诺贝尔文学经典:《宠儿》第12章Part 6

Sweet Home was tiny compared to the places she had been. Mr. Garner, Mrs. Garner, herself,Halle, and four boys, over half named Paul, made up the entire population. Mrs. Garner hummedwhen she worked; Mr. Garner acted like the world was a toy he was supposed to have fun with. Neither wanted her in the field — Mr. Garner's boys, including Halle, did all of that — which wasa blessing since she could not have managed it anyway. What she did was stand beside thehumming Lillian Garner while the two of them cooked, preserved, washed, ironed, made candles,clothes, soap and cider;fed chickens, pigs, dogs and geese; milked cows, churned butter, renderedfat, laid fires. . . . Nothing to it. And nobody knocked her down.
Her hip hurt every single day — but she never spoke of it. Only Halle, who had watched hermovements closely for the last four years, knew that to get in and out of bed she had to lift herthigh with both hands, which was why he spoke to Mr. Garner about buying her out of there so shecould sit down for a change. Sweet boy. The one person who did something hard for her: gave herhis work, his life and now his children, whose voices she could just make out as she stood in thegarden wondering what was the dark and coming thing behind the scent of disapproval. SweetHome was a marked improvement. No question. And no matter, for the sadness was at her center,the desolated center where the self that was no self made its home. Sad as it was that she did notknow where her children were buried or what they looked like if alive, fact was she knew moreabout them than she knew about herself, having never had the map to discover what she was like.
Could she sing? (Was it nice to hear when she did?) Was she pretty? Was she a good friend? Couldshe have been a loving mother? A faithful wife? Have I got a sister and does she favor me? If mymother knew me would she like me?
In Lillian Garner's house, exempted from the field work that broke her hip and the exhaustion thatdrugged her mind; in Lillian Garner's house where nobody knocked her down (or up), she listenedto the whitewoman humming at her work; watched her face light up when Mr. Garner came in andthought, It's better here, but I'm not. The Garners, it seemed to her, ran a special kind of slavery,treating them like paid labor, listening to what they said, teaching what they wanted known. Andhe didn't stud his boys. Never brought them to her cabin with directions to "lay down with her,"like they did in Carolina, or rented their sex out on other farms. It surprised and pleased her, butworried her too. Would he pick women for them or what did he think was going to happen whenthose boys ran smack into their nature? Some danger he was courting and he surely knew it. Infact, his order for them not to leave Sweet Home,except in his company, was not so much becauseof the law, but the danger of men-bred slaves on the loose.

"甜蜜之家"同她以前待过的许多地方比起来实在很小。加纳先生、加纳太太、她本人、黑尔，还有四个一多半都叫保罗的男孩子，构成了全部的人口。加纳太太干活的时候爱哼歌儿；加纳先生呢，则表现得似乎世界就是他的一个好玩的玩具。谁都不让她下田——加纳先生的男孩们，包括黑尔，包了那些活儿——也是件幸运事，因为反正她也干不了。她只管站在哼歌儿的丽莲·加纳身边，两个人一起做饭、腌菜、浆洗、熨烫；做蜡烛、衣裳、肥皂和苹果汁；喂鸡、猪、狗和鹅；挤牛奶、搅牛油、熬猪油、生火……不算回事。而且没有人把她打翻在地。
她的屁股每天都疼——可她从来没提起过。唯有黑尔，在最后的四年里一直仔细地观察她的动作，知道了她上下床必须用两手搬起大腿才行；就是为了这个，他才跟加纳先生说起要赎她出去，好让她坐下来有个变化。多体贴的孩子啊。是他，为她做了件艰苦的事情：把他的劳动、他的生活给了她，如今也把他的孩子们给了她，现在，她站在菜园里纳闷非难的气味后面那黑压压赶来的东西是什么的时候，就刚好能够听见他们的声音。"甜蜜之家"是一个显著的进步。毫无疑问。其实也无所谓，因为悲哀就在她的中心，那丧失自我的自我栖居的荒凉的中心。那悲哀，就好比她不知道自己的孩子们埋在哪里，或者即便活着也不知是什么模样。事实上，她比了解自己更了解他们，因为从来没有过一丝线索，帮助她发现自己是个什么样子。
她会唱歌吗？（她唱得好听吗？）她漂亮吗？她是个好朋友吗？她本来可以成为一个慈爱的母亲吗？可以成为一个忠贞的妻子吗？我有个姐姐吗，她宠我吗？假如我妈妈认识我她会喜欢我吗？
在丽莲·加纳的家里，她从伤了她屁股的农活和麻痹她思想的疲惫中解脱出来；在丽莲·加纳的家里，没有人把她打翻在地（或强奸她）。她听着那白女人边干活边哼歌儿，看着她的脸在加纳先生进来时骤然亮起来，心想：这个地方更好，可我并不更好。在她看来，加纳夫妇施行着一种特殊的奴隶制，对待他们像雇工，听他们说话，把他们想知道的事情教给他们。而且，他不用他的奴隶男孩们配种，从来不把他们带进她的小屋，像卡罗来纳那帮人那样命令他们"和她躺下"，也不把他们的性出租给别的农庄。这让她惊讶和满意，也让她担忧。他会给他们挑女人吗？他认为这些男孩兽性爆发时会发生什么事呢？他在招惹天大的危险，他当然清楚。事实上，除非由他带着、否则不准离开"甜蜜之家"的命令，并不真是因为法律，而是考虑到对也是人生父母养的奴隶放任自流的危险才下达的。