经典科幻文学:《生命 宇宙及一切》第9章2

My name, said the mattress, is Zem. We could discuss the weather a little.
Marvin paused again in his weary circular plod.
The dew, he observed, has clearly fallen with a particularly sickening thud this morning.
He resumed his walk, as if inspired by this conversational outburst to fresh heights of gloom and despondency. He plodded tenaciously. If he had had teeth he would have gritted them at this point. He hadn’t. He didn’t. The mere plod said it all.
The mattress flolloped around. This is a thing that only live mattresses in swamps are able to do, which is why the word is not in more common usage. It flolloped in a sympathetic sort of way, moving a fairish body of water as it did so. It blew a few bubbles up through the water engagingly. Its blue and white stripes glistened briefly in a sudden feeble ray of sun that had unexpectedly made it through the mist, causing the creature to bask momentarily.
Marvin plodded.
You have something on your mind, I think, said the mattress floopily.
More than you can possibly imagine, dreaded Marvin. My capacity for mental activity of all kinds is as boundless as the infinite reaches of space itself. Except of course for my capacity for happiness.
Stomp, stomp, he went.
My capacity for happiness, he added, you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first.
The mattress globbered. This is the noise made by a live, swamp-dwelling mattress that is deeply moved by a story of personal tragedy. The word can also, according to The Ultra-Complete MaxiMegalon Dictionary of Every Language Ever, mean the noise made by the Lord High Sanvalvwag of Hollop on discovering that he has forgotten his wife’s birthday for the second year running. Since there was only ever one Lord High Sanvalvwag of Hollop, and he never married, the word is only ever used in a negative or speculative sense, and there is an ever-increasing body of opinion which holds that The Ultra-Complete MaxiMegalon Dictionary is not worth the fleet of lorries it takes to cart its microstored edition around in. Strangely enough, the dictionary omits the word “floopily”, which simply means “in the manner of something which is floopy”.
The mattress globbered again.
I sense a deep dejection in your diodes, it vollued (for the meaning of the word “vollue”, buy a copy of Squornshellous Swamptalk at any remaindered bookshop, or alternatively buy The Ultra-Complete MaxiMegalon Dictionary, as the University will be very glad to get it off their hands and regain some valuable parking lots), and it saddens me. You should be more mattresslike. We live quiet retired lives in the swamp, where we are content to flollop and vollue and regard the wetness in a fairly floopy manner. Some of us are killed, but all of us are called Zem, so we never know which and globbering is thus kept to a minimum. Why are you walking in circles?
Because my leg is stuck, said Marvin simply.
It seems to me, said the mattress eyeing it compassionately, that it is a pretty poor sort of leg.
You are right, said Marvin, it is.

“我的名字，”床垫说，“叫赞姆。咱们可以谈谈天气。”
马文再次从他的小圈里停下来。
“露水……”他评论道，“今天早上掉下来的声音真是恶心，”
他继续转圈，似乎因为刚才那次谈话所爆发出的、全新高度的忧郁和沮丧而大受鼓舞。他拖着沉重的步子。如果他有牙齿的话，现在定会咬牙切齿。他没有。他就没咬。不过那种步子已经说明了一切。
那张床垫在一边湃打着。这个动作只有沼泽里的活床垫才做得出来，因此这个词并不常见。它很同情地湃打着，摆动它水汪汪的漂亮的身体。它在水里吹了一串可爱的泡泡。它身上那些蓝白条纹，恰好被一缕突然之间穿过浓雾的、微弱的阳光照到，一瞬间光芒闪耀。这个生物感到通体舒畅。
马文还是拖着步子。
“你肯定在想着什么，我觉得。”床垫凇软地说。
“比你想象的多多了。”马文阴郁地说，“我的脑子在各方面的性能，和无垠的太空一样强大。当然，我的快乐能力除外。”
咚，咚。他拖着步子。
“我的快乐能力，”他接着说，“小得可以装进火柴盒。而且你不必把火柴取出来。”
床垫沾乎了一声。这是一种特殊的声音，是当一张居于沼泽的活床垫、听到一段惨痛的个人经历之后，深受触动而发出的声音。此词亦见于《史上超全极巨无敌所有语言词典》，也被解释为一种特殊的声音，是当豁落普星之王——高森瓦尔沃格大帝发现自己第二年依然忘了老婆生日时发出的声音。由于迄今为止只有一位豁落普星之王——高森瓦尔沃格大帝，而他没结过婚，所以这个词只用于否定或推测义。同时，越来越多的人觉得，《史上超全极巨无敌所有语言词典》这本书，根本不值得动用那么庞大的运输车队把它的袖珍版拉进门。最奇怪的是，这本词典未曾收录“凇软地”这个词，其意为“表现得凇软”。
床垫又沾乎了一声。
“我感觉到你二极管深处的颓丧，”它流淡道（要了解这个词的意思嘛，你可以在任何一家减价书店买份《斯科谢勒斯Ζ星沼泽谈》，也可以选择买《史上超全极巨无敌所有语言词典》——那所大学会很高兴将它脱手的，这样他们就能重获好多车位了），“这令我很难过。你应该更加床垫化。我们在沼泽里过着清静的退休生活，我们可以湃打，可以流淡，可以以凇软的心态面对潮湿。有些床垫会被杀死，但我们都叫做赞姆，所以我们从不知道是谁死了，因此能够尽量不沾乎太多。你为什么一直转圈？”
“因为我的腿卡住了。”马文简短地说。
“我觉得，”床垫向他投去怜悯的目光，“这腿真是好可怜。”
“你说对了。”马文说，“它是的。”