经典科幻文学:《生命 宇宙及一切》第11章2

As far as I can tell I’m not an expert in personal relationships
Trillian raised her eyebrows.
I am, he added, one hell of a guy, I can do anything I want only I just don’t have the faintest idea what.
He paused.
One thing, he further added, has suddenly ceased to lead to another in contradiction of which he had another drink and slid gracelessly off his chair.
Whilst he slept it off, Trillian did a little research in the ship’s copy of The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. It had some advice to offer on drunkenness.
Go to it, it said, and good luck.
It was cross-referenced to the entry concerning the size of the Universe and ways of coping with that.
Then she found the entry on Han Wavel, an exotic holiday planet, and one of the wonders of the Galaxy.
Han Wavel is a world which consists largely of fabulous ultraluxury hotels and casinos, all of which have been formed by the natural erosion of wind and rain. The chances of this happening are more or less one to infinity against. Little is known of how this came about because none of the geophysicists, probability statisticians, meteoranalysts or bizzarrologists who are so keen to research it can afford to stay there.
Terrific, thought Trillian to herself, and within a few hours the great white running-shoe ship was slowly powering down out of the sky beneath a hot brilliant sun towards a brightly coloured sandy spaceport. The ship was clearly causing a sensation on the ground, and Trillian was enjoying herself. She heard Zaphod moving around and whistling somewhere in the ship.
How are you? she said over the general intercom.
Fine, he said brightly, terribly well.
Where are you?
In the bathroom.
What are you doing?
Staying here.
After an hour or two it became plain that he meant it and the ship returned to the sky without having once opened its hatchway.
Heigh ho, said Eddie the Computer.
Trillian nodded patiently, tapped her fingers a couple of times and pushed the intercom switch.
I think that enforced fun is probably not what you need at this point.
Probably not, replied Zaphod from wherever he was.
I think a bit of physical challenge would help draw you out of yourself.
Whatever you think, I think, said Zaphod.
“Recreational Impossibilities” was a heading which caught Trillian’s eye when, a short while later, she sat down to flip through the Guide again, and as the Heart of Gold rushed at improbable speeds in an indeterminate direction, she sipped a cup of something undrinkable from the Nutrimatic Drink Dispenser and read about how to fly.
The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of flying.
There is an art, it says, or rather a knack to flying.
The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Pick a nice day, it suggests, and try it.
The first part is easy.

“就我所知，我对人际关系可不在行。”
崔莉安扬起眉毛。
“我是个，”他接着说，“特别行的人，我什么都能干，就是不太知道要干什么。”
他停了一下。
“做这个，”他又加了一句，“却偏偏搞成了那个。”如其所言，他又喝了一口，然后很没形象地滑下了椅子。
赞福德睡觉时，崔莉安在飞船里找《银河系漫游指南》，那上面有关于醉酒的建议。
“醉去吧。”那上面说，“祝你好运。”
这一条下面的参考资料，点进去是关于宇宙大小的思考，以及如何对付这个问题。
然后，她看见关于汉威沃的介绍，那是一颗异域风情的度假行星，银河系中的一大奇景。
汉威沃是个充斥着超豪华酒店和大赌场的世界，并且，它们都是由自然风化和水蚀形成的。这种事发生的可能性，接近一比无限。关于这一现象人们所知甚少，原因是那些渴望研究它的地物理学家、概率统计学家、气象分析学家和古怪现象学家，都付不起那儿的费用。
真厉害。崔莉安心想。于是，几小时之后，这艘白色大跑鞋形状的飞船从天上轻盈地降落，披着灿烂的阳光，飞向闪闪发光的沙滩停船场。这艘飞船显然引起了地面的一阵骚动，崔莉安颇为得意。她听见赞福德在飞船的什么地方活动着，还吹着口哨。
“你好吗？”她用对讲机讲道。
“很好，”他轻快地说，“超好。”
“你在哪？”
“浴室。”
“你在干嘛？”
“呆着。”
一两个小时过去，开始变得无聊了——如他所愿。于是飞船重返天空，连舱门都不曾开过。
“嘿哟。”电脑“艾迪”说。
崔莉安忍耐地点点头，手指敲着键盘，按了一下对讲机。
“我想，也许强制的玩乐不是你所需要的。”
“也许吧。”赞福德不知从什么地方答道。
“我想，可能一点物理方法的鼓励会使你重新振作。”
“你想什么我都同意。”赞福德说。
“不可能之娱乐”这一标题，吸引了崔莉安的目光。过了一会儿，她便坐下来继续翻查《指南》。黄金之心正以难以置信的速度，漫无目的地飞着。她从自动营养饮品配制机里，接了一杯难喝的玩意儿，抿了一口，开始读怎样飞行。
《银河系漫游指南》是这样讲飞行的。
飞行是有方法的，或者说有诀窍的。
诀窍就在于，你得学会把自己朝地上抛去，然后不碰到地上。
挑个晴朗的日子，它建议道，试试吧。
第一步很容易。