经典科幻文学:《宇宙尽头的餐馆》第32章1

Chapter 32
A thin whine filled the air. It whirled and howled through the trees upsetting the squirrels. A few birds flew off in disgust. The noise danced and skittered round the clearing. It whooped, it rasped, it generally offended.
The Captain, however, regarded the lone bagpiper with an indulgent eye. Little could disturb his equanimity; indeed, once he had got over the loss of his gorgeous bath during that unpleasantness in the swamp all those months ago he had begun to find his new life remarkably congenial. A hollow had been scooped out of a large rock which stood in the middle of the clearing, and in this he would bask daily whilst attendants sloshed water over him. Not particularly warm water, it must be said, as they hadn’t yet worked out a way of heating it. Never mind, that would come, and in the meantime search parties were scouring the countryside far and wide for a hot spring, preferably one in a nice leafy glade, and if it was near a soap mine – perfection. To those who said that they had a feeling soap wasn’t found in mines, the Captain had ventured to suggest that perhaps that was because no one had looked hard enough, and this possibility had been reluctantly acknowledged.
No, life was very pleasant, and the greatest thing about it was that when the hot spring was found, complete with leafy glade en suite, and when in the fullness of time the cry came reverberating across the hills that the soap mine had been located and was producing five hundred cakes a day it would be more pleasant still. It was very important to have things to look forward to.
Wail, wail, screech, wail, howl, honk, squeak went the bagpipes, increasing the Captain’s already considerable pleasure at the thought that any moment now they might stop. That was something he looked forward to as well.
What else was pleasant, he asked himself? Well, so many things: the red and gold of the trees, now that autumn was approaching; the peaceful chatter of scissors a few feet from his bath where a couple of hairdressers were exercising their skills on a dozing art director and his assistant; the sunlight gleaming off the six shiny telephones lined up along the edge of his rock-hewn bath. The only thing nicer than a phone that didn’t ring all the time (or indeed at all) was six phones that didn’t ring all the time (or indeed at all).
Nicest of all was the happy murmur of all the hundreds of people slowly assembling in the clearing around him to watch the afternoon committee meeting.
The Captain punched his rubber duck playfully on the beak. The afternoon committee meetings were his favourite.
Other eyes watched the assembling crowds. High in a tree on the edge of the clearing squatted Ford Prefect, lately returned from foreign climes. After his six month journey he was lean and healthy, his eyes gleamed, he wore a reindeer-skin coat; his beard was as thick and his face as bronzed as a country-rock singer’s.
He and Arthur Dent had been watching the Golgafrinchans for almost a week now, and Ford had decided to stir things up a bit.
The clearing was now full. Hundreds of men and women lounged around, chatting, eating fruit, playing cards and generally having a fairly relaxed time of it. Their track suits were now all dirty and even torn, but they all had immaculately styled hair. Ford was puzzled to see that many of them had stuffed their track suits full of leaves and wondered if this was meant to be some form of insulation against the coming winter. Ford’s eyes narrowed. They couldn’t be interested in botany of a sudden could they?
In the middle of these speculations the Captain’s voice rose above the hubbub.
“Alright,” he said, “I’d like to call this meeting to some sort of order if that’s at all possible. Is that alright with everybody?” He smiled genially. “In a minute. When you’re all ready.”
The talking gradually died away and the clearing fell silent, except for the bagpiper who seemed to be in some wild and uninhabitable musical world of his own. A few of those in his immediate vicinity threw some leaves to him. If there was any reason for this then it escaped Ford Prefect for the moment.
A small group of people had clustered round the Captain and one of them was clearly beginning to speak. He did this by standing up, clearing his throat and then gazing off into the distance as if to signify to the crowd that he would be with them in a minute.
The crowd of course were riveted and all turned their eyes on him.
A moment of silence followed, which Ford judged to be the right dramatic moment to make his entry. The man turned to speak.
Ford dropped down out of the tree.
“Hi there,” he said.

