夫妻之间谁更容易婚外情?大纲

Some 60 years ago, Alfred Kinsey delivered a shock to midcentury sexual sensibilities when he reported that at some point in their marriages, half of the men and a quarter of the women in the U.S. had an extramarital affair. No one puts much stock in Dr. Kinsey's high numbers any more - his sampling methods suffered from a raging case of selection bias - but his results fit the long-standing assumption that men are much more likely to cheat than women.

大约60年前，金赛(Alfred Kinsey)的研究为二十世纪中叶人们对性问题的感知带来震撼，当时他在研究报告中称，在婚姻的某一阶段，美国半数的男性和四分之一的女性都会发生婚外情。如今人们对金赛得出的高出轨率已经不是非常重视了（他的取样方法存在严重的选择偏差），但他的结果符合人们长期以来的假设，即男性欺骗伴侣的可能性要比女性大得多。

Lately, however, researchers have been raising doubts about this view: They believe that the incidence of unfaithfulness among wives may be approaching that of husbands. The lasting costs of these betrayals will be familiar to the many Americans who have experienced divorce as spouses or children.

但研究者近期对这种观点提出了质疑：他们认为，妻子的不忠行为发生几率可能与丈夫接近。这些背叛行为的长期代价为许多与配偶离过婚或经历过父母离婚的美国人所熟知。

Among the most reliable studies on this issue is the General Social Survey, sponsored by the National Science Foundation, which has been asking Americans the same questions since 1972. In the 2010 survey, 19% of men said that they had been unfaithful at some point during their marriages, down from 21% in 1991. Women who reported having an affair increased from 11% in 1991 to 14% in 2010.

有关该问题的最可靠研究之一当属“综合社会调查”(General Social Survey)，这项研究由美国国家科学基金会(National Science Foundation)资助，从1972年开始向美国人询问同一批问题。在2010年的调查中，19%的男性表示，他们在婚姻的某个阶段曾有不忠行为，这一比例低于1991年的21%。而自述存在婚外情的女性比例由1991年的11%升至2010年的14%。

A 2011 study conducted by Indiana University, the Kinsey Institute and the University of Guelph found much less of a divide: 23% for men and 19% for women. Such numbers suggest the disappearance of the infidelity gender gap, but some caution is in order.

印第安纳大学(Indiana University)、金赛研究所(Kinsey Institute)和圭尔夫大学(University of Guelph) 2011年一项研究发现的性别差距要小得多：男性为23%，女性为19%。上述数据暗示，两性之间在不忠行为上的差异趋于消失，但我们应该审慎地看待该数据。

An enduring problem for researchers - even those who sample with meticulous care - is that any such survey is asking for confessions from people who are presumably lying to their spouses. Researchers generally believe that actual infidelity numbers are higher than the results indicate.

研究者──即便是那些取样时小心谨慎的研究者──一直面临的问题是，任何此类调查都要求那些很可能对伴侣撒了谎的人坦白自己的越轨行为。研究者一般认为，不忠行为的实际数字要比调查结果所显示的高。

It should also be emphasized that cheating in the U.S. isn't epidemic or inevitable, for either sex. Surveys consistently find that by far the majority of respondents value monogamy and think that infidelity is harmful. And if you believe the General Social Survey's finding that 14% of women are cheating, keep in mind that 86% aren't.

但也应该强调，在美国，无论对男性还是女性来说，欺骗都既非普遍行为，也非不可避免。多次调查均一致显示，到目前为止，多数受访者都珍视一夫一妻制，并认为不忠行为是有害的。假如你相信“综合社会调查”结果是真实的，即14%的女性有欺骗行为，那么同时也请记住86%的女性并没有欺骗伴侣。

Still, even though survey accuracy is difficult to achieve and experts are by no means unanimous, it would appear that women are, indeed, catching up. In my own work as a psychologist and in my social circle, I see more women not only having affairs but actively seeking them out. Their reasons are familiar: validation of their attractiveness, emotional connection, appreciation, ego - not to mention the thrill of a shiny new relationship, unburdened by the long slog through the realities of coupledom.

