让你初次约会取得完胜的十大关键(下)

k Your Baggage at the Door

5.出门前整理好你的思绪

A first date is a time for starting anew. That means that you should check your baggage at the door and avoid talking about your past relationships. Everyone has a past that is filled with regret, heartache, anger, and plenty of "what-ifs". However, there is a reason that you are on a date with someone new, and unless you want to repeat your old patterns, you need to start with a clean slate.

第一次约会是一个全新的开始。那意味着你应该在家里就理清头绪，避免谈论你过去的恋爱经历。每一个人都有着遗憾、心痛、愤怒以及大量"假设"的过去。然而，总有一个原因让你愿意和某个人开始约会，除非你想重复过去，否则你就需要从一张白纸开始。

Don't go into your date harboring assumptions based on past relationships. In your past, you may have dated needy people, or controlling people, or people who refuse to grow up, or people who run from commitment. It's important to understand that these characteristics are not indicative of the opposite sex as a whole. If you are harboring any pre-conceived notions of the opposite sex then try your best to let them go. Greet the person sitting across from you at your first date with open eyes, open ears and an open heart. Don't let your pre-conceived notions sabotage what could potentially be a great relationship. Most importantly, when on a first date, do not spend time talking about your ex. We repeat: do not talk about your ex. There is no quicker way to derail a date than by talking about your past relationships. Particularly if you are still hung up on certain aspects of that relationship, you will begin over-sharing before you know it. Your date may begin to see you as bitter and filled with resentment, neither of which are endearing qualities in a person. Worse yet, your date may believe that you are still in love with your ex and be left wondering why you came on a date with them in the first place.

不要因为你曾经失败的恋情而对新的恋情产生怀疑并提出诸多假设。曾经的你，也许和贫困的人、控制欲强的人、拒绝长大的人或者是逃避承诺的人约会过。重要的是你要知道，那些性格特点并不能代表所有的异性。如果因过去的恋情而在内心对新人有诸多想法，劝你还是尽早摆脱这些不靠谱的预想。初次约会，敞开心扉，与对方真诚交流。不要让你预想的假设破坏了一段有可能开花结果的恋情。最重要的一点，切记首次约会不要花时间谈论你的前任。没有一种方式能比谈论你的前任更快地毁掉一次约会的了。特别是那段恋爱中的某些星星点点仍让你留恋，你将会在你意识到之前，就开始过度地分享那些过去。你的约会对象也许会看出你那充满苦涩与怨恨的表情，这些特质也不会得到他们的青睐。更糟的是，你的约会对象还可能会相信你仍爱着你的前任，开始不解你为何与他们拥有第一次约会。

the Future Talk for the Future

4.未来的事情未来再谈

While we don't condone reliving you past on a first date, we also strongly advise against planning for your future! Dates should be light and fun, and a first date is definitely not the time to start talking about your future together. Even if deep down both of you actually want the same thing out of a relationship, by stating those intentions too early you will only scare the other person off. It's great if you want to find a soulmate, but don't assume that the person sitting next to you is necessarily him or her just because you happen to have the same taste in music or like the same movies. You need to spend time getting to know each other to understand if you're well-suited to build a life together, and that doesn't magically happen overnight. Take the time to get to know each other slowly, and save the serious stuff for later dates.

如果你第一次约会还在重温过去，这是无法原谅的。小编同样也强烈建议不要在第一次约会时就大谈未来的规划。约会应该是轻松愉悦的，第一次约会就开始畅想你们的未来绝对不合时宜。即使在恋爱以外，你们内心深处渴望的东西非常契合，但是过早表露意图只会吓跑对方。想找到一位灵魂伴侣确实是很棒的想法，但是不要仅仅因为你们恰好在音乐或者电影上志趣相投，就以为坐在你旁边的人一定会成为未来的那个他/她。你需要花点时间了解对方，看看对方是否是适合共度一生的另一半，这个过程不可能在一个约会的夜晚就奇迹般完成。所以慢慢地深入了解彼此，那些严肃的事情就留到日后的约会中讨论吧。

It's perfectly fine to know that you want to have a large family someday, but don't ask your first date how many children they want to have. As the old saying goes, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." Speaking of chickens, ladies, don't ever mention your eggs on a first date. The absolute quickest way to scare off a man on a first date is by telling him that your biological clock is ticking or that your eggs aren't getting any younger. Please, leave the baby talk out of the conversation. On your first date, do your best to stay present in the moment and focus on the now. If there is a mutual connection between the two of you, then your relationship will progress naturally and you'll know when the right time is to discuss your possible future together. Trust us, the first date is too early to have this discussion.

当然，你日后想组建一个大家庭的想法，这完全ok。但是不要在第一次约会就打听对方想要几个孩子。古谚有云，"鸡蛋未孵出，先别数小鸡"（别高兴太早了）。说到小鸡，女士们，千万不要在第一次约会就提到卵子。在第一次约会就吓跑男人的最快的方法绝对是告诉他，你的生物钟正滴答滴答地走过或者你的卵子已经不再年轻。拜托，先别讨论宝宝的事情了。第一次约会尽量活在当下、着眼于现在吧！如果你们双方已经来电，那你们的关系就会自然地进展、升华，你也会知道何时讨论你们的未来是最合适的。相信小编，第一次约会就谈论这个话题，为时过早。

your Vices (and Devices)

3.藏起你的坏习惯

There are certain things that you should avoid on a first date. First off, avoid drinking too much. If you have a penchant for tequila, avoid the margaritas before you end up tossing back too many. Stick to one or two drinks for the night, because nobody wants to be on a date with a sloppy drunk. A couple of drinks to help you to relax and socialize is okay, but don't drink so much that your inhibitions are lowered.

