经典幽默英语笑话精选

笑话能反映出一个民族的价值系统及其对周围世界肯定和否定的态度。本站小编整理了经典幽默英语笑话，欢迎阅读!

　　经典幽默英语笑话：Computer Women

a.. HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything you say and do, FOREVER!!!

c.. WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can't do anything right, but you can't live without her.

d.. EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for only four of your basic needs.

e.. SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing functional, but at least she is exciting, colourful, and lots of fun!

f.. INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access and hard to keep running!!!

g.. SERVER Woman: Claims to be available to you, but Always busy when you need her.

h.. MULTIMEDIA Woman: She has a way of making horrible things look very beautiful.

i.. CD-ROM Woman: She always has you on the move, going faster and faster!!!

j.. E-MAIL Woman: Out of Every ten things she says, eight are plain nonsense.

k.. VIRUS Woman: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are least expecting her, she shows up, installs herself, and starts gobbling up all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose almost every thing. If you don't try to uninstall her, you will still have nothing.

　　经典幽默英语笑话：Tarzan

Tarzan gets into a huge fight with a lion in the jungles of Africa. The lion is defeated, but not before it rips off Tarzan's arm, eye, and dick. Of course, Tarzan's jungle friends help him out by giving him the parts he needs -- the eye of an eagle, the arm of a gorilla, and an elephant trunk for a dick. A while later, Cheeta the Chimp asks Tarzan how his new parts are working out for him.

"Tarzan like. With new eye, can see far. With new arm, Tarzan strong. But no like new wee-wee."

"Why's that?"

"It keep taking weeds and shoving in Tarzan's ass."

　　经典幽默英语笑话：Digging

Two privates stationed at Fort Campbell were handed shovels

and told to bury a large, dead animal. While digging they

got into an argument about what they were burying.

"This here's a big mule!" "This ain't no mule, this here's

a donkey."

"Mule!"

"Donkey!"

Well, this went on for a while until the camp chaplain came by.

"What are you boys doing?"

"We're diggin' a grave for this mule."

"Donkey, dammit!"

The chaplain cut in, "Boys, this isn't either one, it's an ass!"

An hour later, the camp commander came up and said, "What are

you men doing, digging a foxhole?"

"No sir, we're diggin' an asshole."

　　经典幽默英语笑话：Smart Cats

Four people were bragging about how smart their cats are.

The first was an Engineer, the second an Accountant, the third was a Chemist, the fourth was a government Worker.

To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, "T-square, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart, but the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff."

Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.

Everyone agreed that was good, but the Chemist said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.

Everyone agreed that was good. Then the three men turned to the government Worker and said,"What can your cat do?".

The Government Worker called to his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff."

Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, pooped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

　　经典幽默英语笑话：Seeing A Child In Need

One afternoon a little boy was playing outdoors. He used his mother's broom as a horse and had a wonderful time until it was getting left the broom on the back porch. His mother was cleaning up the kitchen when she realized that her broom was missing. She asked the little boy about the broom and he told her where it then asked him to please go get it. The little boy informed his mom that he was afraid of the dark and didn't want to go out to get the mother smiled and said 'The Lord is out there too, don't be afraid'. The little boy opened the back door a little and said 'Lord if you're out there, hand me the broom'.

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