倾听内心世界 这不是你想要的生活

It was Abraham Maslow who introduced the need to be “self actualized,” and what he identified is that people have an inherent need to realize their potential. It’s part of our very fabric — when the challenges we face seem to fit perfectly with our strengths, we feel fully engaged, absorbed in the task. It’s when we don’t question ourselves, and what we are doing has purpose and meaning larger than ourselves. And, it’s when we feel most alive, most fulfilled, and probably, most happy.

And yet, so many of us go about our daily lives, and never seem to be able to fully answer the question: Is this really the life I’m meant to live?

So, to help answer the question, here are six signs that the life you are living is not meant for you.

You Numb Your Feelings. Drinking too much, working excessively, shopping excessively, overeating, gambling, and yes, too much time on the internet, are all ways we can numb our feelings. And the reason we do is that we are trying to feel something other than what we are feeling in the moment. Because what we are feeling is discomfort, dissatisfaction, a feeling of unrest. And it’s a sign — a sign that something is not right. The need to distract from the discomfort, however, is a way to avoid facing it, and facing the reality that this is not how you want to be feeling, and this is not the life you want to be living.

The Fix: Stop numbing and start listening. Listen to what is really under the surface. Is it a longing for connection? Is it a need to feel that your work matters? Is it the desire to make a difference? Is it the desire to create something? To feel more challenged? Whatever the feeling is, listen to it until it’s crystal clear. Once you know exactly the way you want to feel, you can begin scripting the life that will get you there.

You Envy Others Success. While from the outside looking in, everybody seems to have it better than us. More money, a bigger house, better, more exotic, travel, and of course, the envy of everyone else. Yet if you find yourself envying others success — wishing it were you — it’s because what their success represents, is what you want. And what you don’t want is what you have. Instead, you would rather have what someone else has, because to you, it looks better. And feeling as though other people’s lives look better than yours is a sign — a sign that you are not satisfied with your life. You feel as though you could be, or should be, doing more. Somehow what you are doing is just not good enough.

The Fix: Stop Looking Out and Start Looking In. Instead of looking at everyone else’s life as the example of how to live, look at your life and ask yourself: Why is this not enough? What about my life is not good enough? What parts of my life are unacceptable to me? And when you ask these questions, make sure the answers come from you, and that you — and you alone — are determining what is good enough for you.

You Constantly Seek Validation. While we all appreciate praise, and certainly there is nothing wrong with receiving it, praise is not permission. Yet when you who seek validation frequently, praise becomes the barometer from which you determine what is right and wrong. If my friends like this post, action, relationship, etc, then it must be good, and therefore I will go forward with it. And again, this is a sign — a sign that you have doubt. And it’s your doubt that you want others’ validation to make up for. But your doubt, your feeling that maybe this is not good, right, smart, whatever, should be a signal to you that maybe this is not what you are meant to be doing. Because when you are doing what you are meant to — when you have a calling — you don’t doubt yourself, and you don’t need others to validate it.

The Fix: Ask yourself: When do I feel most confident? When do I feel like I know exactly what I’m doing? Ask these questions and clarify the answers until they are as specific as possible, and you can describe exactly what you are doing when you longer need others’ approval.

You Feel Empty. We can all feel alone, isolated, and empty from time to time, but if you find yourself with a chronic feeling of emptiness, again, it’s a sign that something is not right. Often what is missing is a feeling of purpose, because emptiness is what happens when the life you are living lacks meaning to you. It’s when you feel as though nothing you do really makes a difference. And on a deeper level, it’s when you feel as though you do not matter. Yet, when you are doing what you are meant to do, you feel compelled to do it, because you know it makes a difference.

The Fix: Ask yourself: When do I feel as though what I am doing matters? When do I feel like I am making a difference? Again, be as specific as possible. Try to narrow down the answer until it is a specific activity that you can clearly describe. Once you have an idea of when you feel as if you — and what you are doing — matter, you are already one step closer to feeling fulfilled.

