情感专家告诉你如何得知是否找到了“真命天子/女”
The millennial dating app scene could make a true cynic out of anyone, which is why the idea of finding your perfect match feels more nauseating the older (and more single) you feel. Here, we asked some big questions of sociologist Dr. Pepper Schwartz-AARP's resident sex and relationship expert and the author of 16 books on sex, relationships, and even love myths. She discusses the problematic idea of love at first sight, having unrealistic expectations of a partner, and how to maintain a good relationship with any human being you're currently dating, flaws and all (we're all ears).
千禧年的约会软件能让任何人看起来都玩世不恭，这也是人们越老（或单身越久）就觉得找到完美的另一半就越感到恶心的原因。社会学家Pepper Schwartz博士是AARP的常驻性情感专家，同时也出版了16本书籍。本文中，我们问了Pepper Schwartz博士一些有关性、情感甚至是爱情神话的重大问题。她也谈及了一见钟情、对伴侣有不切实际的期待等有争议的问题以及如何与正在约会的对象保持良好的情感关系，爱我的一切吧（我们都在全神贯注的听呢）。Marie Claire: What would you say to people who believe in love at first sight?
玛丽•克莱尔：你想对那些相信一见钟情的人说些什么呢？
Dr. Pepper Schwartz: I'd say that it's often true that people are attracted to each other immediately, but it's just as true for those relationships to end up a disaster. But people don't think of that as false love-at-first-sight. They highlight the examples that worked rather than the ones that failed.
Pepper Schwartz博士：我想说，人们立马就被彼此吸引是种正常现象，但这些人的感情最终以灾难结尾收场同样也很正常。但人们却不会认为这是一种错误的一见钟情。他们会强调那些一见钟情后在一起的情侣如何如何，而避而不谈那些失败的例子。
Ultimately, there are qualities people are drawn to: The way somebody's eyes sparkle, the way they dress. I think people who say "love at first sight" don't realise all the information they're taking in that they're not coding.
最终，很多人都被吸引了（认为有一见钟情）：某个人的眼睛在发光，他们的衣着方式等等。我认为那些说着“一见钟情”的人们并没有意识到一见钟情时所有隐含信息。The way a person's dress shows their social class. The way they look often shows their background. The way they stand shows their attitude. That information can amount to attraction, but it's not like there's a one-and-only, as if you saw them and everything was guaranteed thereafter.
一个人的衣着方式表明了他们的社会阶级。他们的外表通常表明了他们的出身。他们的站姿表明了他们的态度。这些信息都能够让人产生好感，但并不代表他/她是唯一的，就好像你看到了他们，之后的任何事情都有了保障一样。Your partner is just a human being. They can't fulfil it all.
你的伴侣也是人啊，他是不可能满足你的一切幻想的。MC: Can you expound on that idea of there not being one perfect match for everyone?
玛丽•克莱尔：你能不能解释一下这个观点，那就是并不是所有的人都能遇到自己的王子或公主吗？PS: Well, look at all the people who get divorced. Some of them experienced "love at first sight." But there is not just one perfect person. With justification you can say "my prince" or "my queen" and "I found her right away," but those people were just dumb lucky. You can feel like something is real and your partner is "the one" and then all the other details come out, and things change.
Pepper Schwartz博士：额，看看那些离婚了的夫妻吧。有些人就有过“一见钟情”。但他/她就不是命中注定的那个人。如果理由充分的话，你可以说“我的王子”或“我的公主”以及“我一眼就找到她/他了，”但这些人只是运气好罢了。你可以感受到有些事情是真实的，你的伴侣就是“命中注定的”，然后你又会注意到其它的细节，事情就发生了改变。
