经典科幻文学:《宇宙尽头的餐馆》第17章6

“Do we have…” he put up a hand to hold back the cheers, “Do we have a party here from the Zansellquasure Flamarion Bridge Club from beyond the Vortvoid of Qvarne? Are they here?”
A rousing cheer came from the back, but he pretended not to hear. He peered around trying to find them.
“Are they here?” he asked again, to elicit a louder cheer.
He got it, as he always did.
“Ah, there they are. Well, last bids lads and no cheating, remember this is a very solemn moment.”
He lapped up the laughter.
“And do we also have, do we have… a party of minor deities from the Halls of Asgard?”
Away to his right came a rumble of thunder. Lightning arced across the stage. A small group of hairy men with helmets sat looking very pleased with themselves, and raised their glasses to him.
Hasbeens, he thought to himself.
“Careful with that hammer, sir,” he said.
They did their trick with the lightning again. Max gave them a very thin lipped smile.
“And thirdly,” he said, “thirdly a party of Young Conservatives from Sirius B, are they here?”
A party of smartly dressed young dogs stopped throwing rolls at each other and started throwing rolls at the stage. They yapped and barked unintelligibly.
“Yes,” said Max, “well this is all your fault, you realize that?”
“And finally,” said Max, quieting the audience down and putting on his solemn face, “finally I believe we have with us here tonight, a party of believers, very devout believers, from the Church of the Second Coming of the Great Prophet Zarquon.”
There were about twenty of them, sitting right out on the edge of the floor, ascetically dressed, sipping mineral water nervously, and staying apart from the festivities. They blinked resentfully as the spotlight was turned on them.
“There they are,” said Max, “sitting there, patiently. He said he’d come again, and he’s kept you waiting a long time, so let’s hope he’s hurrying fellas, because he’s only got eight minutes left!”
The party of Zarquon’s followers sat rigid, refusing to be buffeted by the waves of uncharitable laughter which swept over them.
Max restrained his audience.
“No, but seriously though folks, seriously though, no offence meant. No, I know we shouldn’t make fun of deeply held beliefs, so I think a big hand please for the Great Prophet Zarquon…”
The audience clapped respectfully.
“… wherever he’s got to!”
He blew a kiss to the stony-faced party and returned to the centre of the stage.
He grabbed a tall stool and sat on it.

“我们有——”他举起一只手制止了台下的欢呼，“我们有来夸胥弗托玛瑞恩桥牌俱乐部的Ⅲ队吗，他们在这里吗？”
一阵热烈的欢呼声从后面传来，但他装作没听到，他四处打量着，想找到他们，
“他们在这里吗？”他又问了一句，为的是引起更大的欢呼声。
他看见他们了，就像他一向所做的那样，
“嗅，他们在那儿。好的，这是最后一次叫牌，伙计们——没有作弊。记住这个庄严的时刻。”
他欣然接受了笑声。
“我们还有，我们有来自仙宫大厅的次级神灵团队吗？”
从他的右侧传来一阵隆隆雷鸣，一道闪电穿过舞台。一队戴着头盔的毛茸茸的人坐在那儿，看上去自得其乐，还端起酒杯向他致意。
总玩这一套，他暗自思忖。
“小心你那把铁槌，先生。”他说，
他们又玩了一次闪电的把戏，马克斯给了他们一个非常勉强的笑容。
“第三个，”他说，“第三个是来自天狼星系B星的青年保守主义者团队。他们在这里吗？”
一伙穿着时髦的小狗停止互相扔面包卷，一起朝舞台上扔起来，同时莫名其妙地狂吠着。
“是的，”马克斯说，“嗯，宇宙快毁灭了，这是你们的错，你们明白吗，”
“虽然，”马克斯说，他示意观众们安静下来，同时恢复了庄严的表情，“我相信今晚和我们在一起的还有一个信仰者的团队，非常虔诚的信仰者，来自‘伟大先知扎昆的第二次降临，教派……”
他们大概有二十人左右，坐在外嗣，一副苦行僧的打扮，正在不安地吸着矿泉水，和眼前的欢宴保持着距离。当聚光灯打到他们身上时，他们只是愤慨地眨眼睛。
“他们在那儿，”马克斯说，“耐心地坐在那里。先知扎昆说过他会二次降临，可他让你们等丁这么久，我们希望这家伙动作快电，因为他只剩下八分钟了！”
扎昆的追随者们坚定不移地坐着，拒绝受到席卷他们的无情的大笑声浪的冲击。
马克斯制止了他的观众，
“不，严肃点，朋友们，严肃点我丝毫没有冒犯的意思。不，我只知道，我们大家不应该取笑坚定的信仰。所以，我建议对伟大的先知扎昆报以一次热烈的掌声”
观众们听话地鼓起掌来。
“无论他上哪儿去了！”
他朝这个面无表情的团队送上一个飞吻，然后回到舞台中央。
他拉过一张高凳，坐了上去。