时尚双语:当开始生活时我希望已经知道的20件事情

“Everything has been figured out, except how to live.” - Jean-Paul Sartre

I’m nearly 35 years old, and I’ve made my share of mistakes in my life. I’m not a big believer in regrets … and I have learned tremendously from every single mistake … and my life is pretty great.

However, there are a few things I wish I had known when I was graduating from high school and starting out as an adult in life.

Would I change things? I’m not so sure. I might never have gotten into a mountain of debt, but then I wouldn’t have learned the amazing satisfaction of getting out of it. I might have made better career choices, but then I wouldn’t have all the work experience that makes me the blogger and writer that I am today.

I might not have gotten married that first time, so that I would never have gotten divorced … but then I wouldn’t have my first two beautiful wonderful incredible children from that first marriage.

I don’t think I would change any of that. However, looking back, there are some lessons I’ve learned that I would probably tell my 18-year-old self. Do I share them now to share my regrets? No, I share them in hopes that younger men and women, just starting out in life, can benefit from my mistakes and my lessons.

What follows isn’t an exhaustive list, but it’s one that I hope proves useful to at least a few people.

“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.” - Jack Handey

How to control impulse spending. If there’s anything that got me in trouble financially, it’s impulse spending. Buying clothes when I don’t need them. Buying gadgets because I gotta have them. Ordering stuff online because it’s so easy. Buying that new shiny SUV because … well, because it was going to help me with women. I’m not proud of any of that. I’ve learned to control my impulses, at least a little better. Now, I give myself some time to breathe. I think over my purchases, see if I’ve got the money, think about whether it’s a need or a want. That would have been a useful tool 15 years ago.

You gotta stay active. I was in track, cross country and basketball in high school, but once I started college, the running and basketball began to slowly fade away. Not right away — I played pick-up basketball for years after high school. But even that went away, until I became sedentary. Playing with my kids outdoors winded me. And I began to get fat. I’ve reversed that trend, and am very active now, but I’m still trying to burn the fat I gained in those inactive years.

How to plan finances. I always knew that I was supposed to budget and track my spending, when I became an adult. I just was too lazy to do it. And I didn’t have a good idea of how to actually do it. Now, I’ve learned how to plan, and how to stick to that plan. Sure, I deviate from my plan, but I’ve learned how to handle that too. Maybe that’s not a skill you can learn from book reading. You just gotta practice. Well, I hope to teach it to my children before they go out on their own.

Junk food will come back to bite you in the butt. Yeah, it wasn’t just the sedentary lifestyle that got me fat. It was all the damn junk food too. I would eat pizza and burgers and Twinkies and sugar cereal and desserts and donuts and … well, you get the picture. As someone used to being able to eat whatever I wanted, it never seemed like it would be a problem. Bad health was something to worry about when you got old. Well, my jeans began to get way too tight, and to my horror, I climbed several pants sizes and developed a gut that only now is going away. I wish someone had shown me an “after” picture when I was young and downing the Big Gulp sodas.

Smoking is just dumb. I didn’t start smoking until I was well into my adult years. I won’t go into why I started, but it didn’t seem like a problem, because I knew I could quit anytime I wanted. Or I thought I could, at least, until several years later I gave it a go and couldn’t do it. Five failed quits later and I realized with horror that my addiction was stronger than I was. Sure, I eventually beat the habit (quit date: Nov. 18, 2005) but it took a piece of my soul to do it.

Fund your retirement, son. And don’t withdraw it. This piece of wisdom, and probably all the ones above, might seem blisteringly obvious. And they are. Don’t think I didn’t know this when I was 18. I did. I just didn’t pay it serious attention. Retirement was something I could worry about when I was in my 30s. Well, I’m in my 30s now and I wish I could slap that little 18-year-old Leo around a bit. What money I could have invested by now! I had a retirement plan, but on the 3 occasions when I changed jobs, I withdrew that and spent it frivolously.
All the stuff you’re doing that seems hard — it will be of use. This is the first one that might not be as obvious. There were times in my life when work was hard, and I did it anyway, but hated it. I did it because I had to, but boy did it stress me out and leave me exhausted. Hard work isn’t as easy as I wanted it to be. But you know what? Every bit of hard work I did without knowing why I was doing it … it’s paid off for me in the long run. Maybe not right away, but I’m using skills and habits I learned during those times of high stress and long hours and tedious work — I use them all the time, and they’ve made me into the person I am today. Thank you, younger Leo!

