英语爆笑笑话短篇的文章阅读
学习英语，阅读真的很重要，多阅读一些简单的英语笑话也是提高英语阅读能力的一种，下面本站小编在这里整理了一些英语爆笑笑话，希望大家会喜欢这些英语笑话!
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow".
老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到?
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"
英语爆笑笑话篇二Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?
Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.
妈妈：你为什么不停地跳上跳下的?
汤姆：我刚吃完药，可我忘了先摇瓶子了
英语爆笑笑话篇三Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him?
Jack: Certainly.
Tom: And why?
Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.
汤姆：威廉向我借五英镑。我该不该借给他?
杰克：当然应该了。
汤姆：为什么?
杰克：否则他就该跟我借了。
英语爆笑笑话篇四Graveyard Scare
140.墓地惊魂
One dark night two guys were walking home after aparty and decided to take a shortcut through thecemetery.
一个漆黑的夜晚，两个小伙子参加完聚会，决定抄近路穿过一片坟地走回家。
When they got to about the middle of the graveyard they were startled and stopped e was this terrifying noise, "TAP-TAP-TAP" coming from the shadows.
走到坟地的中间，从阴暗处传出来恐怖的“嗒、嗒、嗒”声音，吓得他们再也走不动了。
Trembling with fear, they spotted an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at oneof the headstones.
浑身颤抖着，他们发现有个老人正拿着榔头和凿子凿一块墓碑。
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath.
“噢，主啊，”其中一个屏住呼吸说，
"You SCARED us half to death. We thought you were a GHOST! What are you doing workinghere so late at night?"
“你吓死我们了，我们还以为你是鬼了。这么晚了你在这干什么呢?”
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!!"
“这些傻瓜!”老人抱怨说，“他们拼错了我的名字!”
英语爆笑笑话篇五电子邮件
A man left for a vacation to Jamaica.
有个人去牙买加度假，
His wife was on a business trip and was planning tomeet him there the next day.
他的妻子正好出差，所以打算在他到之后的第二天去找他。
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail message.
他到了宾馆，想要给妻子发封邮件，
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his bestto type it in from memory.
但是记着邮箱的纸找不到了，于是他凭着记忆把信发到了一个邮箱。
Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher'swife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
很不幸，他漏掉了一个字母，因此他的信发到了一个老传教士的妻子的邮箱里，而传教士恰好在前一天去世了。
When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out apiercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.
悲痛的老妇人察看邮箱，看着显示器屏幕她尖叫一声，随后就倒在地上死去了。
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: "Dearest Wife,Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
听到她的声音，家人赶忙跑进她的房间，只见这样一句话显示在屏幕上：“亲爱的，快来吧。为了你明天的到来，一切都准备好了。爱你的丈夫。
Your Loving Husband. P.S. Sure is hot down here."
顺便说一句，这里可真够热的。”
>>>下一页更多“搞笑英文短篇笑话阅读”英语爆笑笑话篇六
酒后驾车
Late one night a police officer was patrolling a rowdybar to anticipate possible DUI violations.
一天深夜，一名警察去一个经常有人闹事的酒吧门口巡逻，为了避免有酒后驾车的情况发生。
At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of thebar, trip on the curb, and try his keys in five different cars before he found his.
酒吧打烊了，他看见一个家伙跌跌撞撞的跑出来，一下摔在路边，随后又用钥匙试着开了五辆车的门才找到他自己的车。
Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
坐进车里，好几分钟他又都是在摸着那些钥匙。
Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away.
这时人们都从酒吧出来并且开车走了。最后他也发动了车子准备开走，
The police officer was waiting for him and turned on his light and pulled the driver over, readhim his rights and administered the breathalyzer test.
警察已经等这个机会很久了，他打开灯，把司机从车里拉出来，给他宣读了他所享有的法定权利，然后作了酒精的测试。
The test results showed a reading of 0.00.
测试的结果是零，
The puzzled officer demanded to know how could that be.
于是困惑的警察问他是为什么，
The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy!"
司机说：“今晚他们派我当诱饵。”
英语爆笑笑话篇七离事故有多远?
A carpenter was giving evidence about an accidenthe had witnessed.
一位木匠正在为他目击的一起事故作证。
The judge asked him how far away he was from theaccident.
法官问他当时离事发现场有多远。
The carpenter replied "twenty seven feet, six-and-one-half- inches".
木匠回答，“27英尺，6.5英寸”。
"What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the judge.
法官问：“什么?你怎么能这样确定?”
"Well, I knew some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter.
木匠回答，“是啊，我知道一定会有傻瓜问我这个问题，所以我事先测量了一下。”
英语爆笑笑话篇八Do you pay taxes?
你纳税了吗?
A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing withthe IRS Tax auditorwho had come to review hisrecords.
一个神色紧张的纳税人正闷闷不乐地和前来查帐的国税局的税务审计员交谈。
At one point the auditor exclaimed,"Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilegeto be allowed tolive and work in the USA.
审计员一度大声地说，“Carelton先生，我们认为能在美国生活和工作是莫大的荣幸，
As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes,and we expect you to eagerly pay them with asmile"
而作为一个美国公民，您也有纳税的义务。我们希望您能无比乐意地带着微笑来纳税。”
"Thank goodness"returned Mr. Carelton, with a giant grin on his face,"I thought you were goingto want me to pay with cash."
“谢天谢地”，Carelton先生咧着嘴大笑地回答，“我还以为你们是要我带着钱来交税呢!”
英语爆笑笑话篇九Car accident
交通事故
A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stopsign his car broadside, and knocked him cold.
有个人开车行驶在上班的路上，一辆卡车闯红灯从侧面撞上了他的车，当时他就不省人事了。
Passerbys pulled him from the wreck and revivedhim.
路旁的行人把他从车里拉出来并唤醒他。
He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics.
刚一醒过来，他就拼命的挣扎着，最后不得不用了药物才让他镇静下来。
Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so.
过了一会儿，他平静了，别人问他为什么要这么恐怖的挣扎，
He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing.
他说：“被撞之后我就什么都不知道了，
I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing 'Shell' sign. And somebody wasstanding in front of the 'S.'
当我醒过来，我发现我躺在了路边，前面是一个巨大的广告牌上面闪烁着‘壳牌’，但是有个人挡住了那个s。”
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