诺贝尔文学经典:《宠儿》第12章Part 5

Baby Suggs leaned back into the peppers and the squash vines with her hoe. Carefully, with theblade at just the right angle, she cut through a stalk of insistent rue. Its flowers she stuck through asplit in her hat; the rest she tossed aside. The quiet clok clok clok of wood splitting reminded herthat Stamp was doing the chore he promised to the night before. She sighed at her work and, amoment later, straightened up to sniff the disapproval once again. Resting on the handle of the hoe,she concentrated. She was accustomed to the knowledge that nobody prayed for her — but thisfree floating repulsion was new. It wasn't whitefolks — that much she could tell — so it must becolored ones. And then she knew. Her friends and neighbors were angry at her because she hadoverstepped, given too much, offended them by excess.
Baby closed her eyes. Perhaps they were right. Suddenly, behind the disapproving odor, way wayback behind it, she smelled another thing. Dark and coming. Something she couldn't get at because the other odor hid it.
She squeezed her eyes tight to see what it was but all she could make out was high-topped shoesshe didn't like the look of. Thwarted yet wondering, she chopped away with the hoe. What could itbe? This dark and coming thing. What was left to hurt her now? News of Halle's death? No. Shehad been prepared for that better than she had for his life. The last of her children, whom shebarely glanced at when he was born because it wasn't worth the trouble to try to learn features youwould never see change into adulthood anyway. Seven times she had done that: held a little foot;examined the fat fingertips with her own — fingers she never saw become the male or femalehands a mother would recognize anywhere. She didn't know to this day what their permanent teethlooked like; or how they held their heads when they walked. Did Patty lose her lisp? What colordid Famous' skin finally take? Was that a cleft in Johnny's chin or just a dimple that woulddisappear soon's his jawbone changed? Four girls, and the last time she sawthem there was no hairunder their arms. Does Ardelia still love the burned bottom of bread? All seven were gone or dead. What would be the point of looking too hard at that youngest one? But for some reason they let herkeep him. He was with her — everywhere.
When she hurt her hip in Carolina she was a real bargain (costing less than Halle, who was tenthen) for Mr. Garner, who took them both to Kentucky to a farm he called Sweet Home. Becauseof the hip she jerked like a three-legged dog when she walked. But at Sweet Home there wasn't arice field or tobacco patch in sight, and nobody, but nobody, knocked her down. Not once. LillianGarner called her Jenny for some reason but she never pushed, hit or called her mean names. Evenwhen she slipped in cow dung and broke every egg in her apron, nobody said youblackbitchwhat'sthematterwith-you and nobody knocked her down.

贝比·萨格斯又弯腰为胡椒秧和黄瓜藤锄草。锄头的角度刚好合适，她小心地铲断一根顽固的芸香茎。芸香的花被她揪下来插进帽子的裂缝中；剩下的丢在一边。劈木头单调的哐哐哐的声音提醒了她，斯坦普正在干他昨天晚上答应的差事。她冲手里的活计叹了口气，过了一会儿，又直起腰，再一次去嗅那非难气味。她拄着锄头把，专心致志地嗅着。她已经习惯于没有人为她祈祷了——但这肆意飘荡的嫌恶却是新的。那不是白人——这一点她还能肯定——所以只能是黑人了。于是，她全明白了。是她的朋友和邻居在生她的气，因为她走得太远，施与得太多，由于不知节制而惹恼了他们。
贝比闭上眼睛。也许他们是对的。突然，就在非难的气味后面，后面很远很远的地方，她嗅到了另一种东西。黑压压地赶来。是一种她拿不准是什么的东西，因为非难的气味盖过了它。
她使劲挤着眼睛去看它到底是什么，但她能看清楚的只是一双样式不讨她喜欢的高靿鞋。既沮丧又惶惑，她用锄头继续锄着地。会是什么呢？这个黑压压赶来的东西。现在还剩什么能来伤害她呢？黑尔的死讯？不。她已经为那个作好了准备，比为他活着作的准备还要充分。那是她最后一个孩子，生下时她几乎没瞟上一眼，因为犯不上费心思去认清他的模样，你反正永远也不可能看着他长大成人。她已经干了七回了：抓起一只小脚；用自己的指尖检查那些胖乎乎的指尖——那些手指，她从没见过它们长成母亲在哪儿都能认出的男人或女人的手。她至今不知道他们换过的牙是什么样子；他们走路时头怎么放。帕蒂的大舌头好了么？菲莫斯的皮肤最终是什么颜色的？约翰尼的下巴上到底是一个裂缝呢，还是仅仅一个酒窝而已，等下颚骨一长开就会消失？四个女孩，她最后看到她们的时候她们腋下都还没长毛。阿黛丽亚还爱吃煳面包底儿吗？整整七个，都走了，或是死了。如此看重那个最小的又有什么意义呢？可是，不知为了什么缘故，他们允许她留下了他。他一直跟着她——到每一个地方。
她在卡罗来纳时屁股受过伤，这对于加纳先生来说可真是笔划得来的交易（价钱比当时只有十岁的黑尔还低），他把他们俩一起带到肯塔基，到了一个他称做"甜蜜之家"的农庄上。因为屁股，她走起路来像只三条腿的狗似的一瘸一拐。可是在"甜蜜之家"，看不见一块稻田或者烟叶地，而且更没有人把打翻在地。一次也没有。不知为什么，丽莲·加纳叫她珍妮，不过她从来没有推搡过她、打过她或者骂过她。甚至当她被牛粪滑倒，摔碎了围裙里所有的鸡蛋的时候，也没有人说"你个黑母狗，你犯什么病了"，更没有人把她打翻在地。