轻松趣味英语笑话

“哪里有人,哪里就有笑声。”从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松，在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面本站小编为大家带来轻松趣味英语笑话，欢迎大家阅读!

John had waited for months to get a divorce and now he was free from his domineering wife.

"Free at last!" he screamed, throwing his divorce papers into the air. "Now, I can eat when I want to, watch television when I want to."

Two months later John was found being escorted to jail by a police officer.

A shocked friend, on seeing poor John hand-cuffed, asked, "John, why are you under arrest? I thought your troubles were over when you divorced your wife."

"I couldn't pay my alimony," related John sadly.

"Why couldn't you pay your alimony?"

"My ex-wife has custody of the money and my business."

约翰等了好几个月才离婚，现在他终于摆脱了他专横的妻子。

“终于自由了。”他尖叫着，把离婚协议书抛到空中，“现在，我想吃就吃，想看电视就看电视。”

两个月后，有人发现约翰被警官带进了监狱。

一个朋友看见可怜的约翰戴着手铐，感到很震惊，问道：“约翰，你为什么被捕了?我以为你和你妻子离婚了就没什么麻烦了。”

“我付不起我的赡养费。”约翰伤心地回答。

“你为什么付不起你的赡养费呢?”

“我前妻掌握了我的财产和生意啊。”

Abraham Lincoln, President of the United States, was not very handsome, and he knew.

One day, Lincoln was walking in the street when he was stopped by an ugly man. The man had apistol in his hand. He aimed at Lincoln's nose. Lincoln was very surprised, but he pretended to be calm. He asked the man, "What do you want, sir?"

"I have promised myself," said the man, "If I find a man who is uglier than I, I'll kill him."

Lincoln looked at the man's face carefully and said eagerly. "Please take aim at me, sir. If I was uglier than you, I would not want to live."

美国总统亚伯拉罕·林肯长得不算英俊，这他自己也知道。

一天，林肯正在街上散步，这时他突然被一个丑人拦住了。那个人手中拿着枪，瞄准林肯的鼻子。林肯非常惊讶，但是他假装镇静自若。他问那个人：“先生，你想干什么?”

“我答应过自己，”那个人说，“如果我找到一个比我更丑的人，我就毙了他。”

林肯仔细端详那个人的脸，急切地说，“请瞄准我吧，如果我比你更丑，我也不想活了。”

Sam was near the end of his long life. His children stood by the bed, and they were waiting to hear his last words.

Finally, he said, "My children, your mother and I have been married for more than 50 years-and she can cook wonderfully. Even now I smell bread baking. Sarah, be good and go and get me a piece."

In a few minutes Sarah was back in the room. "Sarah," her father asked. "Where's the bread I asked you to get?" Mama says you can't have any, it's for the funeral tomorrow."

山姆的生命即将走到尽头，他的子女们都站在床边等着听父亲的遗言。

最后他开口说道：“孩子们，你们的母亲和我结婚50多年了，他的烹饪手艺简直棒极了。现在我还能闻到烤面包的香味呢。萨拉，去给我拿一片吧。”

几分钟后，萨拉回到屋里，“萨拉，” 父亲问，“我让你拿的面包呢?”“妈妈说不能吃，这是为明天的葬礼准备的。”