美满婚姻的秘诀：绝不宽恕对方的过错

It is meant to be the cornerstone of any strong relationship。

But new research shows that forgiveness is more likely to tear a marriage apart than keep it together。

Those not so easily forgiven were less likely to repeat their behavior, due to a loved one's criticism and the feelings of guilt and loneliness they experienced。

The findings, published in the Journal of Family Psychology, showed partners who got away with being moody, abusive or sarcastic to their spouses were much more likely to do it again。

Those that were rebuked or shunned were more inclined to curb their bad habits。

The research, by psychologists at the University of Tennessee, calls into question the long-held belief that forgiving a partner's minor transgressions is one of the building blocks of a solid relationship。

Dr James McNulty, from the university's department of psychology, recruited 135 newly-wed couples and asked each partner to keep a daily diary for one week。

In it, they recorded every time their new husband or wife engaged in "negative" behavior. This ranged from arguing and snapping to nagging and being moody。

They also had to record whether they forgave the transgressions, or instead strongly criticized their partner for their behavior。

Finally, each participant had to document whether, having been forgiven, their spouse continued to behave in a similar fashion the next day。

The results showed that forgiveness nearly doubled the chance of a husband or wife doing the same again the next day。

Dr McNulty said: "There is one plausible explanation - forgiveness allows relatively negative partners to continue their negative behaviors, ultimately harming the relationship."宽恕伴侣的过错本应是稳定婚姻关系的支柱，然而新的研究却发现宽恕更有可能导致婚姻破裂。

如果伴侣不轻易原谅，爱人的批评，以及他们内心的的愧疚和孤独，会让过错方重犯错误的几率大大降低。

这项发表在《家庭心理学期刊》的研究发现表明，一方若是情绪不稳定、有虐待倾向或恶语相向而仍被原谅，那么他们再犯的可能性就会增大。

然而若是被反击或排斥，则很有可能收敛自己的行为。

这项由田纳西大学的心理学家们发起的研究质疑了原谅伴侣的小错可以巩固婚姻关系的这一传统观念。

该校心理学系的詹姆士•麦克那提博士征集了135对新婚夫妇志愿者，请夫妇双方都记一周的日记，记录对方的每一次 “负面”行为，如争执、吼叫、唠叨、情绪化等。

日记里也记录是原谅这些小过错，还是强烈谴责对方。

最终，每位参与者必须记录，如果选择原谅，对方次日是否会有所改进。

结果显示如果一方选择原谅，另一方在第二天继续犯错的几率增加了一倍。

麦克那提博士说：“其中一种解释是宽恕会使过错方继续犯错，然后最终破环夫妻关系。”