《美食祈祷和恋爱》Chapter 56 (122):蚊虫叮咬

On the other hand—when is it a good time of day, or life, to sit in detached stillness? When isn't there something buzzing about, trying to distract you and get a rise out of you? So I made a decision (inspired again by my Guru's instruction that we are to become scientists of our own inner experience). I presented myself with an experiment—what if I sat through this for once? Instead of slapping and griping, what if I sat through the discomfort, just for one hour of my long life?

话说回来——何时才是好时辰、好时机，适合在淡泊的寂静中静坐？何时才不会有嗡嗡叫的事物让你分心、让你烦呢？于是我下定决心（又一次由导师的引导而得到启发：我们必须研究自身的内在经验）。我提供自己一个实验——“要是我从头坐到尾就这一次，又怎么样？”不要拍打，也不要发牢骚。要是熬过这个时刻，一生就这一小时，又如何呢？

So I did it. In stillness, I watched myself get eaten by mosquitoes. To be honest, part of me was wondering what this little macho experiment was meant to prove, but another part of me well knew—it was a beginner's attempt at self-mastery. If I could sit through this nonlethal physical discomfort, then what other discomforts might I someday be able to sit through? What about emotional discomforts, which are even harder for me to endure? What about jealousy, anger, fear, disappointment, loneliness, shame, boredom?

于是我这么做。我安安静静地看着自己被蚊子吞噬。老实说，一部分的我想知道这男子气概的小实验究竟要证明什么，可是另一部分的我深知——这是自我管理的初级尝试。我若熬过这场无杀伤力的生理痛苦，那么或许哪天就能熬过其他痛苦？更难以忍受的情感之苦？嫉妒、愤怒、恐惧、失望、寂寞、耻辱、沉闷之苦？

The itch was maddening at first but eventually it just melded into a general burning feeling and I rode that heat to a mild euphoria. I allowed the pain to lose its specific associations and become pure sensation—neither good nor bad, just intense—and that intensity lifted me out of myself and into meditation. I sat there for two hours. A bird might very well have landed on my head; I wouldn't have noticed.

一开始的痒令人受不了，但最终结合成一般的灼热感；这个灼热感领着我进入一种轻度快感。我让疼痛松散而去，成为纯粹的感觉——无关好坏，而是强烈的感觉——此种强烈感让我超脱自己而入定。我静坐两个小时。鸟儿若停在我头上，我也不会发现。

Let me be clear about one thing. I recognize that this experiment wasn't the most stoic act of fortitude in the history of mankind, and I'm not asking for a Congressional Medal of Honor here. But there was something mildly thrilling for me about realizing that in my thirty-four years on earth I have never not slapped at a mosquito when it was biting me. I've been a pup-pet to this and to millions of other small and large signals of pain or pleasure throughout my life. Whenever something happens, I always react. But here I was—disregarding the reflex. I was doing something I'd never done before. A small thing, granted, but how often do I get to say that? And what will I be able to do tomorrow that I cannot yet do today?

我要说清楚的是，这项实验不是人类历史上最坚忍的修行，我也不是想要国会颁给我荣誉勋章。可是在三十四年的生命中，我从未在蚊子叮我的时候不伸手拍打，这使我有些激动。我像木偶一样，一生当中受制于千百万种大大小小的痛苦或快乐。每当有事发生，我便起而反应。但此时的我，却无视于本能的反应。我以前未曾这么做过。即使这是件小事，但我还能这么说多少次？明天我能做什么今天还做不到的事？

When it was all over, I stood up, walked to my room and assessed the damage. I counted about twenty mosquito bites. But within a half an hour, all the bites had diminished. It all goes away. Eventually, everything goes away. Eat, Pray, Love

结束后，我站起来，走到房间估计损失。我数了数，大约被蚊子咬了二十处之多。但不到半个小时，咬伤的地方都不见了，都消逝无踪。最终，一切都消逝无踪。