直男们 愿意来一场男男约会吗(下)
Mr Kim, 28, who is now married, was flustered in part because he saw someone he knew at the Italian restaurant.
现年28岁的金目前已经结婚了，他当时之所以有些慌神，部分是因为在那家意大利餐厅里看到了自己认识的一个人。
"I was kind of worried that word might get out," he said.
我有点儿担心消息会传出去，他说。
"This is weird, and now there is a witness maybe."
这很古怪，而且现在可能还有了一个目击者。
Dinner with a friend has not always been so fraught.
和一位朋友共进晚餐并非一直都这么令人担忧。
Before women were considered men's equals, some gender historians say, men routinely confided in and sought advice from one another in ways they did not do with women, even their wives.
一些性别史研究者称，在女人被认为与男人平等以前，男人们常常相互吐露衷肠，并向彼此征询意见，但却不会这样与女人交流，就算是他们的妻子也不行。
Then, these scholars say, two things changed during the last century: an increased public awareness of homosexuality created a stigma around male intimacy, and at the same time women began encroaching on traditionally male spheres, causing men to become more defensive about notions of masculinity.
这些学者说，接着，在上个世纪，有两件事发生了改变：同性恋更多的进入了公共意识，让同性之间的亲密互动被打上了负面烙印；与此同时，女人开始蚕食传统上属于男人的领域，导致男人要更多地去捍卫自己男性气质的表达。
"If men become too close to other men, then they are always vulnerable to this accusation of, 'Oh, you must be gay,"' said Gregory Lehne, a medical psychologist at the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine who has studied gender issues.
如果男人和其他男人太过亲密，那他们常常很容易受到这样的指责：‘哦，你一定是同性恋，’约翰•霍普金斯医学院(Johns Hopkins School of Medicine)研究性别问题的医学心理学家格雷戈里•莱内(Gregory Lehne)说。
At the same time, he added, "When you have women in the same world and seeking equality with men, then all of a sudden issues emerge in the need to maintain the male sex role."
他还表示，同时，在和你身处同一个世界的女人寻求男女平等之际，突然间就出现了需要维护男性性别角色的问题。
And thus a simple meal turns into social Stratego.
就这样，吃一顿意义单纯的饭在社会上变成了容易授人以柄的举动。
Some men avoid dinner altogether unless the friend is coming from out of town or has a specific problem that he wants advice about.
一些男人会避免一同进餐，除非友人是从外地过来的，或者有特定的问题想要咨询。
Otherwise, grabbing beers at a bar will do just fine, thank you.
否则的话，在酒吧喝几杯啤酒就好，谢了。
Other men say dinners may be all right, but never brunch, although a post-hangover meal taking place during brunch hours is O.K.
另外一些男人则表示，共进晚餐或许可以，但绝不能是早午餐，尽管宿醉之后在午餐时间一起找补一顿还是可以接受的。
"The company at that point is purely secondary," explained Steven Carlson, 29, a public relations executive in Chicago.
在那种时刻，陪伴完全是次要的，现年29岁，在芝加哥当公关主管的史蒂芬•卡尔森(Steven Carlson)解释道。
Almost all men agree that beer and hard alcohol are acceptable man date beverages, but wine is risky.
几乎所有男人都一致认为，啤酒和烈酒是进行男男约会时可以接受的饮料，但喝红酒就有点危险了。
And sharing a bottle is out of the question.
此外，绝不能共饮一瓶红酒。
"If a guy wants to get a glass of wine, that's O.K.," said Rob Discher, 24, who moved to Washington from Dallas and has dinner regularly with his male roommate.
如果一个人想要来一杯红酒，那没问题，现年24岁，从达拉斯搬到了华盛顿、会经常和男性室友共进晚餐的罗布•迪舍尔(Rob Discher)说。
"But there is something kind of odd about splitting a bottle of wine with a guy."
但要是和一个男人共饮一瓶红酒，总感觉有点儿怪。
Other restaurant red flags include coat checks, busboys who ask, "Still or sparkling?" and candles, unless there is a power failure.
此外，得远离这样的餐厅：设有衣帽间的，服务生会问带汽还是不带汽的矿泉水的，以及点着蜡烛的——除非赶上停电。
All of those are fine, however, at a steakhouse.
不过，如果是在一家牛排馆里，以上这些还是可以接受的。
"Your one go-to is if you go and get some kind of meat product," explained James Halow, 28, who works for a leveraged buyout firm in San Francisco.
要是想吃某种肉类产品，这会是一个很好的选择，现年28岁，在旧金山一家杠杆收购公司工作的詹姆斯•哈洛(James Halow)解释道。
Cooking for a friend at home violates the man date comfort zone for almost everyone, with a possible exemption for grilling or deep-frying.
几乎对所有人而言，为朋友在家里做饭都打破了男男约会的舒适区，也许吃烧烤或者油炸食物可以是例外。
"The grilling thing would take away the majority of the stigma because there is a masculine overtone to the grill," Mr Discher said.
烧烤会让大部分不光彩的感觉烟消云散，因为烧烤架能彰显阳刚之气，迪舍尔说。
And man dates should always be Dutch treat, men agree.
