英语笑话7篇带翻译爆笑双语

导语：笑话是指以一句短语或一个小故事让说话者和听者之间觉得好笑，或是产生幽默感，另外一个行动(动作)型的笑话是以动作影响人的视觉及观感，而感到好笑。一起来看看这些英语爆笑（带翻译）笑话吧。

1.A shoplifter(商店扒手) |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook(骗子，坏蛋) looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."

一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候被当场擒获。“听着，”小偷说，“我知道你们也不想惹麻烦。我把这只表买下，然后我们就当什么也没发生，你看怎样?”

经理表示同意，然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道：“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点，你们还有没有便宜一点儿东西。"

little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.

"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

"Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”

“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗?”

s and AssProfessor Laurie of Glasgow put this notice on his door：“Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today.” A student，after reading the notice，rubbed out the“c”. Later Professor Laurie came along，and entering into the spirit of the joke，rubbed out the“l”.

格拉斯哥的劳里教授在门上贴了这样一个通知：“劳里教授今天不会他的班。” 一个学生读了通知后，擦掉了字母“c”。 后来劳里教授来了，也想开开玩笑，他擦掉了字母“l”。[来自我要看笑话]

six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被宠坏的) . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(乱发脾气) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.

Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?

Cry? John asked. No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!

六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。

约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：学校怎么样?你过的好吗?哭了没有?

哭?约翰问，不，我没哭，可老师哭了。

5.A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

Little Johnny then stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来?”她一开始就说。

小约翰尼站了起来。

“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼?”老师问。

“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”

id Question

Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"

After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.

“Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily.

But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?”

愚蠢的问题

丹在一个大城市的某个俱乐部当守门人。每天都有数千人经过他的门口，而且许多人都会停下来问他:“请问现在几点?”

几个月后，丹想:“我不想再回答这些蠢人提出的问题了，我要去买一只大钟，把它挂在这儿的墙上。”于是他买了一只钟，把它挂在了墙上。

“现在人们总不会再停下来问我时间了。”他高兴地想。

可是打那以后，每天仍有许多人停下来，看看钟，然后问丹:“这钟准吗?”

7.

Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。

“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀!”

“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”

哥哥想了一会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”