Don’t buy that used van without checking it out closely. I thought I was being smart by buying used, but I didn’t check it out carefully enough. That dang van had loads of engine problems, a door that nearly fell off when I was driving, a door handle that snapped off, a side mirror that fell off, no spare tire despite three tires that were ready to blow (and did), windows that didn’t roll up, rattling noises, an eventual blown radiator … I could go on and on, but let’s just say that it wasn’t my best purchase. I still think buying used is smart, but check things out closely first.

That guy you’re going to sell your car to? On a gentleman’s agreement? He’s not gonna pay you. I sold another car to a friend of a friend, who I was sure would pay me even if I had nothing in writing. That was smart. I still see the guy once in awhile on the road, but I don’t have the energy to do a U-turn and chase after him.

Make time to pursue your passion, no matter how busy you are. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, and get a book published. I just never had time to write. With a family and school and a full-time job, there just weren’t enough hours in the day. Well, I’ve learned that you have to make those hours. Set aside a block of time to do what you love, cut out other stuff from your life that take up your time, and don’t let anything interfere with that work. If I had done that 15 years ago, I could have 15 books written by now. Not all would be great, but still.

All that stuff that’s stressing you out — it won’t matter in 5 years, let alone 15. When things are happening to you right now, they mean all the world. I had deadlines and projects and people breathing down my neck, and my stress levels went through the roof. I don’t regret the hard work (see above) but I think I would have been less stressed if I could have just realized that it wouldn’t matter a single bit just a few years down the road. Perspective is a good thing to learn.

The people you make friends with are so much more important than your job or the things you buy. I’ve had a few jobs, I’ve bought a lot of things, and I’ve made a few friends over these last 15 years. Of those, the only thing that still matter to me are the friends. And I wish I could have spent more time with friends (and family) than on the other things.

All that time you spend watching TV is a huge, huge waste of time. I don’t know how much TV I’ve watched over the years, but it’s a crapload. Hours and days and weeks I’ll never have back. Who cares what happens on reality TV, when reality is slipping by outside? Time is something you’ll never get back — don’t waste it on TV.

Your kids are going to grow up way faster than you think. Don’t waste a minute. I just had an Oh My God moment recently. My oldest daughter, Chloe, is 14 going on 15 next month. I have 3 years left with her before she leaves my house and becomes an adult. Three years! I am floored by that single fact, because it really doesn’t seem anywhere near enough time. I want to go back to my younger self and whack that younger Leo on the head and say Stop working so hard! Stop watching TV! Spend more time with your kids! These last 15 years with Chloe (and my other wonderful kids) have gone by much, much too fast.

Forget the drama. Focus on being happy. There have been many things that have happened to me, professionally and personally, that seem like the end of the world. And while these things were bad, they get blown up in our heads so that they become major drama. They caused me to be depressed from time to time. What a waste of time. If I realized that it was all in my head, and that I could be happy instead if I focused on the positive, on what I did have, and what I could be doing … I could have skipped all the moping about.

Pay more attention to blogs when you first hear about them. They’re more than just journals. I first read about blogs 7-8 years ago, but when I took a look at them they didn’t seem like anything of interest. Just some people’s journals about stuff they read on the web. Why would I want to read those? I have my own thoughts about the web, but I don’t need to share them with the world. I spent a lot of time on the Internet, on various sites and forums, but every time I happened upon a blog I would brush past it without interest. It wasn’t until a couple years ago that I discovered what wonderful things they could be (I mentioned some of my early favorites in my list of influences). If I had gotten into blogging years ago … well, I wouldn’t have been wasting all that time.
Speaking of which, keep a journal. Seriously. Your memory is extremely faulty. I forget things really easily. Not short-term stuff, but long-term. I don’t remember things about my kids’ early years, because I didn’t record any of it. I don’t remember things about my life. It’s like a lot of foggy memories that I’ll never have access to. I wish I had kept a journal.

