英语搞笑冷笑话7则
英语搞笑冷笑话：
A teacher was always so involved in the text being studied that he never looked up. He would call on a student for translation and explanation, and-without realizing it-he often chose the same student day after day. Out of respect, the student wouldn't point this out to him.
After being called on four days in a row, a student named Goldberg asked advice from his friends. The next day when the teacher said Goldberg, translate and explain, Goldberg replied, Goldberg is absent today .
All right, said the teacher. YOU translate and explain.
一位老师对所讲课文总是非常投入，从不抬头。他常让一个学生来翻译和解释，并且----不自觉地----他常日复一日地叫同一个学生。出于尊敬，学生并不给他指出这一点。
一个叫古德伯格的学生，在被一连叫了四天之后，向他的朋友寻求建议。第二天，这位教师又说：古德伯格，翻译并解释。古德伯格回答说：古德伯格今天缺席。
那好吧，教师说，那就你来翻译并解释。
英语搞笑冷笑话：Tolerance
Goethe was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him. Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said, I'll never make way for a fool. But I will, with that Goethe retreated aside.
歌德的容忍
一次，歌德正在魏玛一个公园的一条狭窄小道上散步。碰巧他遇见一个对他怀有敌意的评论家。两人都停了下来，彼此相互对视。接着评论家说道：我从来不给傻瓜让路。 可我给。说完歌德退到了一边。
英语搞笑冷笑话：Clean Glass
Joe and Fred were helping to build a house in a village. The weather was very warm, there was a lot of dust everywhere, and by half past twelve, they were very thirsty, so they stopped work to have their lunch. They found the nearest small bar, went in and sat down with their sandwiches.
Good afternoon, gentlemen. What can I get you? the man behind the bar asked.
Joe looked at Fred and said, Beer, I think. Yes, a pint of beer each. Is that all right for you, Fred?
Yes, that's all right. Fred said. Then he turned to the man behind the bar and said, And I want it in a clean glass! Don't forget that.
The man behind the bar filled the glasses and brought them to Joe and Fred. Then he said. Which of you asked for the clean glass?
干净的杯子
乔和佛瑞德在一个村子里帮忙盖一间房子。天气很暖和，到处都有许多灰尘。12点半的时候，他们觉得非常口渴，便停下来去吃午饭了。他们找到最近的一家酒吧，走进去坐下吃他们的三文治。
下午好，先生。你们想要点什么?柜台后面的伺应问道。
乔看了看佛瑞德说：我想，啤酒吧。对了，每人一品脱啤酒。这样可以吗，佛瑞德?
好的，可以。佛瑞德说。然后他转过去跟柜台后面的伺应说：我要啤酒装在一个干净的杯子里!别忘了。
柜台后面的伺应倒满杯子后，拿给乔和佛瑞德，接着说：刚才哪一位要干净的杯子的?
英语搞笑冷笑话：
A wealthy old lady who lived near t used to send him presents occasionally by her t took her presents but never gave the boy anything for his day as Swift was busy with his writing， the boy rushed into his room， knocked some books out of their place， threw his parcelon the desk and said， my mistress has sent you two of herrab bits.
Swift turned round and said，My boy， that is not the way to deliver your ， you sit in my chair，watch my way of doing it and learn your lesson.
The boy sat down. Swift went out， knocked on his door and waited. The boy saidCome in. The doctor entered，walked to his desk and said，If you please sir， my mistress sends her kind regards and hopes you will accept these rabbits which her son shot this morning in her fields.
The boy answered，Thank you， my boy， Give your mistress and her son my thanks for their kindness and here is two shillings for yourself.
The Doctor laughed， and after that， Swift never forgot to give the boy his tip.
斯威夫特博士与小厮
在斯威夫特博士家附近，有一位富有的老妇人，她时常打发仆人给他送礼物。斯威夫特博士接受她的礼物，但从不给小厮任何酬谢。一天，斯威夫特博士正忙着写东西，小厮冲进了他的房间，把书一扒拉，将一个包裹扔在书桌上，说道：我的女主人送给你两只兔子。
斯威夫特转过身来说：孩子，包裹可不是这样送法呀。现在，你坐在我的椅子上，看看我是怎么送的，并要记取这个教训。
小厮坐了下来，斯威夫特走出去，敲了敲门，等待回音。小厮说进来。博士进了门，走到桌旁说道：先生，我的女主人向您致以亲切的问候，并希望您收下这些兔子，这是她儿子今天早晨在地里打的。
小厮回答说：谢谢你，我的孩子。向你的女主人和她的儿子致谢，谢谢他们的关心。这两个先令是送给你本人的。
博士笑了，打那以后，斯威夫特从没忘记送小费给小厮。英语搞笑冷笑话：两块蛋糕
英语搞笑冷笑话：Two Pieces of Cake
Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?
Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!
两块蛋糕
汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗?
妈妈：当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧!
英语搞笑冷笑话：I do not recognize you
Walking on the beach one day he saw a crab1, went to see what happens, suddenly crab pincers(钳子) folder2, then crab bush run. Tiger jumped the pain, followed by the recovery of crabs3!
Catch up with no trees on the crab, and then to see a tiger in Shou Network spiders, tiger angry at Spider: Good you a crab! Do you think you posted on the Web and I do not recognize you!
一天老虎在沙滩散步，见到一只螃蟹，就走过去想看个究竟，突然被螃蟹的钳子夹了一下，螃蟹拔腿就往树丛里跑。老虎痛得跳起来了，紧接着就追螃蟹!
追到树丛就不见螃蟹了，这时老虎看见一只守在大网中的蜘蛛，老虎对着蜘蛛发火了：好你个螃蟹!你以为你上了网我就不认得你了!
英语搞笑冷笑话：A Smart Parrot 聪明的鹦鹉
A curious guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings1. "Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.
"And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires.
"I fall off my perch2 you fool!!" screeches3 the parrot.
有个人去宠物店买鹦鹉。在那里，他看见有只鹦鹉的左腿被红线系住，右腿则被绿线系住。对此他感到不解，于是他问该店的老板，老板回答说：“这只鹦鹉受过特殊的训练。如果拉红线，它就讲法语，拉绿线，它则讲德语。”
这个好奇的人接着问，“要是我两条线都拉，会怎么样呢?”
“我就会掉下来了，你这个傻瓜!!”鹦鹉尖叫着说。
