英语爆笑笑话6篇
英语爆笑笑话一
"i had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me."一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。”
"that's terrible!" said the friend. "got any pain?"
“真是太糟糕了!”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗?”
"no, but i am always thirsty!"
“不疼，可是我总感到口渴!”
英语爆笑笑话二
Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight." Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box." Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."
丹在教他的儿子怎样拳击。他告诉他的朋友：“这是一个粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的儿子怎么去拼搏。”朋友：“如果他碰上的对手是一个比他高大，健壮而且也会拳击的人怎么办?”丹：“我也会教他怎么样赛跑呢。”
英语爆笑笑话三
One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.
有个女孩向神父告解她所犯的罪...
Girl: Father, I have sinned.
女孩：神父，我有罪。
Preacher: What did you do, little girl?
神父：孩子，你犯了什么罪呢?
Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a "son of a Bitch."
女孩：昨天，我骂了某个男人一句：“你这个狗娘养的。”
Preacher: Why? What did he do to you?
神父：为什么?他对你做了什么吗?
Girl: He touched my breast.
女孩：他...他摸我的胸部。
Preacher: You mean like this? (The guy did it.)
神父：你是说像这样子吗?(神父伸手摸女孩的胸部)
Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.
女孩：(因为神父的举动而有一些害羞)嗯...是的。
Preacher: That s no reason to call him that.
神父：只是这样子的话你没有理由骂他。
Girl: But he also took off my cloth.
女孩：但是...他又把我的衣服脱掉。
Preacher: You mean like this? (He did it again.)
神父：你是说像这样子吗?(神父动手脱掉女孩的衣服)
Girl: Yes, that s what he did.
女孩：是的，是这样子没错。
Preacher: That s still no reason to call him that.
神父：可是这样子你还是没有理由骂他。
Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...
女孩：然後...他把他的...那个...放到我的...那个...里面...
Preacher: (evil laugh...) You mean like this? (And you-know-what)
神父：(奸笑貌)你是说像这样子吗?(神父和女孩就那个那个了)
Girl: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, that s what he did...
女孩：(数分钟後)喔...是的...就是这样子cher: My dear girl, that s still no reason to call him a...
神父：我亲爱的孩子，就算是这样你还是没有理由骂他「你这个...」
Girl: But he had AIDS!!女孩：但是他有AIDS呀!
Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!神父：那个狗娘养的!!!
英语爆笑笑话四
●Only One Eye to settle On
The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn't you tell me this before ?"
"I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye.
姑娘找到媒人，说：“你欺骗了我。他的一只眼是假眼，你以前为什么不告诉我?” “怎么没告诉你?”媒人也不甘示弱，“你们第一回见面后，我就说，他一眼就看中你了。”
英语爆笑笑话五
●You May Select可以选择
The husband complained that his wife always cooked the same dish.
One day, the husband got home and asked his wife, "My dear, what will we eat today?"
The wife said, "You may select the dish today."
The husband was very glad and asked, "Which dishes are there today?"
"Cabbage."
"The others?"
"None."
"Then how to select?"
"Eat or not eat!" the wife said.
丈夫抱怨妻子总是做同样的一种菜。
一天，丈夫回到家，问妻子：“亲爱的，今天我们吃啥菜?”
妻子回答：“今天你可以选择。” 丈夫感到非常高兴，又问：“都有哪些菜呢?”
“炒白菜。”
“还有呢?”
“没了。”
“那你要我怎么选呢?”
“吃还是不吃!”妻子一本正经地说道。
英语爆笑笑话六
●Two roaches 两只蟑螂
Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant."I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines.""Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"
两只蟑螂正在一条小巷的垃圾堆上大吃着，其中的一只谈起了它在一家新开张的餐馆里的经历。“那时我在街对面的那家新餐馆里，”它说。“那里太干净了!厨房没有一点污渍，地面闪着白光。任何地方都没有垃圾。那里是如此干净，整个地方都在发光。”“请不要在我吃东西的时候说这个好吗?”另一只蟑螂不悦地说。