不过，虽说调查很难做到精确无误，专家们的意见也不尽一致，但女性不忠行为的比例似乎确实在追赶男性。从我作为心理学家的工作经历和我的社交圈来看，我发现有更多女性不仅有婚外情，而且在积极寻找婚外情。她们的理由听起来很耳熟：证明她们的吸引力、情感联系、欣赏、自我──更不用说对一种全新关系的渴望了（这种关系不受婚姻中的长期重压羁绊）。

Researchers also point to other factors that might be leading women to stray more. One is what might be called 'infidelity overload.' Scan the plots on any given week in television, and there seems to be more extramarital sex than marital sex. (Few spouses stay put in 'Mad Men.') With women portrayed as eager participants and aggressive instigators, there may be a feeling that infidelity has become more acceptable.

研究者还指出了可能导致女性外遇增加的其他因素。其中之一也许可以称为“不忠主题泛滥”。不论哪一周的电视节目，情节中出现较多的似乎都是婚外情，而婚内情则出现得比较少。（电视剧“广告狂人”(Mad Men)中的夫妻几乎没有不出轨的）女性被描述为热心的参与者和积极的发起者，人们可能会感觉社会对不忠行为的接受程度增加了。

And then there is the opportunity factor - more travel, more late nights on the job and more interaction with men mean that the chances and temptations to stray have multiplied for the new generation of working women.

另外还存在一个机会因素──对新一代职业女性来说，更多的旅行，更多时候要工作到深夜以及与男性交往增加意味着外遇的机会和诱惑成倍上升。

A 2011 study at Tilburg University in the Netherlands, published in the journal Psychological Science, argues that infidelity is also a function of greater economic and social power, which creates confidence and personal leverage for both genders. Women can now use their power in ways to which men have long been accustomed.

荷兰蒂尔堡大学(Tilburg University) 2011年展开的一项研究称，不忠行为也能作为一种较大的经济和社会力量，为男性和女性带来信心和个人优势。女性现在能够以男性早已习惯的方式运用她们的力量。此项研究论文刊登在《心理科学》(Psychological Science)期刊上。

A broader cultural shift may also be at work. According to a study conducted earlier this year by the biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, women are becoming less traditional about relationships. Men, interestingly, may be going the other direction. In the survey, 77% of women in a committed relationship said they needed personal space, as opposed to 58% of men. While 35% of women wanted regular nights out with friends, only 23% of men said the same.

此外，更广泛的文化变迁可能也是一大影响因素。生物人类学家费舍尔(Helen Fisher)今年早些时候为交友网站进行了一项研究，研究显示，女性对待两性关系的态度变得越来越非传统。有意思的是，男性可能正走向相反方向。在调查中，有77%的处于承诺性关系中的女性表示她们需要个人空间，而男性的比例为58%。35%的女性希望晚上经常外出与朋友会面，但仅有23%的男性持同样看法。

Social networks are another factor, if only by expanding the pool of possible partners. Emotional friendships that turn physical are the traditional point of entry for female affairs. It is now easy for those friendships to take root online. Some argue that social networks are merely an expediter and that cheaters will always find a way. Still, if you've never quite gotten over your prom date, today the chances are much better that you can find him.

另一大因素当属社交网络，哪怕社交网络只是起到拓宽伴侣人选范围的作用。从传统上来看，精神层面的友谊变为肉体出轨是触发女性婚外情的导火索。现在很容易从网上开始发展这种友谊。一些人认为社交网络不过是助推器而已，即使没有社交网络，出轨者也总能找到办法。不过，如果你一直不曾忘怀毕业舞会的舞伴，如今找到他的几率可要比从前大得多了。

Do women account for more of today's affairs? Probably. But in a society that has been preaching, legislating and celebrating gender equality for decades, equality in marital misdeeds might be expected too.

如今女性在婚外情中所占比例是不是更大？很可能如此。但近几十年来，我们的社会一直在宣扬和赞美性别平等，并进行相关立法，也许我们也应该对婚姻越轨中的性别平等有所预料。

(Dr. Drexler is an assistant professor of psychology in psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College and author, most recently, of 'Our Fathers, Ourselves: Daughters, Fathers and the Changing American Family.')

（Drexler博士是纽约威尔康奈尔医学院(Weill Cornell Medical College)的精神病心理学助理教授，她的最新著作是《我们的父亲，我们自己：女儿、父亲和不断变化的美国家庭》(Our Fathers, Ourselves: Daughters, Fathers and the Changing American Family)。）