Tequila is seriously evil. I won’t go into details, but it should suffice to say that I had some bad experiences, and I’m not sure I learned very much from them or benefited in any way except to learn that tequila is the drink of the Devil.

Yes, you can do a marathon. Don’t put this goal off — it’s extremely rewarding. Running a marathon had always been a dream of mine, since high school … something I wanted to do but thought was out of reach. Or if I ever did it, it would be years and years later. Well, I learned that it’s not only achievable, it’s incredibly rewarding. I wish I had started training when I was young and light and fit … I could have had some good finishing times!

All these mistakes you’re going to make, despite this advice? They’re worth it. My 18-year-old self would probably have read this post and said, “Good advice!” And then he would have proceeded to make the same mistakes, despite good intentions. I was a good kid, but I wasn’t good at following advice. I had to make my own mistakes, and live my own life. And that’s what I did, and I don’t regret a minute of it. Every experience I’ve had (even the tequila ones) have led me down the path of life to where I am today. I love where I am today, and wouldn’t trade it for another life for all the world. The pain, the stress, the drama, the hard work, the mistakes, the depression, the hangovers, the debt, the fat … it was all worth it.

“Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.” - Mark Twain

Jean-Paul Sartre说“每件事情都已经算好了，除了如何生活”

我已经快35岁了，并且我已经分享了我生活中的错误。我不是强烈的忏悔主义追随者…我已经从每一个错误中吸取了极大的教训…并且我的生活现在相当好。

然而，有一些事情我希望在我高中毕业开始成人生活的时候就已经知道了。

我能改变事情么？我不确定。我本可以永远都不用欠下一屁股债，但是那样的话我可能永远都不知道从中解脱的痛快满足。我本可以有更好的职业选择，但是那样的话我不可能有所有这些使我今天成为一名博客写手和作家的工作经验。

我本可以不用洁第一次婚，那样我或许永远也不用离婚…但是那样的话我永远也不会有在第一次婚姻里得到的头两个漂亮精彩难以置信的孩子。

我知道我不能改变任何一个。但是，回顾过去，我学到的一些教训可以告诉那个十八岁的自己。我现在是在同我的忏悔分享他们么？不是的，我分享它们是希望那些刚刚开始生活的年轻男男女女能从我的错误和教训中受益。

下面说的并不完全，但是，我希望它至少能对一些人有用。

Jack Handey说“我希望生活不是一个大玩笑，因为我没有开过”

1. 如何控制乱花钱。 如果有什么事情使我陷入经济危机，那就是乱花钱。买我并不需要的衣服，买小玩意因为我想要，因为方便就网上购物，买新的闪亮SUV因为…，恩，因为它能使我帮助妇女。我并不因任何一件而自豪。我已经学会控制不乱花钱，至少是好点了。现在，我给自己一些时间来喘息。我回想我的购物，假如我得到了这些钱，它是一种必须还是一种需要。这本该是15年前一种得力的思考方式。

2. 你要活得积极些。 在高中的时候我出现在小道上田野间篮球场上，可是一旦开始大学生活，漫跑和篮球开始慢慢的退出。没有很快，但是高中毕业后我还是在业余篮球队里打了几年。但是即使那些也成为了过去，直到我成为久坐者。和孩子在室外玩耍令我得到了喘息，并且那时候我开始变胖，我已经保留了那种趋势现在很活跃，但是我仍然试着燃烧掉在那些不活跃岁月里积累下的脂肪。

3.如何进行财政规划 当我成为成年人的时候我一直都知道我应该预算并记录自己的花费，我只是懒得去做。并且我也不知道如何去做。现在我已经学会如何来规划以及如何按照这个规划来做。当然，我会达不到计划目标，但是我已经学会如何来处理这样的事情。这可能是你从书本上学不到的技巧。你可以试着去做一下。恩，我希望在我孩子独立之前把这项技术教给他们。

