诺贝尔文学经典:《宠儿》第3章Part 2

"Where your diamonds?" Beloved searched Sethe's face.
"Diamonds? What would I be doing with diamonds?"
"On your ears."
"Wish I did. I had some crystal once. A present from a lady I worked for."
"Tell me," said Beloved, smiling a wide happy smile. "Tell me your diamonds."
It became a way to feed her. Just as Denver discovered and relied on the delightful effect sweetthings had on Beloved, Sethe learned the profound satisfaction Beloved got from storytelling. Itamazed Sethe (as much as it pleased Beloved) because every mention of her past life hurt.
Everything in it was painful or lost. She and Baby Suggs had agreed without saying so that it wasunspeakable; to Denver's inquiries Sethe gave short replies or rambling incomplete reveries. Evenwith Paul D, who had shared some of it and to whom she could talk with at least a measure ofcalm, the hurt was always there-like a tender place in the corner of her mouth that the bit left.
But,as she began telling about the earrings, she found herself wanting to, liking it. Perhaps it wasBeloved's distance from the events itself, or her thirst for hearing it — in any case it was anunexpected pleasure.
Above the patter of the pea sorting and the sharp odor of cooking rutabaga, Sethe explained thecrystal that once hung from her ears.
"That lady I worked for in Kentucky gave them to me when Igot married. What they called married hack there and back then. I guess she saw how bad I feltwhen I found out there wasn't going to be no ceremony, no preacher. Nothing. I thought thereshould be something — something to say it was right and true. I didn't want it to be just memoving over a bit of pallet full of corn husks. Or just me bringing my night bucket into his cabin. I thought there should be some ceremony. Dancing maybe. A little sweet william in my hair." Sethesmiled. "I never saw a wedding, but I saw Mrs. Garner's wedding gown in the press, and heard hergo on about what it was like. Two pounds of currants in the cake, she said, and four whole sheep.
The people were still eating the next day. That's what I wanted. A meal maybe, where me andHalle and all the Sweet Home men sat down and ate something special. Invite some of the othercolored people from over by Covington or High Trees — those places Sixo used to sneak off to.
But it wasn't going to be nothing. They said it was all right for us to be husband and wife and thatwas it. All of it.

"你的钻石呢？"宠儿打量着塞丝的脸。
"钻石？我要钻石干什么？"
"戴耳朵上。"
"但愿我有。我有过一副水晶的。我服侍过的一个太太送的礼物。"
"给我讲讲，"宠儿高兴得咧开嘴笑了，"给我讲讲你的钻石。"
这成为又一种喂养她的东西。正当丹芙发现了甜食对宠儿的可喜效果并大加利用时，塞丝认识到，宠儿从故事中能得到深深的满足。塞丝感到震惊（正如宠儿感到满足一样），因为一提起她的过去就会唤起痛苦。
过去的一切都是痛苦，或者遗忘。她和贝比·萨格斯心照不宣地认为它苦不堪言；丹芙打听的时候，塞丝总是简短地答复她，要么就瞎编一通。就是同保罗·D——一个部分地分担过的人，一个她至少能较为平静地与之交谈的人——在一起时，伤痛也依然存在——好似马嚼子拿走时留在嘴角的痛处。
但是，当她开始讲述耳环的时候，她发现自己想讲，爱讲。也许是因为宠儿同事件本身的距离，也许是因为她急于聆听的焦渴——无论如何，这是个始料未及的乐趣。
在剥豌豆的嘎巴声和炖卷心菜扑鼻的香气里，塞丝讲起曾经挂在她耳朵上的那副水晶耳环。
"我在肯塔基伺候的太太在我结婚时给我的。那个时候、那个地方所谓的结婚。我猜想她看出来了，我发现不会有结婚仪式和牧师时有多难受。什么都没有。我想总该有点什么——说明它是对的，是真的。我不愿意只是从一个装满玉米皮的草荐爬上另一个。也不愿意只是把我的尿桶带进他的小屋。我想应该有个仪式。可能跳跳舞。头发里插一点石竹花。"塞丝笑了，"我从来没见过一次婚礼，可我在衣橱里看见过加纳太太的结婚礼服，也听她讲过婚礼是什么样的。蛋糕里放了两磅葡萄干，她说，还做了四只全羊。
直到第二天大家还在吃。那就是我想要的。也许吃顿饭，我和黑尔，还有所有-甜蜜之家-的男人们，坐下来吃点特别的东西。请卡温顿庄园或者高树庄园的另外一些黑人过来——那是些西克索偷偷去过的地方。
可是什么也不会有。他们说我们可以做夫妻，就完事了。仅此而已。