经典科幻文学:《宇宙尽头的餐馆》第2章3

Within a few seconds the face of Gag Halfrunt appeared on the screen, smiling the smile of a man who knew he was ten light years away from the Vogon face he was looking at. Mixed up somewhere in the smile was a glint of irony too. Though the Vogon persistently referred to him as “my private brain care specialist” there was not a lot of brain to take care of, and it was in fact Halfrunt who was employing the Vogon. He was paying him an awful lot of money to do some very dirty work. As one of the Galaxy’s most prominent and successful psychiatrists, he and a consortium of his colleagues were quite prepared to spend an awful lot of money when it seemed that the entire future of psychiatry might be at stake.
“Well,” he said, “hello my Captain of Vogons Prostetnic, and how are we feeling today?”
The Vogon captain told him that in the last few hours he had wiped out nearly half his crew in a disciplinary exercise.
Halfrunt’s smile did not flicker for an instant.
“Well,” he said, “I think this is perfectly normal behaviour for a Vogon, you know? The natural and healthy channelling of the aggressive instincts into acts of senseless violence.”
“That,” rumbled the Vogon, “is what you always say.”
“Well again,” said Halfrunt, “I think that this is perfectly normal behaviour for a psychiatrist. Good. We are clearly both very well adjusted in our mental attitudes today. Now tell me, what news of the mission?”
“We have located the ship.”
“Wonderful,” said Halfrunt, “wonderful! and the occupants?”
“The Earthman is there.”
“Excellent! And…?”
“A female from the same planet. They are the last.”
“Good, good,” beamed Halfrunt, “Who else?”
“The man Prefect.”
“Yes?”

几秒钟之内，伽葛·哈尔佛兰特的脸出现在屏幕上。这张脸上的笑容表明，他完全清楚自己和面前的这张沃贡人的脸之间隔了整整十光年。混合在这笑容里的，还有那么一丝嘲讽。这个沃贡人坚持把他称为“我的私人脑保健医师”，其实并没有多少脑子需要他来照看。实际上，是哈尔佛兰特雇用了这个沃贡人。他付给他一大笔钱，让他去干一件非常肮脏的工作。作为银河系中最杰出、最成功的精神病医生，在精神病学的整个前途看上去危机重重的时刻，他和由他的同事们所组成的协会当然很愿意破费一大笔钱。
“嗨，”他说，“我的沃贡舰长，咱们今天感觉如何？”
沃贡舰长告诉他，在过去的几个小时里，自己在一次纪律训练中干掉了几乎一半船员。
哈尔佛兰特的笑容甚至没有丝毫改变。
“哦，”他说，“我认为，对一个沃贡人来说，这种举动再正常不过了。既出于天性，也是一种保持身体健康的宣泄，将体内的攻击本能转化为毫无意义的暴力行为。”
“又是这句话，”沃贡人嘟哝道，“你总是这么说。”
“是的，”哈尔佛兰特说，“我认为，对一个精神病医生来说，这种举动同样再正常不过了。好吧，咱们显然已经把今天的精神状态调整好了。现在告诉我，任务有什么新进展吗？”
“我们已经找到了那艘飞船。”
“很好，”哈尔佛兰特说，“很好！里面的人呢？”
“那个地球人在里面。”
“好极了！还有呢？”
“还有一个女人，来自同一颗星球。他们是仅存的两个。”
“好的，好的，”哈尔佛兰特微笑着说，“其他还有些什么人？”
“那个叫做长官的。”
“嗯？”