初二爆笑英语笑话摘抄
笑话和幽默的感染力,很大程度上依赖于修辞格的运用。下面小编整理了初二英语笑话，希望大家喜欢!
纪律(中英)
US and Russia arranged a competition to determine whose nation had the bravest troops. The two leaders arrived, at the designated hour, on a plateau in Finland high above the water. Each was accompanied by a battalion of crack troops, smartly uniformed. The leaders shook hands.
美国军队和俄罗斯军队举行了一次比武，看看谁军队的士兵最勇敢。两国的首脑在约定的时间来到了芬兰临海的一个高地上。他们分别带来自己最优秀的军队，穿着漂亮的军装。两国领导人握手后美国先开始。
US went first. The leader addressed his battalion of Marines:
美国领导人向海军陆战队说:
"Private Jones! Front and center.”
“大兵琼斯，出列。”
Private Jones saluted and briskly marched to the front of the ranks, facing his commander.
琼斯走到前面向指挥官干净利落地敬了个礼。
"Private Jones! March to the edge of the cliff.”
“大兵琼斯，走到悬崖边上去。”
Private Jones saluted and briskly marched to the very edge of the cliff.
琼斯敬了个礼后走到了悬崖的边上。
"Private Jones! Jump!”
“大兵琼斯，跳!”
Jones just stood there, unmoving.
琼斯站在那里一动没动。
"Private Jones! I said jump!”
“大兵琼斯，我说跳。”
The man’s knees started to shake, but he was otherwise motionless.
他站在那里开始发抖，但还是没有动。
"Private Jones! This is your Commander一in一Chief. I ORDER YOU TO JUMP!!!”
“大兵琼斯，我作为最高指挥官现在命令你跳下去。”
Private Jones wailed out: "I can’t! I have a wife-and a family!”
琼斯悲痛的说:“我不能跳，我还有妻子和家庭。”
Jones was sent away for court martial. The US leader backed off in disgrace. It was now Russian's turn.
琼斯因此被带走去了军事法庭。美国领导人很丢人的回去了。下面该轮到俄罗斯了。
"Comrade Dmitrivich! Front and center.
“德米特雷维奇同志，出列。”
Comrade Dmitrivich saluted and briskly marched to the front of the ranks, facing his commander.
德米特雷维奇走到前面向指挥官干净利落地敬了个礼。
"Comrade Dmitrivich! March to the edge of the cliff.”
“德米特雷维奇同志，走到悬崖边上去。”
Dmitrivich saluted and briskly marched to the very edge of the cliff.
他敬了个礼后走到了悬崖的边上。
"Comrade Dmitrivich! Jump!”
“德米特雷维奇同志，跳!”
Dmitrivich jumped off the cliff.
他跳下了悬崖。
By some miracle, he was snagged on a branch and he landed on a crag some 50 feet below the top of the cliff. Dmitrivich was badly injured, but still alive and conscions. He was carried away on a stretcher. As Dmitrivich was carried passed Private Jones, Jones could not resist asking him: "Dmitrivich! How could you do it? How could you jump?"
奇迹发生了，他被一个树枝挂了一下，然后掉在了离悬崖五十英尺的峭壁上。他伤势严重但还活着，而且神志清醒。他被担架抬了上来。当他的担架经过大兵琼斯的时候，琼斯忍不住问他:“德米特雷维奇，你怎么能那么做?你怎么能往下跳呢?”
Dmitrivich answered: "I had to! I have a wife-and a family!”
德米特雷维奇说:“我不得不跳，因为我还有妻子和家庭。”
初二英语笑话鉴赏关于降落伞(中英)
You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute.
你是一架失控飞机上两名乘客中的一名，现在只有一个降落伞。
Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die in the jump anyway.
悲观主义者:你拒绝使用降落伞，因为即使你跳下去也会死。
Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived jumps just like this before.
乐观主义者:你拒绝使用降落伞，因为曾经有人不用降落伞跳下去也能活。
Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.
慢性子:你玩一盘强手棋来决定是否拿降落伞。
Lawyer: you charge the airline for one parachute.
律师:因为只有一个降落伞，你要控诉航空公司。
Doctor: you need to run more tests，and then take the parachute.
