经典科幻文学:《宇宙尽头的餐馆》第32章3

“Alright,” said Ford, “let’s see how you are doing.” He plonked himself down on the ground to see how long he could keep his temper.
The Captain made a sort of conciliatory harrumphing noise.
“I would like to call to order,” he said pleasantly, “the five hundred and seventy-third meeting of the colonization committee of Fintlewoodlewix…”
Ten seconds, thought Ford as he leapt to his feet again.
“This is futile,” he exclaimed, “five hundred and seventy-three committee meetings and you haven’t even discovered fire yet!”
“If you would care,” said the girl with the strident voice, “to examine the agenda sheet…”
“Agenda rock,” trilled the hairdresser happily.
“Thank you, I’ve made that point,” muttered Ford.
“… you… will… see…” continued the girl firmly, “that we are having a report from the hairdressers’ Fire Development Sub-Committee today.”
“Oh… ah –“ said the hairdresser with a sheepish look which is recognized the whole Galaxy over as meaning “Er, will next Tuesday do?”
“Alright,” said Ford, rounding on him, “what have you done? What are you going to do? What are your thoughts on fire development?”
“Well I don’t know,” said the hairdresser, “All they gave me was a couple of sticks…”
“So what have you done with them?”
Nervously, the hairdresser fished in his track suit top and handed over the fruits of his labour to Ford.
Ford held them up for all to see.
“Curling tongs,” he said.
The crowd applauded.
“Never mind,” said Ford, “Rome wasn’t burnt in a day.”
The crowd hadn’t the faintest idea what he was talking about, but they loved it nevertheless. They applauded.
“Well, you’re obviously being totally naive of course,” said the girl, “When you’ve been in marketing as long as I have you’ll know that before any new product can be developed it has to be properly researched. We’ve got to find out what people want from fire, how they relate to it, what sort of image it has for them.”
The crowd were tense. They were expecting something wonderful from Ford.
“Stick it up your nose,” he said.
“Which is precisely the sort of thing we need to know,” insisted the girl, “Do people want fire that can be applied nasally?”
“Do you?” Ford asked the crowd.
“Yes!” shouted some.

“好吧，”福特说，“口自们来看看你是怎么做的好了。”然后他一下子坐到地上，想看看自己能忍多久不发火。
舰长发出一阵意在调解的哼哼声，
“我愿意把这称为提交，”他令人愉快地说道，“芬特伍德维克斯殖民委员会第573次会议。”
十杪钟，福特想，同时再次跳了起来。
“说这些都是徒劳无益的，”他宣称。“都开了573次委员会会议了，可你甚至连个火都没找着！”
“请你，”那个女孩刺耳地尖叫道，“看看议程表——”
“议程石头。”那个美发师高兴地叫道。
“谢谢，这一点我指出了。”福特咕哝道。
“你将会……看到，”那个女孩坚定地继续说道，“我们今天将审议‘美发师开发火源附属委员会’的一份报告。”
“哦，噢——”那个美发师的表情十分窘迫，这种表情整个银河系都认识，它的意思是“嗯，下个星期二再说，行吗，”
“那好吧，”福特说，围着他转了一圈，“你们都做了些什么呢7你们还打算做些什么？体怎么看待开发火源的问题？”
“嗯，我不知道，”美发师说，“他们给我的全部东西只有两根棍子……”
“那么，你用它们做成了些什么？”
这个美发师紧张地在自己的条纹杉上摸索着，然后把他的劳动成果交给了福特。
福特把它们举起来，让所有人都能看见。
“烫发钳。”他说。
人群爆发出掌声。
“没关系，”福特说，“罗马不是一天建成的。”
大家对他的话是什么意思没有一丁点儿概念，但尽管如此，他们还是喜欢这句话。所以他们开始鼓掌。
“哼，你在这方面显然完全是幼稚的。”那个女孩说，“如果你在市场部待的时间和我一样多，你就会知道，任何新产品在开发之前，一定得经过适当的研究：我们必须先找出人们希望从火这种产品上得到什么，火和他们有多大的关系，他们对火有什么样的想像，等等。”
人们变得紧张起来，他们期待着从福特那儿听到一些特彩的言论。
“把火塞进你鼻子里去吧。”他说。
“这也足我们必须准确知道的事情，”女孩继续说，“人们希望火有气味吗？”
“你们希望吗？”福特问人群。
“是的！”一部分人叫道。