You Are Easily Frustrated. Frustration is a like a flashing red light. It is a warning signal, and it often precedes an impulsive act — like bursting out in anger. Yet frustration is there for a reason, and still many of us don’t heed it’s warnings. Because the chronic dissatisfaction — the feeling that things are not the way they are supposed to be — is a sign that maybe this isn’t the life for you. Perhaps someone else could be in your shoes and not be frustrated, but this is you, and your frustration should tell you that this isn’t right for you.

The Fix. Ask Yourself: What bothers me the most about my life? What is the one thing that I most want to change about my life? When you answer these questions, what you will uncover is that some part of your life doesn’t fit with your values. And you will have also identified one or more of your values — which means you can begin to create the life that exemplifies them.

Your Life Lacks Direction. Sure, many of us have been approached by someone with a great business idea, an exciting proposition, or a great moneymaker. And certainly, these things can look attractive. But jumping off your your own ship onto someone else’s is a sure sign what you are looking for is not in your possession. Because if you don’t believe in what you are doing — and you don’t feel as if it is uniquely suited to you — you will be very ready to trade it in for something else. The problem, however, is that you will always be trading in. Because what you are looking for does not exist outside of you. Instead, the life that you are meant to be living is dependent on internal qualities — your unique strengths — and once you find it, you wont want to give it up. But finding yourself easily talked into changing course is a sign that you have not found your own.

The Fix: Ask Yourself: What am I doing when I don’t want to stop? What is it that I have to pull myself away from? What am I doing when I feel most involved — almost absorbed in the activity? What the answers will reveal is what brings you the greatest feeling of engagement. And the feeling of engagement is a sign that what you are doing is what you are meant to do.

There is a life out there that is meant for you. We all have the need to realize our potential. And we all have the right to. And hopefully, if you feel as though you are not living the life you are meant to, you will go after the one you are meant to be living.马斯洛引入了 人类对“自知”的需要，并且他把之定义为人们内在的本能促使他们发挥自己的潜能。这是我们身体结构的一部分 –当我们所面临的挑战与我们的优势似乎完美贴合时，我们感到充分参与到任务当中。这时我们不怀疑自己，我们正在做的事情的目的和意义大于自己本身。而且，这是我们感到最有活力，最满足，而且很可能是最幸福的时刻。

然而，我们每天都在过火，但似乎从来没有能够确切回答这个问题：这真的是我们想过的生活？

因此，为了帮助回答这个问题，这里有六个迹象表明你过的生活不是你想要过的。

你麻木了，没有任何感觉。饮酒过多，工作过度，在互联网上购物过度，暴饮暴食，赌博，大把的时间泡在网上，都是麻痹自我的方式。而我们这样做的原因是，我们想体验不同于当下的感受。因为在当下我们感到不适，不满，不安。这是一个信号 –某个地方出了差错。从当下不舒适的状态下抽离是一种避免面对它的办法，面对现实——这不是你想要的感觉，这不是你想过的生活。

解决方法：停止麻木，开始倾听。倾听隐藏在表面之下的声音。它是渴望情感维系？还是感觉你的工作重要的需求？它是有所作为的愿望？它是创造东西的欲望？更想挑战？不管是什么感觉，倾听，直到它逐渐清晰。一旦你确切地知道你的感受，就可以开始编写你想爱你更要过的人生剧本。

你羡慕别人的成功。环顾四周，大家似乎过得都比我好。更多的钱，更大的房子，更好更奇特的旅行，因此羡慕其他人。然而，如果你发现自己羡慕别人的成功 - 希望这是你的生活 - 那是因为他们的成功代是你想要的。而你不想要的是自己已经拥有的。相反，你宁愿别人拥有的，因为对于你来说，它看起来更好。而且感觉好像其他人的生活看起来比你的好是一个信号- 你不满意你现有生活的信号。你觉得你可以或者是应该的做得更好。不知怎的，你再做什么还是不够。

