经典科幻文学:《生命 宇宙及一切》第22章(7)

People had been dropping in on the party now for some years, fashionable gatecrashers from other worlds, and for some time it had occurred to the partygoers as they had looked out at their own world beneath them, with its wrecked cities, its ravaged avocado farms and blighted vineyards, its vast tracts of new desert, its seas full of biscuit crumbs and worse, that their world was in some tiny and almost imperceptible ways not quite as much fun as it had been. Some of them had begun to wonder if they could manage to stay sober for long enough to make the entire party spaceworthy and maybe take it off to some other people’s worlds where the air might be fresher and give them fewer headaches.
The few undernourished farmers who still managed to scratch out a feeble existence on the half-dead ground of the planet’s surface would have been extremely pleased to hear this, but that day, as the party came screaming out of the clouds and the farmers looked up in haggard fear of yet another cheese-and-wine raid, it became clear that the party was not going to be going anywhere else for a while, that the party would soon be over. Very soon it would be time to gather up hats and coats and stagger blearily outside to find out what time of day it was, what time of year it was, and whether in any of this burnt and ravaged land there was a taxi going anywhere.
The party was locked in a horrible embrace with a strange white spaceship which seemed to be half sticking through it. Together they were lurching, heaving and spinning their way round the sky in grotesque disregard of their own weight. The clouds parted. The air roared and leapt out of their way. The party and the Krikkit warship looked, in their writhings, a little like two ducks, one of which is trying to make a third duck inside the second duck, whilst the second duck is trying very hard to explain that it doesn’t feel ready for a third duck right now, is uncertain that it would want any putative third duck to be made by this particular first duck anyway, and certainly not whilst it, the second duck, was busy flying.
The sky sang and screamed with the rage of it all and buffeted the ground with shock waves.
And suddenly, with a foop, the Krikkit ship was gone.
The party blundered helplessly across the sky like a man leaning against an unexpectedly open door. It span and wobbled on its hover jets. It tried to right itself and wronged itself instead. It staggered back across the sky again.
For a while these staggerings continued, but clearly they could not continue for long. The party was now a mortally wounded party. All the fun had gone out of it, as the occasional brokenbacked pirouette could not disguise.
The longer, at this point, that it avoided the ground, the heavier was going to be the crash when finally it hit it.
Inside, things were not going well either. They were going monstrously badly, in fact, and people were hating it and saying so loudly. The Krikkit robots had been. They had removed the Award for The Most Gratuitous Use Of The Word “Fuck” In A Serious Screenplay, and in its place had left a scene of devastation that left Arthur feeling almost as sick as a runner-up for a Rory.
We would love to stay and help, shouted Ford, picking his way over the mangled debris, only we’re not going to.
The party lurched again, provoking feverish cries and groans from amongst the smoking wreckage.
We have to go and save the Universe, you see, said Ford. And if that sounds like a pretty lame excuse, then you may be right. Either way, we’re off.
He suddenly came across an unopened bottle lying, miraculously unbroken, on the ground.
Do you mind if we take this? he said. You won’t be needing it.
He took a packet of potato crisps too.

多年以来，许多人来到了这个派对。许多来自外星的、衣着光鲜的不速之客。人们偶尔朝脚下的世界看上两眼，就会看见萧索的城市，荒芜的鳄梨树林，萎败的葡萄园，广袤的新生的沙漠，布满饼干渣和更糟的东西的海面——他们的星球正发生着小小的转变，大概是比以前差了点儿。有的人就会想：不知大家能否保持足够的清醒，最好能给大楼加上星际旅行功能，也许就能搬到别的星球上去，那样空气就会好些，大家脑袋也不会那么疼了。
地面上，为数不多的农民正陷于饥荒状态。他们靠着贫瘠的土地勉强过活，听到以上消息，无比欣慰。可是有一天，那派对从云层中呼啸而来，农民们抬起头，想到又一次奶酪和酒的抢劫又要来临，顿时惊恐万分。很明显，派对暂时哪儿也不会去，而且，派对很快就会结束了。很快，人们就可以戴上帽子，穿上外套，醉醺醺步出大楼，看看今天是什么日子，今年是哪年，在这片破败荒芜的土地上有没有出租车可以搭。
派对被一艘诡异的白色飞船包围了。那飞船一半都嵌进了大楼里。飞船和大楼一起，在天上摇摇摆摆、晃晃悠悠，组成一幅怪诞的画面。云开雾散，风也咆哮着吹走了。大楼和版求战船还在挣扎着、扑腾着，就像两只鸭子。第一只鸭子想在第二只鸭子体内弄出第三只鸭子，但第二只鸭子力图解释它还没准备好接受第三只鸭子，尤其不想接受这第一只鸭子想要的那第三只鸭子，更不想让它在自己体被出现。因为，第二只鸭子正忙着飞行呢。
空中传来一阵阵可怕的巨响，一股冲击波直冲大地，震撼四方。
突然，版求飞船“呼”的一声不见了。
派对大楼在空中跌跌撞撞，像不小心靠在一扇虚掩的门上一样。头晕眼花，胡冲乱撞，想往东却往西走，甚至还晕乎乎地倒着飞。
大楼晕乎了很久，当然，不会太久。此时的派对，已经遭到严重破坏。欢乐不复存在，大楼现在连单腿旋转也转不来了。
在天上呆得越久，最后一定跌得越重。
室内的情况同样糟糕。人们的状态相当不好。许多人恨得咬牙切齿，破口大骂，骂那些版求机器人。它们夺走了“在连续剧剧本中‘操’这个单词最为无缘无故的用法奖”的奖品。放奖品的地方，现在已是一片狼藉。阿瑟十分难过，就像只得了若利杯的亚军似的。
“我们很想留下来帮忙，”福特一边从满地破烂里钻出来，一边叫道，“但我们不会的。”
大楼又抖了一下，废墟中哭喊、呻吟响成一片。
“瞧，我们得去拯救宇宙了。”福特道，“没错，这是个很烂的借口……总之，我们得走了。”
突然，他看见地上有瓶酒，没开过，而且奇迹般地，没有碎。
“我能拿走吗？你们已经不需要啦。”
他顺手又拿了一袋薯片。