他是个男人,但却会烧饭,难道他不该感到羞愧吗

I didn't make the decision to raise my daughter in Nepal lightly. But the opportunities it presented far outweighed any challenges I could think of: I could do research for my PhD and spend more time with my daughter, Miriam, and she could have a happier childhood, growing up in a country that loves children and gives them room to actually be children. All that proved to be true: Nepal is a very special place.

慎重考虑之后，我决定在尼泊尔抚养自己的女儿。因为它提供的机会远远大于我能想象得到的挑战：我可以为自己的博士学位进行调研，还能花更多时间和女儿米里亚姆在一起，而她的童年可以更快乐，能够在一个喜爱孩子、让孩子做真正的自己的国家长大。而这一切都被证实了：尼泊尔是一个非常特别的地方。

But as parents, we don't-or can't-always see all the potential consequences of our actions. When our kids are young, we think we know everything about their world, and it's all too easy to forget that they see things differently than we do.

但作为父母，我们无法一直看到所有行动的潜在后果。孩子还小的时候，我们以为自己知晓孩子的一切，但却很容易忘记：他们看事情的角度是和我们不一样的。

For me, the true impact of that big decision only hit me when we were back home, visiting family in Germany three years after we moved. My father had invited us over for dinner. We got there a bit early, so when we arrived, my dad was still busy preparing potato pancakes in the kitchen. It was a nice, uneventful visit. But on the drive back to the hotel where we were staying that night, my six-year-old daughter couldn't stop giggling. When I asked her what was up, she said, "He cooked. He is a man, and he cooked. That is so funny. Isn't he ashamed?"

于我而言，搬家三年后，当我和孩子回德国老家拜访家人时，这一重大决定的影响开始显现了。到老家那天有点早，所以当我们都到的时候，我爸爸还在厨房忙着做土豆煎饼。那是一次美好而平静的拜访。但回到酒店的路上，六岁的女儿却忍不住地咯咯笑了。当我问她怎么了，她说道，"他烧饭哎，他是个男的，但他却烧饭哎。真是太搞笑了，他难道不羞愧吗？"

I probed further and, to my horror, discovered that Miriam also thought women couldn't drive motorbikes, girls had to get married as soon as possible, and men should not have to clean anything. Still in shock, I asked, "Why would you think something like that? Who told you that?" Her answer was simple. "No one told me that," she replied. "That is just how things are in Nepal!" Only then did I realize that growing up in a different culture was affecting her on so many more levels than I had imagined.

我进一步的探索她，但却惊恐的发现，米里亚姆还认为女人不该开摩托车、女孩儿应尽早结婚、男人不用打扫。我十分震惊地问她，"你为什么会这么想呢？谁告诉你的？"她的回答十分简单。"没人告诉我啊，"她回道。"尼泊尔就是这样的！"那个时候我才意识到：在不同的文化环境中成长对她造成了很多深层次的影响，而这是我没有想到的。

Naively, I thought my own influence on my daughter's perceptions would be stronger. I completely underestimated the effects of the broader culture and overestimated her capacity to extrapolate from our personal life. After all, she sees me work and her father cook-in our family, gender roles aren't as rigid.

我天真的认为，我个人会对女儿的认知产生更强的影响，但我完全低估了广泛文化的影响、高估了她从生活中推断的能力。毕竟，她看到我工作，她父亲做饭--我们的家庭并不存在僵硬的性别角色这回事。