经典科幻文学:《生命 宇宙及一切》第22章(5)

Later, I was thrown off a spaceship. Still in my dressing gown. Rather than the space suit one would normally expect. Shortly after that I discovered that my planet had originally been built for a bunch of mice. You can imagine how I felt about that. I was then shot at for a while and blown up. In fact I have been blown up ridiculously often, shot at, insulted, regularly disintegrated, deprived of tea, and recently I crashed into a swamp and had to spend five years in a damp cave.
Ah, effervesced the little man, and did you have a wonderful time?
Arthur started to choke violently on his drink.
What a wonderful exciting cough, said the little man, quite startled by it, do you mind if I join you?
And with that he launched into the most extraordinary and spectacular fit of coughing which caught Arthur so much by surprise that he started to choke violently, discovered he was already doing it and got thoroughly confused.
Together they performed a lung-busting duet which went on for fully two minutes before Arthur managed to cough and splutter to a halt.
So invigorating, said the little man, panting and wiping tears from his eyes. What an exciting life you must lead. Thank you very much.
He shook Arthur warmly by the hand and walked off into the crowd. Arthur shook his head in astonishment.
A youngish-looking man came up to him, an aggressive-looking type with a hook mouth, a lantern nose, and small beady little cheekbones. He was wearing black trousers, a black silk shirt open to what was presumably his navel, though Arthur had learnt never to make assumptions about the anatomies of the sort of people he tended to meet these days, and had all sorts of nasty dangly gold things hanging round his neck. He carried something in a black bag, and clearly wanted people to notice that he didn’t want them to notice it.
Hey, er, did I hear you say your name just now? he said.
This was one of the many things that Arthur had told the enthusiastic little man.
Yes, it’s Arthur Dent.
The man seemed to be dancing slightly to some rhythm other than any of the several that the band were grimly pushing out.
Yeah, he said, only there was a man in a mountain wanted to see you.
I met him.
Yeah, only he seemed pretty anxious about it, you know.
Yes, I met him.
Yeah, well I think you should know that.
I do. I met him.

“之后，我被人从飞船上扔了下去，还是穿着睡袍。而不是——通常认为的宇航服。不久，我发现自己的星球其实是耗子造的，你可以想见，我对此作何感想。然后，我又被人打了，又炸飞了。其实挺滑稽的，我经常被炸飞，被侮辱，崩溃，没茶喝。前不久我还掉到一片沼泽里，在破山洞里住了五年。”
“啊，”小个子兴趣盎然，“你过得很开心吧？”
阿瑟正在喝酒，狠狠地呛住了。
“咳得真精彩啊！”小个子大吃一惊，道，“我能加入吗？”
于是，小个子大咳特咳起来，阿瑟惊诧万分，正要呛的时候，发现自己已经在呛了，于是有点无所适从。
两人“合奏”了整整两分钟的“撕心裂肺二重奏”，终于，阿瑟打了一个嗝，停住了。
“多么催人奋进！”小个子气喘吁吁，抹着眼泪，“你的生活多么精彩啊！非常感谢！”
他热情地握了握阿瑟的手，便消失在人群中。阿瑟摇摇头，感到不可思议。
一个看上去挺年轻的家伙朝阿瑟走来，外表颇具攻击性——钩状的嘴，灯笼状的裤子，小珠子一样的颧骨。他身着黑裤子、黑色丝绸衬衫，衬衫敞开的部位疑似肚脐（不过，阿瑟现在已经知道，不要对任何人的生理结构进行随意的揣测），脖子上还有好多晃晃悠悠的奇怪金色玩意儿。他有个黑色的包，并且，很显然，他希望别人注意到他不希望人们注意到这个。
“嘿！嗯，我刚才听你说起你的名字？”他问。
阿瑟对那个小个子说过很多事，名字的确为其中之一。
“是的，阿瑟·邓特。”
那人跳起舞来，虽然与乐队那半死不活的伴奏完全不合拍。
“对，”他说，“只是山里有个人想见你。”
“我见过他了。”
“对，只是他好象急着要见你。你懂吧。”
“是的，我见过他了。”

“对，只是想让你知道。”
“我知道了。我见过他。”