4.垃圾食品最终会回来咬你。 是的，不光是常坐不起的生活方式让我发胖，所有那些该死的垃圾食品也是罪魁祸首。我会吃披萨，汉堡，Twinkies，甜麦片，甜点心，甜甜圈，等等啦，你可以想象的。一个人可以习惯吃我想吃的每个东西，这从来不是什么问题。当你变老的时候不健康就是你会担心的事情。恩 ，我的牛仔开始变紧，让我自豪的是，我过去爬几步就气喘吁吁，肚子也打了，而现在，这些都没有了。我希望有人能在我年轻的时候当我大口喝苏打水的时候给我看看之后的效果图。

5.吸烟是愚蠢的。知道我成年我才开始吸烟。我不想说为什么开始吸烟，但是这对我来说不是什么问题，因为我知道我能在任何我想戒烟的时候把烟戒掉。或者至少当时我是这么认为的，直到几年之后我试着戒烟但是没有成功。失败了五次之后，我很惊恐的意识到我的烟瘾比我想象的要强烈的多。当然，哦哦最终戒掉了这个坏习惯（戒掉烟瘾纪念日：2005年11月18日）但是，这的确费了我不少精神。

6.孩子，要交你的养老保险，不要撤回。这是一种智慧，或许是最重要的一条，也可能是看起来最明显的一条。它们的确是这样。别以为我18岁的时候不知道这些。我知道。我只是没有认真对待。退休时在我30来岁的时候担心的事情。恩，我现在已经30来岁了，我真想扇18岁的小李欧耳光。到如今我已经投资不少了！我有过退休计划，但是在我三次换工作的时候，我撤回了那些保险并且愚蠢的花掉了。

7. 你正在做的所有事情看起来都很难，这是肯定的。这是第一件可能不是很明显的。我生活里有好多次工作很难的时候，不管怎样我做了，但是我很那份工作。我做是因为我不得不做，但是它给了我很大的压力使我筋疲力尽。沉重的工作不像我希望的那样简单，但是你知道么？每件艰难的工作我都不知道为什么我要去做…它能长期使我受益，可能不是立马就能受益，但是，我正在使用在那段高压劳累枯燥的日子里学来的技术和习惯-----我一直在使用，它们造就了今天的我。谢谢你，小李欧。

8. 不要没检查仔细就买下二手货车。我原以为我很聪明买下二手车，但是我没有检查仔细。那辆摇晃的货车有一大堆的引擎问题，一扇车门在我开的时候差点要掉下去，车把手已经折断了，一个车镜掉了，没有备胎尽管有三个已经爆了的废胎，车窗不能拉上去，无休止的噪音，脏兮兮的发射天线…我可以再接着列举，但是我只是想说它不是我最棒的购物。虽然我仍然认为买二手货是明智之举，但是要首先仔细检查。

9. 你要把车卖个那个人么？君子协定？他不会把钱给你的。我把另一辆车卖给了我朋友的一个朋友，我当时确信就算我没有立下什么字据他也会把钱给我。那是自作聪明。我偶尔还会在路上看见那个人，但是我没有勇气转身去跟他要钱。

10.不管你有多忙都要找出时间来追逐你的激情。 我一直都梦想着成为一名作家，并且能出版一本书。我只是从未有时间写作。有家庭要照顾，要上学，还有一份全职工作，一天里也就没有多少足够的时间了。恩，我知道你能找出这样的时间，留出一段时间来做你喜欢做的事情，去掉那些占用你时间的事情，不要让任何事情打扰你做喜欢做的事情。假如我15年前就这样做了，我现在就能有15本书了。不是所有的事情都能变得伟大，但还是会这样的。

11.所有那些给你压力的人五年之后都没有什么意义了，更不用说十五年了。所有那些正发生在你身上的事情意味着整个世界。紧催的截止期，项目，和人都要把我逼疯了。我并不后悔上面说的沉重工作，但是我认为假如我能意识到那在未来几年后不会有什么意义我会更轻松一点。视角是一件很需要学习的事情。