第三十二章
空中飘动着一阵细细的呜咽声，声音在树林里盘旋缭绕，惊扰了松鼠们。几只鸟厌恶地飞走了。这声音绕着空地舞蹈着、飞行着。它吵闹，它刺耳，它招人烦。
然而，舰长却纵容地看着这个孤单的风笛手。几乎没有任何东西能够扰乱这位舰长的镇定。几个月之前，他那华贵的浴缸在那次不愉快的沼泽经历中丢失了：从那以后，他一直在寻找和他的性格相宜的新的生活方式。立在这片空地中央的一块巨石上被铲出了一个坑，他每天都能躺在里面晒太阳，与此同时，他的随从会朝他身上浇水。当然不是热水。这一点必须指出，因为他还没有想到一个办法来给水加热。但这没关系，热水总会有的，搜索队正在远方寻找温泉，希望那是在一片树叶茂盛的林间空地上，如果再靠近一座肥皂矿—那简直就完美了，有些人说，他们觉得肥皂不是来自矿石。对这种人，舰长说，也许那是因为没有人足够认真地寻找过，于是他们只好勉强地承认这种可能性。
不，生活足非常美好的，其中的伟大事件就是当温泉被发现的时候，紧接着是树叶茂盛的林问空地，而如果正在此时，附近山上传来了找到肥皂矿的欢呼声，那里一天能生产五百块肥皂—这样就更加妙不可言了。总之，有个什么盼头是非常重要的。
哭诉、尖叫、号啕、咆哮、喇叭声、风笛声，巾于想到它们随时有可能停下来，所以这一切都增加丁舰长本来就已经相当快乐的情绪。这也是他的盼头之一。
还有别的什么乐事’他问他自己。嗯，还有许多事情：秋天已近，树木变成了红色和金色；距离他的浴盆几英尺之外，两个美发师正在一个昏昏欲睡的艺术导演和他的助手头上练习他们的技术，翦刀发出平和的摩擦声；六部电话沿着他的石凿浴盆的边缘一字排开，阳光照在电话上，射出让人愉快的反光。只有一件事比一部一直不响（或者根本不会响）的电话更棒，那就是六部不响（或者根本不会响）的电话了。
最美好的则是那些快乐的嗡嗡声，这意味着所有的几百口人都慢慢地聚拢到空地上他的周围，来观摩下午的委员会会议。
舰长高兴地一拳打在橡皮鸭子的嘴上。下午的委员会会议是他最喜欢的了。
还有另外的限睛正盯着聚拢的人群。在这片空地边缘的一棵树的高处，蹲着福特长官。他最近刚从别的地区回来。六个月的旅行之后，他变得瘦骨嶙峋，但很健康。他的眼睛闪烁着光芒，他穿着一件用驯鹿皮做成的衣服。他的胡子浓密，他的脸晒得很黑，像一张乡村摇滚歌手的脸。
他和阿瑟-邓特观察高尔伽弗林查姆人已经有一个星期了。福特决定，是挑起一些事端的时候丁。
空地现在已经满了。几百个男人和女人懒洋洋地站在四周，交谈着，吃着水果，玩着牌，总之相当放松。他们的条纹衫现在全部都很脏了，有些甚至破了，但是他们全都有着修剪得整整齐齐的发型。福特疑惑地发现，他们中的许多人在条纹衫上缀满丁叶子。不知道这是不为了保暖，以应付即将到来的冬天。福特的眼睛收缩了一下。他们不可能突然间对撞物学产生兴趣吧？他们会吗？
他正想着，舰长的声音从一片喧哗声中冒了出来。
“好吧，”他说，“我召集这次会议是为了制定某些规则，如果那是可能的话。大家都还好吧？”他亲切地笑了笑，“再过一分钟。等你们准备好了再说。”
交淡声逐渐消失了，整块空地陷人了一片寂静，除了那个风笛手，他似乎沉浸在他自己的某个狂野、不适于人类居住的音乐世界里。他旁边的一些人向他扔了几片叶子。不知这样做有什么原因，反正福特长官想不出来。
一小队人簇拥到舰长周围，其中一个人显然准备发言。他站起身来，清了清喉咙，然后望着远方，仿佛是在告诉人们，他一分钟后就会和他们在一起。
人群当然被吸引了，他们全都把目光转向了他。
接下来是片刻沉默。福杵判断这是恰当的戏剧性时刻，他可以进场了。那个人转过身来，准备发言。
福特从树上跳下来。
“大家好。”他说。