啃老族该如何营造和谐家庭氛围

Millennials, meet your new roommates: mom and dad. The Pew Research Center recently released a study that found that a record-breaking 36% of the nation’s young adults ages 18 to 31 were living in their parents’ home in 2012.

千禧一代，快迎接你的新室友：你的爸妈。皮尤研究中心最近公布的一项研究表明，2012年美国18-31岁的青年，有超过36%的人都住在父母家。

Among them is Rachel Horn, a 23-year-old living in Los Angeles who moved back to her parents’ house after graduating from the University of Southern California. “I graduated and my lease was up at my apartment at USC, and housing in LA is so expensive,” she says. “I wanted to try to move back home to save money so I could afford a place on my own.”

雷切尔霍恩就是其中一员，23岁的她现居洛杉矶，自从于南加州大学毕业后就搬回去和父母一起住了。她说：“毕业后，我大学里的公寓租赁就到期了，洛杉矶的房价又高得离谱。所以我只好搬回家，然后自食其力存钱买房。”

According to Pew, Horn isn’t alone. Statistics from the study show that a major reason young adults are moving home is economic challenges. According to Pew, “three-in-ten parents of adult children report that a child of theirs has moved back in with them in the past few years because of the economy.”

从皮尤的研究可知，和恩并非特例。其数据显示，年轻成年人搬回家的主要原因就是经济压力过大。调查还表明“其中三成的父母指出他们的小孩在过去几年回家居住皆因经济拮据。”

Despite the money saved, however, when young adults move back in family relationships can become strained. “Being around my parents so much was hard at first,” says Horn. “Your parents are completely different from your friends at school or roommates your age. I started to feel like I was in high school again at certain points.”

那些青壮年们一搬回家，虽说省去了租房的钱，但和父母的关系可能就会变得紧张起来。“一开始我那无处不在的父母真的让我倍感煎熬，”霍恩说道。“他们跟我学校同龄的朋友、室友完全就是两回事。某些时候我都怀疑自己好像又回到高中时代了。”

Privacy, house rules, and family roles all come into question when young adults cohabitate with parents. “The biggest obstacle for young people when moving back home is understanding their role as the adult child,” says life coach and author Tanya White. “Life is different when moving back home as an adult. Your roles and responsibilities change.”

当跟父母处在同一屋檐下，无论是隐私，家规还是家庭角色都会让人纠结。“年轻人搬回家住会遇到的最大挑战就是得像个成年人一样去扮演他们作为儿女的角色，”生活导师兼作家谭雅.怀特这样说，“作为一个成年人搬回父母那里，生活会变得截然不同。你的角色和责任也会发生改变。”

Dr. Susan Newman, author of “Under One Roof Again: All Grown Up and (Re)learning to Live Together Happily,” agrees with White. “For the majority of young adults returning to live at home, the major stumbling block is falling back into the mommy-daddy-child roles,” says Newman. “Many young adults who return home do not assume responsibility in ways that assist parents and make the living arrangement more equitable. As a result, tensions build where there doesn’t have to be any.”Luckily, tension can be prevented.

苏珊.纽曼博士，《第二次同一屋檐下：长大后学会和谐相处》一书的作者与怀特观点不谋而合。“一大批青壮年向父母家迁徙，其中最主要的障碍就是怎样进入妈妈-爸爸-孩子的角色，”纽曼认为：“大多数年轻人回到家都不承担家务的责任，也不帮助父母减轻生活的负担。最终就形成了毫无必要的紧张氛围。”幸好这种氛围还可以避免。

Talk It Out

直言不讳

The first step is communication. “Communication and conflict resolution are key to having a successful home life when adult children move back home,” says White.

交流是消除紧张氛围的第一步。“当年轻人搬回家时，交流和解决冲突是营造和谐家庭的关键，”怀特说。

Start with an open dialogue about house rules and personal boundaries to avert future conflicts before they become overwhelming and congregate. “Boundaries separating you from parents occurred automatically when you were independent, formed either by the physical distance or the amount of contact you orchestrated,” explains Newman. “When you live together again, boundaries can blur quickly. You will want to install ground rules that reshuffle the boundaries to ensure your parents’ and your freedom, comfort, and happiness.”

在冲突压倒性袭来之前，就开门见山地谈论一下家规和个人生活界限吧。“当你独立自主后，与父母之间的隔阂就会不知不觉地形成，这些隔阂表现在你与父母的肢体接触和你精心策划的联系次数，”纽曼解释道。“当你们再次同居一室时，隔阂瞬间显现出来。届时你就会想要重新制定一系列的规则以确保父母和你都能自由，舒适，愉悦地共处。”

Compromise

学会妥协

Living with anyone, whether it is your parents, a spouse, or a roommate, requires compromise. Discuss what your parents’ expectations are compared to your own, and meet in the middle. “Work around the things you believe [your parents] can’t or won’t change,” says Newman. Be creative and present options for solutions to conflicts that you don’t see eye-to eye on. “If you want changes, you will have to ask for them calmly, not in an authoritative way,” says Newman. “Let’s say that you don’t want your parents in your room or cleaning up after you, tell them that you will tend to those things. Or explain that you will do your own laundry.”

跟别人相处，无论对方是你的父母，配偶，亦或者室友，都需要妥协。要跟父母交流一下彼此的愿想，然后双方再折中妥协。“尝试努力去改变你认为父母会坚持的意见，”纽曼说。要灵活应对冲突，双方达不到共识的时候，要给出建设性意见。“如果你想有所改变，那就冷静地跟他们谈谈，而不是特立独行，”纽曼说。“告诉父母你不希望他们进入你的房间，也不想他们帮你打扫卫生，告诉他们你自己会打扫。或者向他们好好解释你的衣服自己会洗。”

Lend a Hand

互相帮助

Both Newman and White suggest assisting with household responsibilities to create a pleasant living situation. “Young people who move back home must help support their parents financially and with the household responsibilities, i.e. chores [and] unexpected expenses,” says White.

纽曼和怀特都给出建议说帮助承担家庭责任能够创造良好的居住环境。“搬回家住的年轻人有义务帮助父母减轻经济负担，同时也有承担家庭责任的必要，简单地说就是做点家务或者偿付预算外的支出，”怀特说。

Newman says that in addition, going beyond everyday chores is vital to create a supportive environment. “Call on the way home to see if you should stop at the store to pick up something for dinner, or at the cleaners to retrieve the clothes that are ready,” says Newman. “In this way, a whole scheme of cooperating evolves.”

纽曼觉得除此之外，履行日常家务以外的职责是创造互助环境的关键，“在回家的路上打个电话问是否需要顺便买点晚餐之类的东西，或者在洗衣店把洗干净的衣服捎回家，纽曼如是说道。“如此一来，便皆大欢喜。”