12.你交的朋友远比你的工作和买的东西要重要。在过去的15年里，我有过几份工作，买过很多东西，交过一些朋友，在这些当中唯一对我还有意义的就是朋友。我希望我能用比做其他事情更多的时间陪朋友家人。

13.你用来看电视的所有时间都是很大很大的时间浪费。

我不知道在过去的那些年里我用多少时间来看电视，但是肯定是很大的一笔时间。那些分分秒秒日日月月我永远都要不回来了。当现实在流走的时候谁关心电视上发生的？时间就是你永远也要不回来的东西---不要把时间浪费在看电视上。

14.你的孩子比你想象的要成长的快，不要浪费时间。我最近很惊讶的发现我14岁的大女儿卡罗下月就要15岁了，在她离开我成为成年人只有三年的时间和我在一起了。三年啊！我被这个现实镇住了，因为真的是好像哪里都没有足够的时间。我想回到我的年轻时代，狠狠的敲敲那个小李欧的头，并且跟她书哟不要这么卖命的工作了！不要看电视了！和孩子多呆一会吧！和卡罗一起的15年过得实在是太快太快了.

15.忘记悲伤，开心起来。我在工作生活上有许多事情看起来都像是我的世界末日。并且当这些事情糟糕的时候它们给我很大的打击以至于成为了我生活的主题。它们使我一次又一次的受挫。多么大的时间浪费啊！假如我意识到那只是存在我脑子里的，意识到要是关注相反面，关注我所拥有的，关注我能做的，我就会相应的很开心。我本可以从那些郁闷的事情中摆脱的。

16.当你初次听说博客的时候多关注些，它们不仅仅是日志。我是在七八年前第一次读到博客的，但是但是我看到的时候它们一点也没意思。只是一些人在网上读到的东西写的日志。我为什么想要读它们？我有自己的对网络的认识，我没必要和世界分享。我花大量的时间在网上，浏览不同的网站论坛，但是每次我碰到博客的时候我会没什么兴趣的一扫而过。就在几年之前我发现博客是那么的有趣（在my list of influces里面我提到了一些我早期的最爱）。假如我几年之前就喜欢上写博客，恩，我就不会浪费那些时间了。

17.提到记日志，认真的说，你的记忆力是相当容易出错的。我真的很容易忘事情，不是近期的，是长期的事情。我不记得我孩子小时候的事情了，因为我没有做任何记录。我不记得有关我生活的事情了。有很多模糊的记忆就好像我从来没有经历过一样。我希望我以前记了日志。

18.龙舌兰酒很邪恶。我不想仔细说，但是只要说我有过很糟糕的经历就已经足够了。我不确定我从中学到了太多的东西或者通过哪一种方式受了多大的益处，除了认识到龙舌兰酒是魔鬼的饮料。

19.是的，你可以跑马拉松。不要推迟了----它是极其的有益的。从高中的时候跑马拉松就一直是我的梦想了，它使我想做又觉得做不到。或者，就算我能去跑，也是好多年之后。恩，我明白那不仅是可以做到的，而且毫无疑问是大有裨益的。我希望在我年轻手脚轻便身体健康的时候就已经开始训练了。我本可以有一些精彩的冲刺机会。

20.你要犯的那些错误都是值得的。我18岁的时候要是看到这个观点会说“好主意！”然后他会继续犯同样的错误，尽管意图是好的。我曾经是一个好孩子，但是我不太擅长按照别人的意见来做。我得犯我自己的错误，过我自己的生活。这就是我曾经说过的，我从未因此而后悔过。我所拥有的每一次经历（甚至龙舌兰酒的经历）都把我引上了哦我现在这样的生活方式。我喜欢我现在的位置，我不会跟世界上任何一种生活做交换。那些痛苦，压力，不开心，沉重的工作，郁闷的心情，宿醉，债务，赘肉…都是值得的。

“让我们这样的生活，当我们死的时候甚至抬棺人都感到伤心”-----马克·吐温