解决方法：停止寻找，并开始展望。不要参照别人的生活寻找自己如何生活得方法，想想你的生活，问自己：为什么这还不够？那我的生活是不是不够好？哪些部分是我不能接受的？而当你问这些问题，确保答案来自你，只能是你自己 – 再确定什么对你比较好。

你不断地寻求肯定。虽然我们都很欣赏赞美，接受它肯定没有错，赞美是不用许可的。然而，当你过于频繁地寻求验证，赞誉成为你从中确定对与错的标准。如果我的朋友喜欢这个岗位，行动，关联等，那么它一定是好的，因此我就勇往直前吧。再次，这是一个信号 - 你有自我怀疑的迹象，因此你想通过别人的肯定来弥补。但你的疑问，你的感觉，也许是不好的，无论是明智的还是正确的，这应该是一个信号，表明你也许没有在过想要的生活。因为当你过上你想要的生活时 - 你不会怀疑自己，你也不需要别人的肯定。

解决方法：问自己：什么时候我觉得最有信心？什么时候我觉得我确切地知道我在做什么？问这些问题，并明确答案，直到他们尽可能具体，你可以确切地描述你在做什么，当你不再需要别人的认可。

你觉得空虚。我们时不时的赶到自己寂寞，孤独，空虚，这无可厚非，，但如果你发现自己空虚是一种慢性感觉，那么，这又是一个信号。往往缺少一个生活目标，因为空虚是当你觉得生活缺乏意义。当你觉得好像做什么都没差。而在更深的层次上，当你觉得无所谓了。然而，当你做你想要做的事情，你觉得有必要做的事情时，你知道它有差。

解决方法：问自己：什么时候觉得做得事情有意义？什么时候觉得自己在做着改变？再次，要尽可能具体。尽量缩小答案直到你可以清楚地描述一个特定的活动。一旦你觉得你在做的事有意义，你离成功又进了一步。

你很容易沮丧。挫折就像一个闪烁的红灯。这是一个警告信号，它往往预示着一种冲动行为 - 就像发泄愤怒。然而你的沮丧是有原因的，而且仍然有很多人都不理会它的警告。由于长期不满 – 觉得事情没有找预期发展 – 这是一个信号，也许这并不是你想过的生活。也许别人在你的情况下并没有感到沮丧，但这是你的生活，你的沮丧告诉你，这种生活不适合你。

解决方法，问自己：生活中什么最困扰我？什么是我最想改变的一件事？当你回答这些问题，你会发现是你生活中的某些元素不符合你的价值观。你也确定了你价值观中的一个或多个 - 这意味着你可以开始创造充分体现这些价值观的的生活了。

你的生活没啥方向。当然了，我们中的很多人遇到过一个有宏大的企业经营理念，一个激动人心的命题，或者一个巨大的商机的人。当然，这些东西可能看起来非常有吸引力。但是舍弃你自己的生活之船转而跳上别人的是一个明确的信号，你正在寻找的生活不是当下你正在过得。因为如果你不相信你正在做的事，并且你不觉得它是唯一适合你的 – 那么你就会很愿意拿它换取别的东西。但问题是，你将永远处于这样的交换之中，因为你寻求的不存在于外部。相反，您想要的生活的依赖于内部品质 - 您的独特优势 - 一旦你找到它，你不会想要放弃。但发现自己很容易陷入不断变化的情况是你还没有过上想要生活的信号。

解决方法：问自己：我在做什么时，我不想停下来？它是什么让我必须从自己的生活中抽离？当我感觉到参与度最高，几乎忘我投入时我在做什么？答案会告诉你什么会给你带来最大的参与度。参与其中表明你正在做的就是你想要做的。

总有一种生活适合你。我们都需要实现我们的潜能。大家都有权利这样做。衷心地希望，当你觉得当下的生活不值得过时，你会去追寻你想要的生活。