《美食祈祷和恋爱》Chapter 45 (96):和神说话

Thoughts come, but I don't pay much attention to them, other than to say to them in an alMost motherly manner, "Oh, I know you jokers . . . go outside and play now . . . Mommy's listening to God."

想法进来了，但我未多加留意，只是用近乎母性的态度跟这些想法说：“喔，我知道你们是淘气鬼……去外头玩吧……妈咪在听神说话。”

Ham-sa.

宏——撒。

I am That.

我是他。

I fall asleep for a while. (Or whatever. In meditation, you can never really be sure if what you think is sleep is actually sleep; sometimes it's just another level of consciousness.) When I awake, or whatever, I can feel this soft blue electrical energy pulsing through my body, in waves. It's a little alarming, but also amazing. I don't know what to do, so I just speak internally to this energy. I say to it, "I believe in you," and it magnifies, volumizes, in response. It's frighteningly powerful now, like a kidnapping of the senses. It's humming up from the base of my spine. My neck feels like it wants to stretch and twist, so I let it, and then I'm sitting there in the strangest position—perched upright like a good Yogi, but with my left ear pressed hard against my left shoulder. I don't know why my head and neck want to do this, but I'm not going to argue with them; they are insistent. The pounding blue energy keeps pitching through my body, and I can hear a sort of thrumming sound in my ears, and it's so mighty now that I actually can't deal with it anymore. It scares me so much that I say to it, "I'm not ready yet!" and snap open my eyes. It all goes away. I'm back in a room again, back in my surroundings. I look at my watch. I've been here—or somewhere—for almost an hour.

有一段时间，我睡着了。（无论如何称之皆可。禅坐当时，你永远无法确知自己认为的“睡着”就是“睡着”；有时只是另一种意识层次。）醒来时，我感觉到某种柔和的蓝色电能，以水波流动的方式通过我的身体。这令人有些惊恐，却也十分美妙。我不知如何是好，因此只对内心的这股能量说：“我相信你。”于是这股能量做出反应，放大、延展。此刻的它，强大得令人恐惧，犹如感官遭到绑架。它从我的背脊底部往上哼唱。我的脖子感觉想伸展扭曲，于是我听其自然，而后我以最奇特的姿势坐在那里——像瑜伽好手那样挺直而坐，左耳却紧紧贴住左肩。我不清楚自己的头和脖子为何想这么做，但我不想和它们争辩，它们很坚持如此做。澎湃的蓝色能量持续在我体内做俯仰运动，我听见耳朵里有呜呜响声，如此有力，竟然使我再也无法承受。我非常害怕，于是对它说“我还没准备好”，啪地睁开眼睛。一切消失而去。我又回到房间里，回到周围的环境。我看表。我已待在这里——或某个地方——将近一个小时。

I am panting, literally panting.

Eat, Pray, Love

我喘着气，的的确确喘着气。