抑郁的律师 Care from lawyers turned therapists
When work became too much for Will Meyerhofer’s client, a twenty-something associate at a big law firm, she slipped into a quiet room in the office. Then she shut the door, pulled down the blinds and started to weep. Through her tears she became dimly aware of a noise coming through the wall: it was a colleague sobbing in the next room.
威尔迈耶霍弗(Will Meyerhofer)有一名二十多岁的客户，是一家大型律师事务所的的助理，当工作让她感到难以承受的时候，她会在办公室里找一个安静的房间悄悄溜入去，关上门，放下窗帘，开始哭泣。泪眼朦胧中，她隐约听到声音从墙的另一边透过来：那是一名同事在隔壁房间里抽泣。
Mr Meyerhofer tells this story to underline the misery that lurks beneath the successful of some lawyers. “There is something unique about the law partnership structure, billable hours and the brutal competition of a law firm,” he says.
迈耶霍弗用这个故事来表明潜藏在一些律师光鲜表象下的辛酸。“律师事务所的合伙制结构、计费小时制和残酷的竞争在某种程度是独一无二的，”他说。
Based in Tribeca, New York, the former lawyer is a psychotherapist who has carved out a niche seeing clients from the legal profession; some who he counsels over Skype are in Britain, Japan and India. There is a steady stream of anxious, burnt out and depressed lawyers coming to see him, he says. While the banking sector has attracted attention for its punishing work conditions, he argues that lawyers can have it worse. In banking, there is an expectation that working life can improve as bankers scale the greasy pole, but this is not the case for lawyers.
这位曾担任律师的心理治疗师在纽约翠贝卡区(Tribeca)工作，他开拓了一个专门针对法律人士的利基市场；一些他通过Skype提供咨询的客户远在英国、日本和印度。迈耶霍弗表示，不断有焦虑不安、心力交瘁和抑郁消沉的律师前来找他。尽管银行业因为严苛的工作条件而受到关注，但他认为，律师们的情况可能有过之而无不及。在银行业，升职不容易，不过人们可以寄望于工作状态或许会随着级别攀升而改善，而律师们的情况就不是这样了。
“You’re the equivalent of a banking analyst for all your life. It’s brutal, it follows you home.” This familiarity with legal roles and culture means he is empathetic to lawyers. In therapy sessions with clients, some tyrannical bosses’ names keep coming up.
“你一辈子都在做相当于银行分析师的工作。工作很辛苦，即使你回家了它也如影随形。”这种对律师工作和文化的熟悉意味着迈耶霍弗能和律师产生共鸣。在客户的治疗疗程中，一些专横的老板的名字被不断提起。
Chicago-based Alan Levin is a co-founder of a practice of lawyers turned therapists who cater to the legal profession. He says that while it is clearly not a pre-requisite to have been a lawyer to understand one, it certainly helps. “A client can refer to something in their experience and they don’t need to explain it,” Mr Levin says.
在芝加哥工作的艾伦莱文(Alan Levin)是这个由律师转行的心理治疗师组成、专门针对法律人士的心理治疗所的联合创始人之一。他表示，虽然曾经担任律师显然不是理解律师处境的先决条件，但这样的经历肯定是有帮助的。“客户在提及他们经历的一些事情时，不用费力对其进行解释，”莱文说。
The former employment lawyer says that there can be a divide between the corporate and caring professions. A therapist without a corporate background might suggest a client could decline to work on a Saturday. “They don’t understand how impossible it can sometimes feel to turn down work.”
这位前劳工法律师表示，在公司里工作跟在心理治疗所工作可能迥然不同。没在公司里工作过的治疗师可能会建议客户，可以拒绝在周六工作。“他们不理解拒绝工作有时候会让人感觉多么不可能。”
Mr Meyerhofer, who attended Harvard and New York University School of Law before going to work at Sullivan & Cromwell, in its securities and capital markets divisions, says he did not fit in.
上过哈佛大学(Harvard University)和纽约大学法学院(New York University School of Law)之后，迈耶霍弗进入了苏利文与克伦威尔律师事务所(Sullivan & Cromwell)，在那里的证券和资本市场部门工作。他说，自己那时感觉格格不入。
“I hated it. I wasn’t cut out to be a corporate lawyer. It was very competitive, long hours, doing detailed work.” In the end, he was “delicately shown the door”.
“我讨厌这份工作。我不适合当公司法律师——竞争非常激烈、加班时间很长、做一些非常具体的工作。”最后，他被“委婉地请走了”。
Today, he looks back and realises he was depressed and anxious. As well as becoming an insomniac, he gained 45lbs as a result of his legal stint. After retraining as a psychotherapist and writing blogs on the emotional fallout of working in the legal profession, he discovered former colleagues who had always seemed happy confessing to anxiety and self-doubt. “I didn’t realise so many colleagues were so miserable.”
今天，他回顾过去，意识到他当时既焦虑又抑郁。在律所工作的那段时间，他经常失眠，还增重了45磅。在重新接受培训成为一名心理治疗师，并撰写博客讲述法律职业对情绪造成的影响后，他发现了一些看起来总是非常快乐的前同事坦陈自己感到焦虑和自我怀疑。“我之前没有意识到有这么多同事如此痛苦。”
As a therapist, Mr Meyerhofer encounters many clients who, he believes, are subconsciously sabotaging their careers: for example, by talking back to their boss in the hope that they might be paid off. He asks clients: if you were fired tomorrow how would you feel? Relief is a common response.
