直男们 愿意来一场男男约会吗(中)

"A lot of quality time is lost as we fritter around with minor stuff like the Final Four scores," said Mr O'Donnell, who was on the verge of divorce in the mid-1980's before a series of conversations over meals and walks with a friend 20 years his senior changed his thinking.

当我们把时间耗在四强赛分数等小事上的时候，大把一起相处的宝贵时光一去不返，奥唐奈说。上世纪80年代中期，他处于离婚边缘，却在和一位比他年长20岁的友人多次进餐散步后改变了主意，当时二人聊了很多东西。

"He was instrumental in turning me around in the vulnerability that he showed," said Mr O'Donnell, who wrote about the friendship in a book, "Walking With Arthur." "I can remember times when he wanted to know why I was going to leave my wife.

他向我袒露了自己的脆弱之处，帮助我改变了想法，在《和亚瑟一起散步》(Walking With Arthur)一书中描写了这段友谊的奥唐奈说。我记得当时他想要了解，为什么我打算离开我妻子。

No guy had ever done that before."

此前从没有男性朋友像他那样做。

While some men explicitly seek man dates, and others flatly reject them as pointless, most seem to view them as an unavoidable form of socializing in an age when friends can often catch up only by planning in advance.

尽管有些男人会毫不掩饰地寻求男男约会，有些则认为这毫无意义，会断然拒绝，但大多数人都觉得，在一个通常只有事先安排好，朋友们才会小聚一番的时代，男男约会是一种不可避免的社交形式。

The ritual comes particularly into play for many men after college, as they adjust to a more structured, less spontaneous social life.

对许多从大学毕业后，学着适应更有规律、随意性更小的社会生活的男性而言，这种约会尤其难以避免。

"You see kids in college talking to each other, bull sessions," said Peter Nardi, a sociology professor at Pitzer College in Claremont, Calif., who edited a book called "Men's Friendships." "But the opportunities to get close to another man, to share and talk about their feelings, are not available after a certain age."

你看大学里的年轻人会相互交谈，侃大山，加利福尼亚州克莱蒙特市匹兹学院(Pitzer College)社会学教授、《兄弟情谊》(Men's Friendships)一书的编辑彼得•纳迪(Peter Nardi)说。但到了一定年龄之后，就不太有机会与另一个男人亲近，分享和讨论各自的感受了。

The concern about being perceived as gay is one of the major complications of socializing one on one, many straight men acknowledge.

许多直男承认，担心被当成同性恋，是他们对一对一社交感到纠结的一个重要原因。

That is what Mr Speiser, now a graduate student at the University of Virginia, recalled about another man date he set up at a highly praised Italian restaurant in a strip mall in Charlottesville.

目前在弗吉尼亚大学(University of Virginia)读研的斯潘塞记得，他在夏洛茨维尔某单排商业区内一家口碑极好意大利餐厅安排的另一场男男约会，就让他有这种担心。

It seemed a comfortable choice to meet his roommate, Thomas Kim, a lawyer, but no sooner had they walked in than they were confronted by cello music, amber lights, white tablecloths and a wine list.

他约的是自己的室友、身为律师的托马斯•金(Thomas Kim)，在那里见面本来看似会是一个舒适的选择。但他们刚走进餐厅，面对的便是以大提琴演奏的音乐、琥珀色的灯光、雪白的桌布以及一份酒单。

The two exchanged a look.

两人交换了一下眼神。

"It was funny," Mr Speiser said.

很搞笑，斯潘塞说。

"We just knew we couldn't do it." Within minutes they were eating fried chicken at a "down and dirty" place down the road.

我们立刻知道我们做不来这个。没过几分钟，他们就在路边一个不入流的脏兮兮的地方吃起了炸鸡。