我该不该将懒惰的已成年儿子踢出家门?

My son is nearly 20. He is bright but lazy. All he does is mess around on his computer and chat to online friends. He did well in his GCSEs, despite doing zero work, and started a diploma but dropped out because of depression. He had some time off, restarted the course and dropped out again. He's done nothing since. I am at my wits' end.

我的儿子快20岁了，他很聪明，但也很懒。他只会在电脑上到处浏览、和网友聊天。尽管他不做功课，但他还是拿到了普通中等教育证书，而后开始攻读学位却因抑郁而退学。休息一段时间之后，他重新开始上课，然后再度退学。自那以后，他什么事都没做。我已经无计可施了。

My dad thinks he's a waste of space and I should kick him out, but that seems harsh. He is polite and will help if I ask, but he has no motivation to do anything. If I try to talk to him about it, he digs his heels in and does less. His father and I split up when he was four; he's never had a dad in his life. I was single until five years ago, but that relationship has just ended.

我父亲认为他在家里呆着也是浪费空间，让我把他赶出去，但我觉得这样太残酷了。只要我要求，儿子还是会礼貌地帮忙的，但他不会主动做任何事。如果我试图和他谈论这个问题，他会变得十分顽固，更不做事。他4岁时，我和他父亲分开了，所以他不曾有过父亲。直到5年前我都一直处于单身状态，但后来谈的那段感情也无疾而终了。

At one stage my son was very depressed and talked about feeling hopeless. He had a few counselling sessions, but I don't think they helped. He seems fine now, but I worry that pushing him will cause him to spiral again. He lacks self-confidence and seems happy to exist in the microcosm of his bedroom. I know he needs to take responsibility for his life, but how hard should I work to make that happen?

在某一阶段，儿子感到沮丧、绝望。他参加了几场辅导咨询，但我认为并没有什么作用。现在，他看上去还不错，但我担心将他赶出去会让他再度抑郁。他缺乏自信，乐于宅在卧室的微型世界中。我知道他需要为自己的人生负责，但我难以忍下心让他走。

His two older sisters are not like him at all; both are independent and getting on with their lives. I worry that if anything happened to me, my son wouldn't have the skills to cope. Should I kick him out and give him some tough love, or let him grow up a bit?

与他不同的是，他的两位姐姐都非常独立、已经开始独自生活。我担心如若我遭遇不测，我的儿子是否能安然应对。我该不该将他赶出家门，对他严格要求，亦或是等他长大一点再说呢？

I loathe the term "tough love". Sure, it's tough loving people sometimes, through certain situations; but to me tough denotes something hard and unyielding, which isn't love at all. I think you are torn between what you want to do and what you feel others are saying you should do. You should ignore what your father is saying: that is not helpful at all. You know your son: what's your instinct telling you?

我讨厌"爱之深责之切"一词。当然，在某些情况下，爱别人很难，但于我而言，坚韧意味着坚强、不屈不挠，而这与爱无关啊。我觉得你深受折磨：究竟是做自己想做之事还是做他人觉得你应该做的事。你应该无视父亲的话：因为他的话根本没有任何帮助。你了解你的儿子：所以听从自己的直觉吧。