个自恋狂恋爱既是一场挑战又耗费精力，并且他们离开时也能掀起一场浩劫。分手总是很难，但当与利用他人又自恋的人恋爱时，分手更难。

On the surface, narcissists can seem charming, engaging and charismatic, which can make them difficult to leave in the first place.

表面上，自恋的人看起来英俊、迷人又有魅力，刚开始时往往让人难以离开。

Dr Judith Orloff, a clinical psychiatrist at the University of California Los Angeles, wrote in a recent blog post on Psychology Today that narcissists can make you "fall in love with them so hard that it feels like you're giving up a part of your heart to leave them," because they're very good at becoming the centre of your universe while you're with them.

加利福尼亚大学洛杉矶分校临床心理医生朱迪丝·奥洛夫博士在最近发表于《今日心理学》杂志的文章中写道，自恋狂会使人觉得"爱上他们是如此的不易，离开他们仿佛心都缺了一块，"因为在恋爱时，他们很擅长成为你的世界中心。

Here's what to expect if you break up with a narcissist.

当与自恋狂分手时可能会发生这些事。

If they're the ones to break it off, it can feel brutal and sudden.

如果他们是主动提出分手的人，对你来说即残酷又突然。

One minute you may feel like everything your partner has ever wanted, and the next you're left wandering what on Earth went wrong. This is because narcissists are great at playing a part while they're getting something from their source, according to Orloff. But when they're done using you, they have no difficulty in casting you aside like a used tissue.

这一分钟你会觉得这就是你对于伴侣想要的一切，下一分钟你会不断思考究竟做错什么了。据奥洛夫所说，这是因为自恋狂善于从灵魂深处扮演一个角色。但是当他们不需要利用你时，能够毫不费力地把你当做用过的纸一样扔掉。

There will be no apologies or remorse, and you may well never hear from them again, regardless of how long your relationship was. If they do return, it will be because they've realised they can get something from you.

没有道歉也没有自责，不管你们的关系持续了多久，你可能再也不会听到他们的消息了。如果他们又回来了，那便是因为他们意识到还能从你身上得到点什么。

If you're the one who chose to leave, on the other hand, be prepared for begging, pleading or bargaining.

如果你主动选择离开，在另一方面，做好迎接乞求、恳求以及讨价还价的准备。

If you're the one who chose to leave, good for you because Orloff says that's hard to do. They are likely to give you the fight of your life because they're not done with you yet. Narcissists hate losing their supply, so they won't let you go easily.

如果你主动选择离开，这对你是好的，但奥洛夫说这很难做到。他们可能会与你大吵一架，那是因为他们还没有得到自己想要的。自恋狂讨厌失去他们的供给，所以他们不会轻易让你走。

Prepare for them to promise "to change." They might suddenly start doing things for you that you'd been complaining about. They may say "you'll be lost without me," or "you'll never find someone like me."

准备好听到他们说"我会改"的承诺。他们或许会突然为你做曾经抱怨的事。他们或许会说"没有我你会迷失自己"或者"你再也找不到像我一样好的人。"

Don't listen, Orloff advises. It's just a trick to get you to come back to them out of fear.

千万别听信了，奥洛夫建议道。这只是让你远离恐惧，再次回到他们身边的把戏。

What next? Establish no contact.

下一步是什么呢？不要建立联系。