男人们一致认为，赴男男之约时一定要采取AA制。
Armen Myers, 28, a lawyer in New York who is an unabashed man dater, remembers when he tried to pay for dinner for a friend.
现年28岁、在纽约当律师的阿尔缅•迈尔斯(Armen Myers)，是一个从不遮遮掩掩的男男约会者，他还记得自己试图为共进晚餐的一位友人买单时的情形。
"I just plopped out the money and didn't even think about it," Mr Myers said.
我想都没想就把钱掏了出来，迈尔斯说，
"He said, 'What are you doing?' And I'm like: 'I was going to pay. What's the big deal?' And he said something like, 'Guys don't pay for me,' or 'No one pays for me.'
他问，‘你这是干嘛？’我回答：‘我要买单啊，有问题吗？’而他好像是这样说的：‘我不会让男人为我买单的’，或者‘谁也不许为我买单。’
There was a certain slight power issue."
这其中显然会涉及某个小小的权力问题。
When attending a movie together -- preferably with explosions or heavy special effects, never a romantic comedy -- guys prefer to put a nice big seat between each other.
一起去看电影时——电影里最好有爆炸场景或者大量特效镜头，绝不可以看浪漫喜剧片——男人们宁愿分开来坐，彼此之间隔着一个大大的空位。
(This only sounds like an episode of "Seinfeld.")
（就好像《宋飞传》(Seinfeld)中的一集那样。
Going to the movie with one other guy is sort of weird, but you can balance it out by having a seat space between you, explained Ames McArdle, a financial analyst in Washington.
和另一个男人一起看电影有点儿怪，但如果你们之间隔着一个空位，就可以抵消一部分怪怪的感觉，华盛顿的一名金融分析师埃姆斯•麦卡德尔(Ames McArdle)说。
Men who avoid man dates altogether are often puzzled by the suggestion that they might like to spend time with male friends.
会完全避开男男约会的男人，在面对他们或许想要和男性友人共度时光这一提示时，常常感到困惑。
"If you're buddies with another guy, there shouldn't be any work involved," Mr Halow of San Francisco said.
如果你和另一个男人是好友，你们的交往就不应该那么麻烦，旧金山的哈洛说。
Which is why many men say that a successful man dates requires a guy to demonstrate concern for his friend without ever letting on.
正因为如此，许多男人都说，男男约会取得成功的必要条件是：一个男人得表现出对朋友的关心，但又绝不能承认这一点。
"The amount of preparation that the other guy is making is directly proportional to how awkward it is," Mr McArdle of Washington said.
另一个男人为约会所做准备的程度，直接关系到约会的尴尬程度，华盛顿的麦卡德尔说。
When man daters socialize with non-man daters, the activities always fall to the lowest common denominator.
当男男约会者与非男男约会者交际时，其活动往往会牵扯到尽可能多的人。
Mr Myers of New York remembers how he would ask his roommate Jonathan Freimann out for dinner by himself.
纽约的迈尔斯还记得自己当初想单独邀请室友乔纳森•弗赖曼(Jonathan Freimann)出去吃晚餐。
But Mr Freimann would instinctively pre-empt, by asking other guys along.
但弗赖曼却会自然而然地抢先行动，叫上一堆人。
Mr Freimann explained, adding that group dinners had simply seemed "more fun."
如果知道他想和我单独待在一起，我会照做的，弗赖曼解释道，
If I had known he wanted to spend one-on-one time, I would have,
他还表示，之所以找一群人聚餐，只是因为那样似乎更有趣。
(The two had dinner in San Diego last week.)
（上周，两人在圣地亚哥共进了晚餐。）
Jeffrey Toohig, 27, is a more reliable bet for Mr Myers.
对迈尔斯来说，27岁的杰弗里•图西格(Jeffrey Toohig)是一个更为可靠的选择。
They regularly have dinner together to discuss women, jobs and whatever else is on their minds, because, as Mr. Toohig put it, "the conversation is more in-depth than you can have at a bar."
他们会定期共进晚餐，讨论女人、工作以及内心的其他所有想法，因为正如图西格所言，这种谈话比酒吧里能够展开的那种更有深度。
Mr. Toohig, who is looking for a job helping underdeveloped countries, divides his male friends into two groups: "good friends who I go out one on one with, and guys I go out with and we have beers and wings."
图西格正在寻找一份可以对欠发达国家有所帮助的工作，他把自己的男性朋友分成两类：我会与之单独见面的好朋友，以及一群人一起出门喝啤酒吃鸡翅的哥们。
And, he pointed out, dinner with Mr. Myers has the advantage of not making his girlfriend jealous, the way dinners with his female friends do.
此外，他指出，和图西格共进晚餐的一大好处是不会让他女朋友心生妒忌，和女性朋友单独吃晚餐就不行了。
All men, however, agree that one rule of guy-meets-guy time is inviolable: if a woman enters the picture, a man can drop his buddies, last minute, no questions asked.
不过，所有男人一致认为，男男约会不得违反的规矩是：如果一个女人出现了，约会一方可以对好友爽约，哪怕是最后一分钟，并且无需解释。
A romantic date always trumps a man date.
浪漫约会的地位永远高于男男约会。