作为一名治疗师，迈耶霍弗遇到了很多在他看来在潜意识地破坏自己职业前途的客户：比如，顶撞老板，暗地里希望老板或许会给他们一笔遣散费让他们走人。他问客户：如果你明天就被解雇了，你会有什么感觉？许多人的回答都是：解脱。
Some of his female clients express frustration about being sidelined, sexually harassed and given the office “housework”, such as looking after junior colleagues.
一些女性客户说自己被边缘化、受到性骚扰或者被交付照看级别较低的同事等琐事，因而感到沮丧。
Therapists’ clients are a self-selecting group. They are in therapy because they want help. In any case, not all of Mr Meyerhofer’s lawyer clients feel miserable about work. “Some love law,” he says. Nor would he always advise those feeling trapped by their job to hand in their notice. Tweaks to their role, or a sideways move, might be better.
治疗师的客户是一个自我选择的群体。他们之所以接受治疗是因为他们需要帮助。无论如何，迈耶霍弗的律师客户并非都感觉工作令他们痛苦。“有些人热爱法律，”他说。他也不会总是劝告那些感觉被工作困住的客户递交辞呈。调整岗位角色，或者平级调动，可能会更好。
A common problem Mr Levin, 68, sees among his lawyer clients is what he labels the “curse of unlimited potential”. These are people who have been told they are bright and feel they must live up to their potential. “The curse is it’s unlimited and it can never be fulfilled.”
现年68岁的莱文认为，他的律师客户存在一个共同问题，他将其称之为“无限潜力的诅咒”。这些人一直被告知他们很聪明，他们感到必须实现自己的潜力。“这之所以是个诅咒，是因为潜力是无限的，永远不可能完全实现。”
A former partner at a “magic circle” firm in the City, who is retraining as a psychoanalyst at the Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation Trust, says lawyers can become divorced from their emotions. “On the one hand you have everything and feel nothing.” In the end, she felt the job was inessential yet “vastly overpaid”.
一位伦敦金融城(City of London)“魔法圈”律所（Magic Circle，指英国五大律所——译注）的前合伙人经过重新培训成为了塔维斯托克和波特曼NHS基金会信托(Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation Trust)的心理分析师。她表示，律师可能会自我麻痹，把自己的感觉搁到一边。“你应有尽有，却没有任何感觉。”最后，她感觉这份工作并不重要，却“挣得太多”。
Anxiety can run high on the topic of compensation, particularly when it comes to bonuses, says Mr Levin. “It’s not about the money,” he insists. “Most would feel better if they were earning half a million dollars and everyone around them earned the same or less, than if they had $1m and everyone else was on $1.6m.”
在薪酬的话题上，尤其是奖金方面，律师的焦虑情绪可能会非常严重，莱文说。“这不是钱的问题，”他坚称，“如果他们挣50万美元，周围所有人也或多或少是这个数字，他们会比自己挣100万美元，而其他所有人都挣160万美元感觉更好。”
The money, he says, is about validation, particularly important in a workplace where few people receive thanks from clients, colleagues or their superiors.
他说，收入是一种证明，在一个少有人从客户、同事或者上级那里获得感谢的工作场所尤为重要。
Money and prestige become a trap, observes Mr Meyerhofer. A well-paid senior lawyer frequently expresses anxiety that if she left her job she would be out on the street. Such catastrophising, he says, is far from atypical.
迈耶霍弗指出，金钱和身份地位成为了陷阱。一位收入丰厚的高级律师常常表达她的焦虑情绪，担忧她如果不再当律师了就会露宿街头。他表示，这种杞人忧天的情绪远非个案。
Sarah Weinstein is based in California and has been a psychotherapist for more than a year, after working as a lawyer for 12 years. The 44-year-old says her clients appreciate the chance to let their guard down. “Lawyers pretend they are fine all the time.” Putting on a confident exterior can be exhausting.
住在加利福利亚的萨拉温斯坦(Sarah Weinstein)担任心理治疗师已经1年多了，此前她当了12年的律师。现年44岁的温斯坦表示，能够放下防备让她的客户感觉很好。“律师们要时刻假装自己状态良好。”以自信的姿态示人可能会让人精疲力竭。
Today, Mr Meyerhofer has mixed feelings about going to law school. “I spent a huge amount of money on law school and got depressed. But I have developed a practice out of it.” While having lawyers as clients is more lucrative than janitors, he says he earns the same now as he did when he was a junior lawyer.
现在，对于上法学院，迈耶霍弗感觉复杂。“我当年上法学院花了一笔巨资，结果还抑郁了。但这段经历又让我开办了一家心理治疗所。”虽然为律师做心理治疗师挣的钱比下有余，但迈耶霍弗说自己现在挣得也就和他当初任初级律师时一样多。
He is critical of law schools, which he sees as “big cash cows”, believing too many students are admitted who are ill-equipped to become lawyers.
他批评法学院，认为它们只顾赚钱，太多被法学院录取的学生其实并不具备当律师的条件。
He advises many law student clients to quit. “A lot of kids are so unhappy.”
他建议很多法学院学生退学。“很多学生非常不开心。”
On occasion, a client will tell Mr Meyerhofer that he is a fraud, whiner or loser: that he is only a therapist because he could not make it in law. He freely admits he was not a great lawyer: “I’m not a complete blithering idiot … I didn’t want to do it.” Moreover, he says, his job allows him weekends off and evenings to himself.
有时也会有客户说迈耶霍弗是个骗子、抱怨者或者失败者：他成为治疗师的唯一原因是因为他在律师界混不下去。迈耶霍弗坦率地承认他不是一个好律师：“我不是一个彻头彻尾的傻瓜……我不想当律师。”另外，他表示，治疗师的工作让他周末能够正常休息，晚上也不用加班。