医生:在你拿降落伞以前你要仔细的检查多遍。
Sales executive: you sell the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of the other guy’s friends and relatives who might like one too.
销售代表:你以最高的零售价把降落伞卖给另一个人，然后要来他的亲戚朋友的名字，问他们是否也想要一个。
Internal Revenue Service: you confiscate the parachute along with the other guy’s luggage and wallet.
国内税收员:你把降落伞连同另一个人的行李和钱包一起没收。
Advertiser: you sing that what he need is a neon parachute with computer altimeter for only $39. 99.
广告商:你唱出他们需要的是一个尼龙降落伞和一个电脑高度计，只卖三十九点九九美元。
Engineer; you make him another parachute out of aisle curtains and dental floss.
工程师:你用走廊的窗帘和牙线为另一个人再做一个降落伞。
Scientist: you give him the parachute and ask him to send you a report on how well it worked.
科学家:你把降落伞给另一个人，然后叫他们寄给你一份降落伞怎样工作的报告。
Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in all cases.
数学家:如果不能证明降落伞在任何情况下都能正常使用你拒绝使用降落伞。
Philosopher: you ask how he knows the parachute actually exists.
哲学家:你问另一个人降落伞他怎么知道降落伞确实存在。
English Teacher; you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute instructions.
英语老师:你会在降落伞的说明书里找出哪里是明喻哪里是暗喻。
Comparative Literature: you read the parachute instructions in all four languages.
比较文学学者:你会通读降落伞说明上的四种语言。
Computer Scientist: you design a machine capable of operating a parachute as well as a human being could.
电脑专家:你会设计一个能和人一样操纵降落伞的机器。
Psychoanalyst: you ask him what the shape of a parachute reminds him of.
心理医生:你会问另一个人降落伞的形状会让他想起什么。
Artist: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.
艺术家:你会把降落伞挂在墙上，然后在上面签上名字。
Libertarian: after reminding him of his constitutional right to have a parachute，you take it and jump out.
自由论者:你会提醒另一个人他拥有宪法赋予的拿降落伞的权利，然后你拿起来跳出去。
Surgeon General: you issue a warning that skydiving can be hazardous to your health.
外科医生:你会提出跳伞运动有害健康的警告。
National Rifle Association: you shoot him and take the parachute.
国家枪械协会会员:你开枪打死另一个人然后拿走降落伞。
Police Bigot: you beat him unconscious with the parachute.
顽固的警察:你会用降落伞打得另一个人不省人事。
Environmentalist: you refuse to use the parachute unless it is biodegradable.
环保主义者:除非能证明降落伞是生物可分解的，否则你拒绝使用降落伞。
Sports Fan: you start betting on how long it will take to crash.
体育迷:你开始打赌飞机多长时间会坠毁。
初二英语笑话赏析生日玫瑰(中英)
A young man was in love with a beautiful girl. One day she said to him: "It is my birthday tomorrow.”
一个年轻的男子爱上了一位美丽的姑娘。一天她对他说:“明天就是我的生日了。”
"Oh,” said the young man, "I'll send you roses，one rose for each year of your life.”
“噢，我要送给你玫瑰，每一朵玫瑰都象征着你生命中所渡过的每一年。”年轻的男子说。
The same evening he went to a florist's. As he knew that the girl was twenty一two years old , he paid for twenty一two roses and asked the florist to send them to the girl the next day.
那天晚上他就去拜访了种花人。他知道那个姑娘22岁了，于是他买下了22朵玫瑰并请求种花人第二天把玫瑰给那位姑娘送去。
When the young man left the shop, the florist thought: "This young man is a very good customer. I think that my price was too high. I' 11 send ten more roses.”
年轻的男子离开了花店，种花人心里想:“这位年青人真是个心地善良的好人。我给他的价格太高了。我要多给他一些花。”
He did so. The next morning thirty-two roses were sent to the girl.
他确实是那样做的。二天清晨，种花人把犯朵玫瑰一起送给了那位女孩。
When the young man came to see her, she didn't speak to him. And he never knew why she was so angry with him.
当这位年轻的男子兴冲冲地来看望她的时候，她对他置之不理。当然，他是永远也不会知道为什么她收到玫瑰反而会生气了。
