我没有意识到我竟然犯了这一重大的育儿错误

"What I'm seeing is that your son feels like he has too much power in your home," the therapist said. "He needs you guys to be in charge, not him." The words felt like a slap in the face, but I got it.

“我所看到的就是你的儿子感觉自己在家中可以为所欲为，”治疗师说道。“他需要你们做主，而非他自己。”这些话就像耳光一样重重的打在我脸上，但这一切我都知道。

I'd meant well. A nurturer, I'd used shied away from the traditional discipline I'd grown up with, choosing a gentler path. But I'd taken it too far, and mostly, without even realizing it.

我的本意是好的。作为一位养育者，我不希望以我长大的那种传统方式来教育我的孩子，我选择了更为温和的方法。但我却放纵过头了，甚至没有意识到。

I'm a sensitive soul. I could be described as an empath, or the slightly harsher term of co-dependent. I have a strong tendency to take other peoples' emotions on—or worse, the emotion I think they're having. The closer the person is to me, the more fiercely I absorb their feelings.

我十分敏感。可能人们在描述我的时候，会说我是个脆弱的人，或是更残酷的词：依赖别人的人。我往往会亲身领会他人的感情——更糟糕的是，这种感情是我自以为的。我越和某人亲密，就会越强烈的领会他们的情绪。

So when my son was born, all sensitive and strong-willed, I was pretty much screwed. The intense, unique love that bloomed for him was nothing I'd experienced before. It felt like the cord that connected us when he was in my belly was still there, but instead of pulsing flesh it was unseeable and unbreakable.

所以儿子出生的时候，我十分敏感又意志坚定，感觉自己都快搞砸了。他身上那种强烈而又独特的爱是我从未体会过的。就好像怀他时连着我们的脐带还在一样，但这时的脐带已不再是活生生的肉，而是牢不可破的无形纽带。

His intense feelings were unbearable for me. I physically reacted to his cries—as mothers, that's what we are wired to do to ensure that our babies are cared for. But as he became a toddler, a preschooler, a little and then a not-so-little boy, I continued to respond to his upsets viscerally, my skin going alert, electric at his cries. My sensitivity to his emotions, coupled with his stubbornly strong opinions meant that I often reacted to his feelings with frustration or anxiety, and often let him take the lead.

然而我无法承受他浓烈的爱。当他哭泣时我的身体会做出反应——作为母亲，这是我们的本能，以确保宝宝得到了我们的关爱。但当他开始学会走路、到了上学前班的年纪、又过了不久他已不是那个小宝宝了，我继续在心里对他的悲伤做出反应，他哭泣时，我的皮肤会起鸡皮疙瘩。我对他的各种情绪非常敏感，再加上他的观点十分固执，因此我通常会沮丧、焦躁的回应他的情绪，所以他经常占上风。

As he got older, I'd turned to rotating between bribery and threats when he dug his heels in about something. This had culminated a few weeks before the meeting with the therapist when my son had thrown an epic tantrum because he didn't want to come with me to pick up his sister from preschool. I'd been stuck in a cycle of reacting to my son's big emotions, and had often handed him the reigns because it seemed like that was what he wanted.

后来他慢慢长大，当他和我意见相左时，我会贿赂他，或者给他吃零食。在我与治疗师讲述自己的问题前，这样的情况持续了几周。由于儿子不想跟我一起去学前班接他妹妹回家，因此大发脾气后（他从未发过这么大的脾气），我才去看治疗师的。我深陷于如何回应儿子强烈情绪的深渊中，通常会让他做主，因为这好像就是他所希望的。