自恋者的10个双重标准(下)

6. Entitled but depriving.

6. 渴望被认可又吝于付出

They expect affection and approval, yet give it sparingly. Like a parent who, when his child comes home in tears from a painful relationship breakup, abruptly launches into a rant about the person who cut in front of him at the checkout line.

他们期望被喜爱和认可，然而又对付出有所保留，比如说当他的孩子因为恋爱分手伤心流泪时，便会是这种情形；他们也会在排队结账时，突然对到他面前插队的人怒吼。

Narcissists’ love and affection are conditional, offered up when you are in their favor but vanishing for reasons that may be hard to fathom.

自恋人群者的喜爱是有条件的，当你对他们有利的时候，你会主动给予，但也会因为一些可能难以理解的原因而消失。

7. Combative but defensive.

7. 争强好胜又不服输

Some people with narcissism seem defined by opposition. They pick fights, use sarcasm and personal insults, and always seem to have an enemy. Yet, they can become rapidly incensed if anyone dares to question or challenge them.

一些自恋的人似乎是与敌对者定义在一起的。他们选择打架，嘲讽和人身攻击的行为，看起来总有一个敌人。然而，如果有人胆敢质疑或挑战他们，他们就会迅速被激怒。

8. Righteous but brittle.

8. 生活规整但易失控。

Narcissists need to be right and in the know. They tend to view the world in right-or-wrong, black-and-white terms. They may be obsessed with cleanliness, order, details, rules, or schedules. But if their routine goes off the rails, or if they feel uncertain or humiliated, they may sink into despair or lash out with blame.

自恋者需要规正而洞悉一切的生活。他们倾向以对与错、黑与白的方式来看待世界。他们可能会纠结一整洁有序的细节、规则或日程安排。但如果他们的日常生活偏离了轨道，或者他们感到不确定或屈辱，他们就会陷入绝望或者自责之中。

9. Attention-hungry but stingy in sharing the spotlight.

9. 渴求关注又不分享聚焦的荣耀

Attention is a narcissist’s drug of choice. When others are talking, they may either zone out or become impatient until they can steer the conversation back to themselves. Yet, while narcissists seek to stand out like a 5,000-watt bulb, they begrudge others a chance to shine.

注意力对自恋群体是无可救药的选择。当别人说话的时候，他们可能会不以为意或变得不耐烦，直到他们把谈话引导回自己。然而，尽管自恋者想要脱颖而出，就像一个5000瓦的灯泡一样，他们却嫉妒别人一丝丝的光芒。

If a loved one is in a good mood and a narcissist is not, the narcissist may delight in ruining the other’s mood, almost as though when anything positive happens to someone else, it is the narcissist’s loss.

如果自恋者喜爱的人心情好，而自恋者心情不佳时，他们可能会以破坏他人的情绪为乐，就好像任何好事发生在别人身上时，对自恋者都是损失。

10. Emotionally demanding but clueless.

10. 情绪变化任性却不知错

Narcissists give themselves full permission to rage, sulk, preen, and take up all the emotional air in a room. Like a relative whose antagonistic behavior ruins a family holiday then acts blameless or clueless, narcissists seem unaware of the pain they cause others.

自恋者任由自己愤怒、生气、开心得意，所有人都要以他的情绪为中心。比如，一个情绪愤怒的自恋者亲戚破坏了一个温馨的家庭假日，然后他却表现得无可指责或毫无内疚，似乎没有意识到他们给别人带来的痛苦。

If you tend to expect compassion, reciprocity, and fairness from others, dealing with narcissists can be mystifying.

如果你倾向于期待他人的同情、互惠和公平，那么与自恋者打交道可能会让人感到困惑。

However, when you realize that people with narcissism are endlessly fighting to ward off threats to their shaky self-esteem, their behavior is less puzzling.

然而，当你意识到那些自恋的人不停地在为自己摇摇欲坠的自尊纠结时，他们的行为就不那么令人费解了。

Knowing this can allow you to adjust your expectations and not take their actions so personally.

知道了这些，你就可以调整自己的期望，而不是把他们行为单单理解为个体的行为。