写给我巴基斯坦母亲的信,她不知道我是同性恋
You have always defined yourself by your family, as a wife, a mother, and now a grandmother. However, our perpetual family dysfunction has meant that you've never been able to assume the role you'd like to, and I am sorry that your life has turned out this way. Nonetheless, while your marriage to my father has been a disaster, and my brother seems to have repeated your mistake of staying in a bad relationship, which in turn has affected your contact with your grandchildren, I unfortunately can't be your saviour.
作为一个妻子，一个母亲，现在是一个祖母，你总是把对自己的定义和家庭联系到一起。然而，我们的长期的家庭不和谐意味着你从来没能够承担好你想要的角色，对于你的生活变成这样我表示抱歉。尽管如此，当你和我父亲的婚姻变成一场灾难，我的哥哥似乎也重蹈你的覆辙，婚姻关系也不好，这反过来又影响了你与你的孙子的联系，不幸的是我却不能成为你的救世主。I'm gay, Mum, and while you are by no means a pious fundamentalist, I know your religion and culture means a gay son doesn't fit into the hopes you have for me, and for yourself.
我是同性恋，妈妈，虽然你不是一个虔诚的原教旨主义者，我知道你的宗教和文化意味着一个同性恋儿子不符合你对自己和我的期望I'm approaching my 30th birthday, and the not-so-subtle hints that you want me to get married have intensified. I remember when you were on a trip to Pakistan a couple of years ago, you spoke to a girl's family with a view to match making - without my knowledge. By your description, she sounded like exactly the kind of person I might be interested in - a passion for social justice, a doctor - and the picture you sent was of a happy, attractive young woman. You even roped in my dad, who usually stays out of these kinds of things, to send me an email, almost pleading with me to at least consider it, as marriage to someone like her, he explained, a "traditional" girl, with "traditional" values, could bring our family a much-needed happiness not seen in a long time.
我快30岁了，你也并没有强烈暗示我结婚。我记得几年前你在巴基斯坦旅行时，你和一个女孩的家人谈话，在未征得我的同意下，想给我们订婚。按你的描述，听起来她像是一个我可能感兴趣的人，她是一位医生，有社会正义感。你发来的的照片是一个快乐的，有吸引力的年轻女子。你甚至说服我爸爸，他通常不参与这些事情，给我发一个电子邮件，几乎恳求我至少考虑一下，找一个像她那样的伴侣，他解释说，"传统"的女孩，拥有"传统"的价值观，可以给我们的家庭带来许久未见的幸福感。
I've always told myself that I'd come out to you once I'm in a happy, stable relationship.
我总是告诉自己，一旦我有了幸福稳定的恋情，我会立刻告诉你。My initial reaction was of anger that you'd bandied together with my dad to help curate a life for me that you wanted. Then there was guilt that I couldn't give you what you wanted because of my sexuality. In the end, I didn't use this as an opportunity to come out, but neither did I capitulate.
我最初的反应是愤怒，因为你和爸爸一起策划我的生活，而这种生活是你想要的。然后我会内疚，因为我的性取向，我不能给你想要的。最后，我没有利用这件事来说明我的性取向，但我也没有投降。
You're a wonderful mother, but what a lot of non-immigrant friends don't always realise is that while it's true that you want me to be happy, you want me to be so in a way that fits into a world you understand. That inevitably changes between generations, but the chasm between first and second-generation immigrants can sometimes be too big to overcome.
你是一个很好的母亲，但很多非移民的朋友并没有意识到，虽然你真的希望我快乐，但你希望我通过适合你理解的世界来得到快乐。不同辈分之间这种意识会不可避免的变化，但第一代和第二代移民之间的裂痕有时可能太大，不容易克服。Maybe one day I could fit into your world, but for the time being, I'll continue to play a role you at least partially recognise.
也许有一天我能融入你的世界，但在目前，我会继续扮演一个你至少能部分承认的角色。
