经典科幻文学:《生命 宇宙及一切》第14章2

Two grillion, m’lud. The Clerk sat down. A hydrospectic photo of him at this point would have revealed that he was steaming slightly.
Judiciary Pag gazed once more around the courtroom, wherein were assembled hundreds of the very highest officials of the entire Galactic administration, all in their ceremonial uniforms or bodies, depending on metabolism and custom. Behind a wall of Zap-Proof Crystal stood a representative group of the people of Krikkit, looking with calm, polite loathing at all the aliens gathered to pass judgment on them. This was the most momentous occasion in legal history, and Judiciary Pag knew it.
He took out his chewing gum and stuck it under his chair.
That’s a whole lotta stiffs, he said quietly.
The grim silence in the courtroom seemed in accord with this view.
So, like I said, these are a bunch of really sweet guys, but you wouldn’t want to share a Galaxy with them, not if they’re just gonna keep at it, not if they’re not gonna learn to relax a little. I mean it’s just gonna be continual nervous time, isn’t it, right? Pow, pow, pow, when are they next coming at us? Peaceful coexistence is just right out, right? Get me some water somebody, thank you.
He sat back and sipped reflectively.
OK, he said, hear me, hear me. It’s, like, these guys, you know, are entitled to their own view of the Universe. And according to their view, which the Universe forced on them, right, they did right. Sounds crazy, but I think you’ll agree. They believe in…
He consulted a piece of paper which he found in the back pocket of his Judicial jeans.
They believe in “peace, justice, morality, culture, sport, family life, and the obliteration of all other life forms”.
He shrugged.
I’ve heard a lot worse, he said.
He scratched his crotch reflectively.
Freeeow, he said. He took another sip of water, then held it up to the light and frowned at it. He twisted it round.
Hey, is there something in this water? he said.
Er, no, m’lud, said the Court Usher who had brought it to him, rather nervously.
Then take it away, snapped Judiciary Pag, and put something in it. I got an idea.
He pushed away the glass and leaned forward.
Hear me, hear me, he said.
The solution was brilliant, and went like this:
The planet of Krikkit was to be enclosed for perpetuity in an envelope of Slo-Time, inside which life would continue almost infinitely slowly. All light would be deflected round the envelope so that it would remain invisible and impenetrable. Escape from the envelope would be utterly impossible unless it were locked from the outside.
When the rest of the Universe came to its final end, when the whole of creation reached its dying fall (this was all, of course, in the days before it was known that the end of the Universe would be a spectacular catering venture) and life and matter ceased to exist, then the planet of Krikkit and its sun would emerge from its Slo-Time envelope and continue a solitary existence, such as it craved, in the twilight of the Universal void.
The Lock would be on an asteroid which would slowly orbit the envelope.
The key would be the symbol of the Galaxy the Wikkit Gate.
By the time the applause in the court had died down, Judiciary Pag was already in the Sens-O-Shower with a rather nice member of the jury that he’d slipped a note to half an hour earlier.

“两考兆，法官大人。”书记坐了下来。此时如果看他的水象图照片，就能发现他头上正冒着蒸汽呢。
帕格法官再次环视法庭。几百位银河系最高领导聚集于此，身着正式服装或躯体——取决于其新陈代谢方式及习俗。在一面防弹玻璃后面，站着几位版求人代表。他们安静而礼貌地看着、恨着面前这些正在审判他们的外星人。帕格法官知道，这是法律史上至关重要的一刻。
他吐出口香糖，把它粘到椅子下面。
“真够白痴的。”他自言自语道。
法庭里可怕的沉默，烘托着此时的气氛。
“所以啊，我说过，他们是一群挺好的家伙，但你不会太想跟他们呆在一个星系的。就算他们肯也不行，就算他们学会放轻松也不行。我是说，那会很吓人的。是吧？嗯？砰！砰！砰！他们下一步还会做什么呢？和平共处根本不可能，是吧？谁给我杯水？谢谢。”
他靠回椅子，若有所思地呷了一口。
“OK。”他说，“听着听着。是这样的，这些家伙，你们知道，都是为了他们的宇宙观。就他们那宇宙观——认为宇宙在逼他们——来说，是吧？他们做的是对的。听着很疯狂，但我想你们会同意的。他们信仰的是……”
他从法官牛仔裤口袋里掏出一张纸，看了看。
“他们信仰的是‘和平、正义、道德、文化、体育、家庭生活，以及灭绝其他所有生命形式。”
他耸耸肩。
“我还听过更烂的呢。”他说。
他若有所思地挠挠胯部。
“自由噢！！！”他说。他又呷了一口水，把那杯水对着灯光举起来，眯着眼看了看。他把水摇了摇。
“嘿，水里是不是有什么东西？”他问。
“呃，没有，法官大人。”传达员相当紧张地答道。
“那就拿去，”帕格法官不耐烦地说，“放点东西。我有主意了。”
他把水杯推开，身体前倾。
“听着，听着。”他说。
判决十分完美。内容如下：
版求行星，将被永远地封在缓时封皮之内。封皮里的生命速度将无限放慢。封皮周围的一切光线都会被扭曲。因此，它是看不见的，也无法穿透。逃出封皮几乎不可能，除非从外面打开。
当外面的整个宇宙走向终结，当所有生物走向衰亡之时，版求星和它的恒星才会从缓时封皮里放出来，继续正常的生活——正如他们所愿，生活在宇宙的末日。当然，当时人们还没有认识到，宇宙尽头其实非常壮丽、大有可观。
封皮的锁，则置于一颗小行星上，缓慢地绕着封皮运转。
钥匙则是银河系的象征——叁柱门。
法庭上的掌声尚未停歇，帕格法官已经在自动感应浴室里了，正和他半小时前递了纸条的那个美人陪审员一起洗澡呢。