经典科幻文学:《宇宙尽头的餐馆》第24章2

“Ah, hello, Number Two,” said the Captain, waving a cheery sponge, “having a nice day?”
Number Two snapped even further to attention than he already was.
“I have brought you the prisoners I located in freezer bay seven, sir!” he yapped.
Ford and Arthur coughed in confusion.
“Er… hello,” they said.
The Captain beamed at them. So Number Two had really found some prisoners. Well, good for him, thought the Captain, nice to see a chap doing what he’s best at.
“Oh, hello there,” he said to them, “Excuse me not getting up, having a quick bath. Well, jynnan tonnyx all round then. Look in the fridge Number one.”
“Certainly sir.”
It is a curious fact, and one to which no one knows quite how much importance to attach, that something like 85% of all known worlds in the Galaxy, be they primitive or highly advanced, have invented a drink called jynnan tonnyx, or gee-N’N-T’N-ix, or jinond-o-nicks, or any one of a thousand or more variations on the same phonetic theme. The drinks themselves are not the same, and vary between the Sivolvian “chinanto/mnigs” which is ordinary water server at slightly above room temperature, and the Gagrakackan “tzjin-anthony-ks” which kills cows at a hundred paces; and in fact the one common factor between all of them, beyond the fact that the names sound the same, is that they were all invented and named before the worlds concerned made contact with any other worlds.
What can be made of this fact? It exists in total isolation. As far as any theory of structural linguistics is concerned it is right off the graph, and yet it persists. Old structural linguists get very angry when young structural linguists go on about it. Young structural linguists get deeply excited about it and stay up late at night convinced that they are very close to something of profound importance, and end up becoming old structural linguists before their time, getting very angry with the young ones. Structural linguistics is a bitterly divided and unhappy discipline, and a large number of its practitioners spend too many nights drowning their problems in Ouisghian Zodahs.
Number Two stood before the Captain’s bathtub trembling with frustration.
“Don’t you want to interrogate the prisoners sir?” he squealed.
The Captain peered at him in bemusement.
“Why on Golgafrincham should I want to do that?” he asked.
“To get information out of them, sir! To find out why they came here!”
“Oh no, no, no,” said the Captain, “I expect they just dropped in for a quick jynnan tonnyx, don’t you?”
“But sir, they’re my prisoners! I must interrogate them!”
The Captain looked at them doubtfully.

“哦，你好，二号，”舰长招呼道，欢快地舞动着一块海绵，“今天过得好吗，”
本来已经立正的二号居然“叭”的一声，进一步立正。
“我已经把我在七号冷冻舱发现的两个犯人押送过来了，长官！”他呱呱地说。
福特和阿瑟慌乱地咳嗽了几声，
“嗯……你好。”他们说。
舰长瞧着他们，这么说二号还真发现了两个犯人。好吧，算他行，舰长想，看到一个下属在干他最擅长的工作毕竟是件好事。
“嗅，你们好。”他对他们说，”请原谅我不站起来了。只是简单地搓把澡。现在，先给在座的诸位来点儿基南汤力克斯。一号，冰箱里找找。”
“是，长官。”
有一个没有人知道意义多么重大的奇妙事实，即银河系巳知世界中的百分之八十五，无论处于原始还是高度发达阶段，都发明了一种饮料，叫做基南汤力克斯，或者基恩提克斯，或者基诺德尼克斯，或者这一相同的语音主题的上千个甚至更多的变化中的一种：饮料本身并不相同，可以从希沃维安的“基南托尼格斯”，一种端上来时温度只比室温略高的普通水，一直变化到伽古拉卡卡的“基恩安东尼克斯”，一种可以把母牛炸成上百块碎片的玩意儿。事实上，所有这些饮料之间惟一的共同点是（除开它们的名字听起来很接近以外），它们都是在自己的世界与其他任何世界发生联系之前被发明和命名的。
这一事实说明了什么？完全孤立的各个世界居然出现了读音相近的饮料。这不符合结构语言学中的任何理论，但它居然出现了。老一辈结构语言学家对于年轻的结构语言学家介入这一课题感到非常愤怒。年轻的结构语言学家则对这个问题感到非常兴奋，他们通宵达旦地研究，确信自己已经非常接近一些极端重要的东西了，直到最后他们也变成了老一辈的结构语言学家，对年轻人感到非常愤怒。结构浯言学是一门苦苦挣扎在分裂和不幸中的学科，它的大批从业者最后只能以“伊安托力格斯”排遣自己的愁闷。
二号站在舰长的浴缸前，因为遭受了挫败而颤抖着。
“难道你不打算审问这些犯人吗，长官，”他大叫着抗议道。
舰长困惑地盯着他。
“看在高尔伽弗林查姆的份儿上，我为什么该这么做呢，”他问。
“从他们嘴里获取情报啊，长官！搞清楚他们为什么来这儿！”
“噢，不，不，不，”舰长说，“我想他们拜访这里的原因一定是为了来上一杯基南汤力克斯，是吗，先生们？”
“可是，长官，他们是我的犯人！我必须审问他们！”
舰长不太确定地望着他们。