经典科幻文学:《银河系漫游指南》第24章4

"Indeed Earthman."
"Look, sorry — are we talking about the little white furry things with the cheese fixation and women standing on tables screaming in early sixties sit coms?"
Slartibartfast coughed politely.
"Earthman," he said, "it is sometimes hard to follow your mode of speech. Remember I have been asleep inside this planet of Magrathea for five million years and know little of these early sixties sit coms of which you speak. These creatures you call mice, you see, they are not quite as they appear. They are merely the protrusion into our dimension of vast hyperintelligent pan-dimensional beings. The whole business with the cheese and the squeaking is just a front."
The old man paused, and with a sympathetic frown continued. "They've been experimenting on you I'm afraid."
Arthur thought about this for a second, and then his face cleared.
"Ah no," he said, "I see the source of the misunderstanding now. No, look you see, what happened was that we used to do experiments on them. They were often used in behavioural research, Pavlov and all that sort of stuff. So what happened was hat the mice would be set all sorts of tests, learning to ring bells, run around mazes and things so that the whole nature of the learning process could be examined. From our observations of their behaviour we were able to learn all sorts of things about our own ..."
Arthur's voice tailed off.
"Such subtlety ..." said Slartibartfast, "one has to admire it."
"What?" said Arthur.
"How better to disguise their real natures, and how better to guide your thinking. Suddenly running down a maze the wrong way, eating the wrong bit of cheese, unexpectedly dropping dead of myxomatosis, — if it's finely calculated the cumulative effect is enormous."
He paused for effect.
"You see, Earthman, they really are particularly clever hyperintelligent pan-dimensional beings. Your planet and people have formed the matrix of an organic computer running a ten-million-year research programme ..."Let me tell you the whole story. It'll take a little time."
"Time," said Arthur weakly, "is not currently one of my problems."

“一点不错，地球人。”
“你瞧，对不起，我们是在说那种小小的、灰色的、毛茸茸的、疯狂迷恋奶酪的、在60年代早期的肥皂剧中把女人们吓得在桌子上尖叫的生物吗？”
司拉提巴特法斯特礼貌地咳嗽了一声。
“地球人，”他说，“有时候真是很难适应你说话的方式。请记住，我在这颗叫做曼格拉斯的行星内部睡了整整500万年，因此一点儿也不知道你所说的什么60年代早期的肥皂剧。这些被你们称为老鼠的生物，你瞧，他们并非你们看上去的那样。他们是一些恰好进入了我们这个维度的具有超级智慧的泛维度生物。所有那些奶酪和尖叫都只是表面现象而已。”
老人停顿了一下，同情地皱起了眉头。“我恐怕，他们是在你们身上作实验。”
阿瑟思考了一秒钟，脸上的表情变得开朗起来。
“哦，不，”他说，“我现在终于找到误解的根源了。不是这样的。你瞧，你所看到的其实足我们在它们身上作实验。它们常常被用于行为科学的研究，巴甫洛夫什么的。利用老鼠能进行各种测试。通过学习摇铃、走迷宫等等，可以分析自然的学习过程。通过对他们行为的观察，我们能够了解到我们自己的许多情况……”
阿瑟的声音逐渐减弱。
“高明啊……”司拉提巴特法斯特说，“真是不得不钦佩。”
“什么？”阿瑟问。
“多么巧妙地隐藏了他们自己的天性，又是多么巧妙地引导了你们的思维。不时还故意在迷宫中走错路，故意啃掉错误的奶酪，甚至无缘无故地死于多发性黏液瘤。如果这些都是经过精心推算的计策的话，逐渐积累下来的成果是多么惊人啊。”
他略微停顿了…卜。
“你瞧，地球人，他们确实是极其聪明的、具有超级智慧的泛维度生物。你们这颗星球和你们人类自身其实构成了一台有机电脑的母体，运行着，一个为期1000万年的研究程序……还是让我来告诉你整个故事吧。可能得花点儿时间。”
“时间，”阿瑟虚弱地说，“跟我目前所碰上的问题比起来，根本不算一个问题。”