第一次约会时有些事情应该要避免。首先，不要过度饮酒。如果你爱喝龙舌兰，那就不要喝玛格丽塔鸡尾酒，不然你最后会醉到摇摇晃晃、步履蹒跚。一个晚上应只喝一种或者两种酒，因为没人想和一个衣衫不整的醉汉约会。少许饮酒可以帮助你身心放松、善于社交，但是饮酒量不可以大到突破你的下限。

If smoking is a vice, try to curb the habit for the duration of the date. If you must smoke, go to a far-away outdoor location so that you don't make your date uncomfortable, and be sure to have gum or mints on hand. If your vice is constantly checking your e-mail or social media accounts, then be sure to leave your phone in the car. It is extremely rude to be constantly checking your phone on a first date. It makes you distracted and leaves your date feeling unimportant. Even if you're just trying to text your friend to tell them how well the date is going, save it for when you get home. While on a date, you should focus all of your attention on your companion. Keep your phone in your purse or in your pocket, and if the temptation is still too much, keep it at home or in the car.

如果抽烟也是一种坏习惯，努力在约会的时候克制自己。必须抽的话，可以去较远的户外，这样你才不会使约会对象感到不舒服。并且务必随身携带口香糖或薄荷。如果你的坏毛病是不断查邮箱或者刷微博微信什么的，务必将手机留在车里。第一次约会就不断刷手机是极度不礼貌的行为。因为你会分心，约会对象会觉得自己没有受到重视。即使其实你只是想发短信给朋友告诉他们约会一切顺利，也留到回家以后再汇报吧！在约会的时候，你应该将注意力集中在约会对象身上。将手机留在钱包或者口袋里，刷手机的欲望太强的话，就留家里或者车里吧。

Your Best Self

2.做最好的自己

The most important tip for any first date is to be yourself. Authenticity is the most important thing you can offer if you want to truly allow someone to get to know you. How else will you know if you are a good match with someone unless you are truthful and genuine about who you are?

初次约会，最重要的莫过于做好自己，因为让别人了解你的最佳方式就是展现你的真诚。想知道你跟对方是否郎才女貌，除却展现真诚与坦率该是别无他法了吧？

While it's important to be yourself on a first date, you should strive to be the best version of yourself. Humans are complex and we experience many different emotions at the same time. It's up to you on a first date to put your best foot forward and let your positive emotions shine through. Dates are meant to be fun, spontaneous and playful. They are not meant to be filled with drama and complaints, so regardless of how bad your day or week has been, don't let it show. Don't arrive at a date worried, tired, serious, sad or apathetic. Instead, find your inner happiness and peacefulness and exude confidence. Be your most charming self, and your date will look forward to spending more time with you.

第一次约会相当重要，你更应该努力呈现自己最好的一面。人类思想复杂，在同一时间，我们的情绪可能就有明显的波动。用积极乐观的情绪去营造一个良好的氛围，让初次约会成为一段美好感情的开端。约会应该在愉快、自然而轻松的氛围中度过，而不是充满曲折和抱怨的过程，所以无论你在那一天或那一周里过得有多么糟糕，千万别把情绪带到约会中去。去约会吧，将忧虑、疲惫、悲伤、冷漠和一脸的严肃屏蔽掉，寻觅你内心的幸福与安宁，捎带上满脸的自信。如果你成功呈现了最迷人的自己，你的约会对象自然会期盼与你共度更多美好的时光。

Concrete Plans for a Second Date

1.认真筹划再次约会

Assuming you've followed the tips laid out above and have enjoyed each other's time together, then you will likely be on track to set up a second date. Don't let an innate fear of rejection stop you from asking for a second date. Don't beat around the bush and try to fish out a response before you actually ask the question. Dropping subtle hints is the least effective way to show someone that you like them. This isn't the fifth grade anymore, and playing hard to get is no longer cute. When asking for a second date, be direct. People have been shown to be more responsive to direct questions, so instead of making tentative plans, say something like, "I've had a really great time with you. Can I take you out again on Friday?" This directness works equally well for women as it does for men, as you can read about in this study at ScienceDirect.

如果你遵循了前面的指南，两个人也享受彼此在一起的时光，那么你该为再次约会做好计划了。你可千万别让担心被拒绝的恐惧成为你提出第二次约会邀请的阻碍，而且不要拐弯抹角，也别试图去猜测她对邀请可能做出的回应。你可不是五年级学生，再没有比微妙的暗示更糟糕的表白了，欲擒故纵的方式从来都不可爱，尝试直截了当地邀请她再次约会吧。《Science Direct》的研究表明无论男女都更愿意回应直截了当的问题而不是试探性的计划。你应该这么跟她说：春风十里不如她，周五我们再約吗？

审校：晃晃 编辑：旭旭 来源：前十网